a part of me which i want to share...

Let's Take A Walk

2012-01-16T21:25:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!!!

I asked the Lord what's the word for me this year. I think what I heard was "Stop running, take a walk." That sounded really good to me. Kinda like what I would like to hear.

Last year, I thought and was very certain that it was a year of rest. Take rest. Have rest.

Did I rested? Hmmm...... I wished I did, or maybe even longer. Yea, maybe I did.

Ahhhh..... Now I know what it meant as I now type the words.

Okay gal, you had your rest, now let's go for a stroll.

Christmas Greetings~!

2011-12-16T01:48:00.000-08:00

Sorry about the loooong silence. I was stung by the busy bee and it was quite bad. Then I caught the procrastination bug and the symptoms are still lingering here and there in my system...

You won’t believe this but I had actually typed a blog entry for this month a week ago on my iPad. Erm… Unknowingly, I accidentally deleted the application and all my data in it were also deleted…Oopsy…. -_-“ Thank God I managed to email many of it over to my Gmail account when I updated it to iOS 5 a month back. There were some precious writings in there… haha…

Anyways, it’s the time of the year~! 10 days away to Christmas~!

And of course time of reflection…

I was just wondering what to write about? Maybe I’d start with what I’ve learnt this year.

Oh, in case you are wondering how my 2011 resolution went:

1. Put on weight – FAILED! I had three different people over the week who told me that I lost weight!! Boohoo! But no worries, I consulted a dietician friend; she said I should eat more carbs, so that’s just what I’ll do! And of course exercise my dear~

2. Get cooking – Well, I did cook here and there a bit. Oh, I’ve got a pasta dish which I created myself. =) Ahems~! It is da yummies~!

3. Be nice to people and smile – Why don’t you feedback to me how I’ve been doing? Cools?

Back to reflection, I’ve learnt some basic principles this year. It’s always been there, but learning it in a new way.

1. Share and ask – I learn that if you desire or want something, share about it with someone. Who knows, God uses other people to fulfill that desires and wants.

2. Get angry but don’t sin – Recently I learn that it’s okay to get angry. In fact, it showed so much that it is impossible not to see it. And it helped the other party to make amends. Something the Bible teaches which is so important. “Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.” Ephesians 4:26-27.

So dear friends, it is okay to be angry. But in your anger please do not sin; say or do stupid stuffs like getting into fights, using stupid words, you get what I mean don’t you? Reacting in anger will just get you into loads more of trouble, silly!

3. Seeing God in a new light – “So you should not be like cowering, fearful slaves. You should behave instead like God's very own children, adopted into his family -- calling him "Father, dear Father." Romans 8:15-23.

Reflecting on work, I am still surrounded by people with special needs and this time they are young adults. Every morning when we sit in circle for morning devotions, sometimes I caught myself pausing and still wondering in amazement. God, why did you make them so different?

Many of time, looking at them, (most of the time), I caught myself smiling. They are just such fun people to be with, to do live together and to invest time into. I am glad that there is so much more disability awareness theses days. So many people kinda make themselves little experts of disabilities like autism, even though they met people with autism only one time, they think they know it all… hmmm…..

Anyways, what I meant is, people are more aware now, and it kinda make things easier or maybe society easier to accept them. Recently we’ve got a boy with autism joining us in the children ministry. =) yay~! Would love to see him through life. Hmmm…

Oh, working with the adults with autism, let me introduce you to them one day okie? They are lovely, if not, fun to be with… Erm, they can be quite fun to teased. =P Shhhhh…..

Okays, funs at work aside, on serious note, yea, taken on more scope of work. Am involved in the adults’ work, which means it is life itself!!! Dealing with issues of life, finding job, BGR, self esteem, living skills, independence, etc…. So many heavy stuffs that I really have to depend on God, and sometimes cry to Him.

Before I end, here’s a special shout out to Chareessa~!! ;) Haloo~ Haloo~! =)

Guy O Guy~ Where art thou~~

2011-09-04T17:21:00.000-07:00

Mom have been complaining that I'm spending too much time with the girls and my people. "How to find boyfriend~?!" she asked...

Hmmm..... It's not like I don't look around... But where to find such guy leh? -_-"

Looking at the basic requirements, it shouldn't be that hard....
1. He must love God.
2. He must love me.
3. He must love my people.

Added bonus.
He should love nature....

Bukan susah sangat kan?! Hmmm....

Actually not to forget, he also has to be tall, good looking, owns a car, can cook, eat what I cook, bake, run, loves children, enjoys rainbow, swim in waterfall, knows how to plant flowers, buy me flowers, can teach dog do tricks, plays musical instruments, able to sing like Alex Goot, good in craft, able to fix things around the house, can change light bulb, can change fluorescent light, can fix water tap, buy me ice creams, do headstand, do pushups with one finger, able to climb wall, can sweep, can mop, can sew button, can cook Thai food, can make jelly, can change car battery, can change car tyre, built his own house, enjoys stars at night, climbed mount Kinabalu, planning to climb Kilimanjaro, sponsors a world vision child, blood donor, respect women, respect mom and dad, respect elders, able to knit sweaters, do cross stitch, have clean finger nails, short hair, good sense of humor, dresses well, smells good, able to make decisions, good decisions, runs marathon, able to run up the stairs backwards, loves people, not judgmental, wise, clear headed, good sense, mature, can pluck coconut from tree, can climb coconut tree, loves the beach, enjoys stroll or walk in park, read the bible many times through, knows the bible inside out, apply the word of God in daily life, writes journals, writes me stuffs, oh compose me songs~!! hahaha.....

See ain't too hard to find ain't it....

Guy o guy.... Where art thou... ~~

My mommy waiting to meet you!

August

2011-08-05T02:17:00.000-07:00

This month would mark my five years of working with people with special needs. Reflecting on it, at where I am today, I am still very much enjoying my work. And I really do love what I do. It bring so much joy and fulfillment, not forgetting the heartaches of challenges and difficulties.

Just a little update, I have moved on to working with young adults with special needs earlier this year. And last month, I was more actively involved in the work. Do I miss the children work?.... Erm, yes, I do, a little here and there. But I also desire to grow into other areas of working in this field of special needs. I now get to work with both age groups; children and young adults. :) and of course, their families.

The young adults that I am working with at the moment.... Are.... A bunch of interesting people. Really...... Interesting..... And that's what keeps me interested, I think.... Hahaha.....

Just a few stories to share.

Mr Adorable is one of my favorite among the lot. He is, as called, adorable. Hahaha. When he first came in, I thought he did not have speech. Later I found out, that he could actually talk! He just needed someone to input words, so that he could repeat, hence learning to talk sensibly instead of just signing (in which it was like a game of charade; where we would need to guess exactly what he was trying to communicate) or babbling. Once, I got him to say "hi!" I was just blown away. Why? Because he spoke it so loud and clear. So there, Mr Adorable, please do learn up on how to talk.

Mr Adorable is a very funny person too. Not because he was trying to be funny, but he was just being who he is. At a few occasions, he reminded me of Mr. Bean. Very cute, erm.... Hilarious antics actually.... Unlike Mr Bean, my lovely Mr Adorable is not obnoxious at all.

Mr Emo Ego is one of my favorite challenging lot. He had caused lots of drama since he came in few months ago, and lots of stakeholders were caught in his tangled web of manipulation. Why he did what he did? Hmm.... We figured that he was just testing how far he could go with his teasing of running away and some I won't mention here. Poor us and mom was repeatedly be fooled by him till we wise up to his tricks.

So there, with a stronger teamwork among us and mom, we had decided that we will not be fooled anymore and Mr Emo Ego will need to learn to be mature and take responsibilities for his own actions. I once had a talk with him, to helped him see the future, and the decisions he makes now will lead to the consequences in future. He is to decide which path he is to choose now. Change for better, or remain where he is and suffer the consequences of his immaturity. I am really hoping and praying the talk, care and counseling will bear good fruits in due time.

One thing to note about Mr Emo Ego, you have to earn his respect and trust before you can speak to him. ;) ahem!

Lastly Mr Big Arms. He is a newbie and it have been a challenging time to just help him. There are just so many issues and past to deal with; really praying for God's grace to heal and minister. On personal note, Mr Big Arms have been on my thoughts a lot; never would I thought I would be somewhat affected by him. So yea, have been praying, and believing for a breakthrough for him.

And, can we some more men in the special needs work?!! Sometimes, it's just easier for a guy to talk to guy.... -_-"

Oh... There are just so many of them that I meet and work with everyday. Each are so unique, interesting and funny and of course there were also annoying, irritating and childish ones. But hey, aren't we all like that too.... sometimes....?

I was just thinking.... Just wondering.... If I had worked in the field of what I have had my degree in...... I would have just missed it.

The experiences, the opportunities. And, may I be bold to say, the 'destiny' or 'calling'....? Hmm......

So, here's to a toast and hooray to the 5 years milestone! \(^o^)/ Hopefully, there are many more years to come.

I Choosed - Bersih 2.0

2011-07-14T03:07:00.000-07:00

I went.

And so, I was there.

There have already been numerous accounts of people who wrote and shared their experience of the rally.

9 July 2011 - Bersih 2.0

A historical day indeed.

A day where I could not just watch. It was a day which highlighted, a matured caring Malaysia. And they marched the streets. For good reasons.

I am glad to have been part of the experience.

"The Police's presence were strong everywhere. Seemingly to protect peace and order. Undeniably, they can lie it to the ignorant, but those whose eyes are open and civilized, let's just say they were merely following orders.

We took the LRT to Masjid Jamek. On our way there we saw the empty streets of KL. Void of cars excepts red barricades, and men in uniforms. It was a sight to behold, and also a sight meant to intimidate.

We arrived at the station, hearing chants of the crowds outside. The shutters were down, seemingly to protect the people from the crowd. Little did they know that we wanted to join in the crowd.

Stepping out of the station, you can feel it in the air. The tension, the anxiety.... It wasn't coming from the crowd. Somehow I felt the vibes coming from the men in blue.

Sight of red FRU vehicles, countless of Policemen in lined formation. It looked almost like a national parade where people would have stood in awe seeing it passes by. Instead, when I saw it, I had this thing churning in my stomach that says "NO! I will not be intimidated."

We tried to find our away around to join in the rally. Like a mouse in a maze, we were just lost on the empty streets. We saw groups of people scattered on the streets; like us; wondering where to go. And nope, Google map on iPhone did not helped. (I shouldn't have thrown away my printed map!)

(I should interject at this point, 7Eleven was doing brisk business! Many people bought stuffs like they were going on picnic.)

Giving up, we made our way back to the station again. And then we heard it.... Shots were fired. Expectantly, I was calm. I mean, I would have guessed it would happen. I was prepared to hear shots going off.

As we arrived at the station, there we saw the FRU vehicles, the Police marching onwards. And so, the excitement began.

Little did we know then, we were still at the wrong side of the crowd...... Or maybe was it "right" for some reasons?

As we follow where they were heading, it lead us toward Menara Maybank. And then we saw it.

Just like what I've seen on videos; I am now seeing it LIVE!

Water canon spraying out blue chemicals. Tear gas being launched......

But what's all that?! Where and who? Where were the crowds?

Only much much later when videos and pictures started appearing on the internet, then I saw the magnitude of the crowd. It was a sight to behold.

Yes, we did get a whiff of the tear gas. Its hits the back of the throat, causing some irritation.

Did I tell you I was well prepared for the rally?

Yup! I took out my little towel and covered my nose. And yes, I did bring along a container of salt. (^_^)y

I must put it at this point, that I was irritated by my bro who just can't get his eyes and fingers off Twitter. Sheesshh! What's the whole point of coming to the rally then? Might as well just stay at home and had his eyes glued to the PC.

We made our way up to Menara Maybank just to have a glimpse of what was happening. Couldn't see much as the crowd has dispersed or may have retreated. Tree leaves and people were blocking my view.

After hanging around for a while, we kinda sense that it was time to go. And indeed it was time to go. A video I later viewed showed Policemen running like pack of hungry wolves, hungrily finding defenseless prey to devour.

We started making our way to the stadium. Walking along Chinatown, shops everywhere were closed. Except for some thoughtful vendors who kept their fruits and drinks stall open.

It started to rain, and it was kinda heavy. Friends started reading tweet updates. Reports of the various leaders were caught. And then... So what?

I like this phrase that I saw on one of the FB post.

"Even is you catch a thousand of our leaders, the people are still going to show up". And true enough to what Ambiga herself has said.

It was never about her. It was the people.

As the rain subsided, we walked towards the stadium. There were a small crowd there. Maybe a thousand?

I couldn't believe what I saw. And I thought, "Oh gosh! How cowardly is that?!"

The road leading to the stadium, (without the stadium even in sight!) had been barb-wired. Behind it was a line of Policemen and few metres back were the FRU vehicles, with water canon ready.

Oh gosh.... Why were they hiding behind barb-wire?!

Anyway, with the "high security" of barb-wire, there was no chances of getting anywhere near the stadium. So we just stood there while the crowd chanted.

"Bersih! Bersih! Hidup Bersih!"

We joined in the chants once in a while. The national laureate arrived a while later. He too failed to convinced the authority to allow us assemble peacefully in the stadium. Oh well....

(I've got to let you know, I did a lot of reading on guidelines of what to do and what not to do in a rally. Thanks to all who have kindly put the information in such a creative manner on the internet. One of the main things that I hang on to (besides the Legal Aide numbers) was to be aware of provocateur.)

Just a little rewind, back to the street along Masjid Jamek. I did not see how the man ended up with the Police, but clearly, it looked like he was just asking for trouble. He was wearing a Bersih t-shirt. I am very sure he does know the Police were ever so eager to arrest anybody wearing that. So yea, nobody bothered to intervene for him, just many cameramen clicking away.

This man ("hero") walked away chanting "Pilihanraya Bersih!", "Clean and fair election!"

Back to the stadium, there was no way of getting into it. I must say that I felt safe seeing the volunteers from Bar Council. They have my utmost respect for coming in suits and looking ever so professional. I was told by a friend that they were there as observers. I salute you guys for volunteering your service. That my friend, has showed me that there are Malaysian lawyers who cares.

Seeing that there was no way forward, suddenly someone in the crowd shouted angrily towards the Police. And this is the best part....

The crowd just calmly shushed the guy.

"Shhhh~!!"

How mature is that my friend?!

Oh, you guys really showed me the true spirit of the rally.

Honestly, all we wanted was a peaceful gathering to call for clean and fair election.

And that was what I saw.

People who instigated any violence or disruption was instantly shushed away!! LOL....

And then it was 4pm. That is it guys! We have made our point. And the rally is over. The crowd disperse in a disciplined manner when the time was up.

We walked our way towards KL Sentral. Little did we know the small groups of people became larger and larger and larger.

And soon, it became thousands of people marching down the street! How ironic was that?

And then so we marched. And then so we chanted.

"Bersih! Bersih! Hidup bersih!"

Fellow people who rallied, fellow Malaysians.

Thank you for the experience. That truly was one Malaysia to me."

So I ask myself again. Can I just watch?

No. I can't.

I have to be part of it.

Because I believe in it.

Because I know that it counts.

Do I Just Watch?

2011-07-01T02:52:00.000-07:00

When the neighbor rallied for a change in their country, we witnessed the uprising among the people. There was much courage, much unity, each responded with their own personal conviction.

I wondered then, replacing myself in their shoes, what would I do? Do I just watch? Or do I be part of what that makes it count.

Then months later, the world witnessed the uprising of people in the Middle East. People from all walks of life unite themselves in solidarity, with much courage, with much boldness, each responded with their own personal convictions.

I wondered again, replacing myself in their shoes, what would I do? Do I just watch? Or do I be part of what that makes it count?

There are things that puzzled me the past few days...

1. Empty tins makes loud clanging sounds. It sounds so impressive but honestly dude, empty tins are empty. There is no substance inside.

2. Dreadful silence or maybe inaction, makes me wonder... What ever happened to all those things that we supposedly stand for? Or should I say cheered triumphantly when times were peaceful... Is the cheer still ringing now?

3. Now that it is needed, is it okay to go beyond our four walls of comfort? Beyond our boundaries of what is 'safe'? Despite the disgusting intimidation that is going on, would we be a part of what that makes it count?

Self check: What is my personal conviction?

My mom once said, when I believe in something that is right; I am quite set on it. And it is really (Really) quite hard to change my mind on it.

On personal note, I know that to be true. And honestly, believing in something that is right, should also equate to doing what is right.

So, in the coming days, let's be mature. Let's not judge one or the other because of what is or what is not.

It is in support of Clean and Fair Election that I wrote this post. http://bersih.org/

Note: Not a fan of violence, not a fan of 'trend', not a fan of being labeled, not a fan of provocation, not whatever you wanna call it.

Ending this post with this scripture.

Micah 6:8 "He has shown you, O man, what is good, And what does the Lord require of you. But to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God".

So, do I just watch?

Half Baked and Soft Boiled

2011-06-05T22:22:00.000-07:00

Of being half baked and soft boiled.

Soft boiled eggs are yummy and I love having it for breakfast! With soya sauce and pepper, toast at the side and good ol' tea. It's lovely~!!

Half baked cakes are yucky... It just simply means that it is not baked enough, and it should have been in the oven longer.

Being called half bake is not nice. Well, at least that's what I've learnt. It means that you are not ready or not done.

Being called soft boiled....? Well, I've never heard of it. :p

Chapter Three!!

2011-05-06T22:58:00.000-07:00

Earlier this year, I began to interact more with young adults with learning difficulties at my work place.

As much as I love working with children with special needs, I also like to explore new areas of work and now, it is with these young adults.

Just a brief history, when I first started in this work 5 years ago, working with young adults with special needs is the last thing on my mind. Or should I say, never would I say yes to it! Reason being very simple, I was SCARED of them!!! =O

Some of them are bigger than me, older than me, stronger than me, what if they have behavior problems, and start tantrum like the kids?!! I'd be a goner......

Anyways, yea... Those were my fears. hehehe....

Okays, in the months passed, like what I've written earlier, I began more frequent interaction with them. Learning the way they communicate, learning to listen to them, learning to see their strength, learning to help overcome their weakness. Do you know when you give time and chance to learn something, you will slowly start loving it?

So there, just a little update, Chapter Three has begun at work~!

I'm moving into working with young adults, while still being involved in children work. What this new task entails, in short summary, is to help these young adults gain employment and to support them at work. This new work for me is kinda exciting and cool~! Not to mention, it can also get really dreaded boring at times.

Just to share what has happened in the recent days. My colleague and I had the opportunity to bring a team of our trainees (young adults) out to job placement training. I must say and congratulate this team. Some shined beyond our expectation and I am just so proud at what they could achieve, especially when given the opportunity and the support needed.

Through this experience, I just want to say, lets move beyond "Charity Mindset". We don't need the charity of employers or for them take our trainees as charity work. We are not asking for handouts.

Lets embrace us "Rights Based Mindset" can we? Are you able to see the economic potential of our trainees? Given the opportunity and support, I must say they are as valuable as any person that you invest your money and time into.

Here's a true story for you.

Random Thoughts 3

2011-04-28T07:51:00.000-07:00

You can only learn new things when your heart is open and it remains humble.

With every bricks thrown at you, use it to a build house.

If you fall, pick yourself up and walk.

Jabber HwAT?!!

2011-04-08T01:51:00.000-07:00

An article on Autism in the local newspaper caught my attention recently. Reading it, I was curious about who these two guys were. So, the curious little me, I checked them out on the official website of Wretches & Jabberers. And I am so glad I did.

Trying to organize my thoughts and putting it into word.

Reading and watching their video online has created a new awareness and insight to Autism for me. It gives fresh hope, it gives fresh perspective, it gives fresh outlook.

It just convicts and reminds me once again not to ever dismiss the children who are seemingly too "severe" to be helped.

Looking at Tracy and Larry.... Oh my..... These two guys are simply just what I needed; to give me a slap on my face and not to give up hope on the little boy whom I was struggling to teach.

I was also embarrassed when one of them mentioned "Stop getting us to point at pictures. Help us to communicate". Do you know just how challenging it is to teach a young kid with Autism?!! A "severe" one I must say!!

It was such a challenge trying to understand why he does what he does. It was such a challenge that he wasn't "looking". It was such a challenge that he wasn't "talking". It was such a challenge that he does not "understand". It was such a challenge not seeing the desired results. Sometimes, I just wonder if it would ever work.....

At 5 years old, I believe he is taking it all in.

One day.... Just that one day.

I am praying and looking forward, I know he will break through.

For the record, it is in my own personal conviction that I will never ever, EVER dismiss a person with disability as beyond hope. It is just a matter of opportunity. Do I have what it takes to embrace them in my world?

Watching the short snippets of Wretches and Jabberers, here are my thoughts on it:-

1. I thank Tracy and Larry. These guys taught me why they have those weird actions and behaviours. I now understand the children better. At my work, I get asked a lot why these children behave the way they do. Now, I can just ask those people who asked to view their video on YouTube. =)

2. These guys taught me to change my attitudes about disability and intelligence. With the kids that I am working with, they bring such joy, though at times I struggle and wonder what goes on in their head. Thank you for showing me that there is intelligence in these kids. I always know that it is in there; somewhere; but I got to confess it doesn't show in their appearance. I thank Tracy and Larry that they still have that very distinct Autistic traits, even now as an adult, and I like it very much. It brings much comfort and naughtily, amusement to me in a good way.

I've got a feeling that we are looking towards a brighter future and exciting breakthroughs for children with Autism. And I am loving technology for the good it does in helping these children to communicate.

Just by being who they are, Tracy and Larry; their advocacy and global mission to change attitudes about disability and intelligence, I salute them for their effort. I salute their team of dedicated people. Keep up the good work guys~! Cheering you on!!

Talking to me?

2011-03-21T08:24:00.000-07:00

I was just reflecting about a group of young adults whom I interacted with lately. They made my day, made me smile, and rekindled that passion again. I must say that sometimes, I do enjoy trying to listen to them and what they have to say. Most of the time, I just nod my head, whether I understood or not was another issue... hehehe....

Recently I was seated beside a guy who has Down Syndrome and does not have any speech. He is kinda new at work, I was helping to supervise that he does his job well. Anyway, as he was packing straws, doing it rather painfully sloooooooooowwwwwwwww............ suddenly he pointed to his hand indicating that it hurts. Being the usual me, I ignored it.

Him not being happy that I ignored it, he showed his hand to my face, with a face that says it hurts. OK, I get the message that it hurts, so I acknowledge how he felt and ask him to get back to work.

And now. He was clearly not satisfied with my response and seeing that I did not get his point... This is the part where I love most...

And this is what he did.

He took a straw and with the pointy end, poke it on his hand, and made an "Oouch!" face... And with that.... I finally understood what he was trying to tell me.... Sigh~! I love how he actually go all the way to make sure I understood what he was trying to tell.

And with that... I finally acknowledge that I understood what he felt and meant, and said "Oh... Its alright. Just becareful when you handle the straws." And he got back to work.... =)

What I Thank God For

2011-03-02T00:39:00.001-08:00

What I thank God for, in the preschool inclusion project that I have been involved in...

For this year, 2011, I thank God for:

1. The 21 children attending the programme, of which 7 of them have special needs.
2. Of the 7 of them who have special needs, there are interesting cases that we are working with for the first time. 2 of which have their own case managers, another 2 of which have never had any intervention, another 2 of which have disabilities that I am new to. Nice~!!
3. The completion of writing the lesson plans, (which got my brain juices almost dried up in 2010).
4. The awesome, dedicated, wonderful teachers in the kindy who really loves the children and give their best in teaching and coming out with interesting, fun, learning materials.
5. The awesome, inspiring, principal who truly is out there to shine the love of Jesus through her care and practical ways to help the children and the families.

I am so loving this project.... ;)

Random Thoughts 2

2011-02-18T08:56:00.000-08:00

Candle gives light, only when it is burning.

Life is a marathon, it is a long way to go before the finish line.

Journal

2011-02-03T07:18:00.000-08:00

I started keeping a journal when I was 16. Got inspired by a friend, who told me that writing a diary was easy, you just write anything you want in it.

Throughout the years, I've been keeping it; writing whenever I want, or whatever I'm inspired or when I just want to record what is memorable, or worthy of keeping into account.

I was reading my past journals a couple of days ago. My hopes and dreams, my fun times and crushes, my worries and hurts, some were so emo-fied, I can't remember feeling that way..... Hahahah....

See, that's what I like about keeping a journal. It helps me reflect on what I have gone through. It helps me see how I have grown. It reminds me of things which I may have forgotten.

It tells a story of my own history.

Bruno Mars - Grenade

2011-01-05T07:46:00.000-08:00

This is just plain funny.....

Bruno Mars got me almost diabetic with the ultra sweet song "Just the Way You Are". (I'll admit, I really do like that song. Its nice~!)

And now this Grenade?

He almost got me killed as I laughed my head off listening to the lyrics. Seriously.... Isn't it a bit too mushy? Value your life k? LOL......

Cheers to a Brand New Start!

2011-01-02T01:36:00.000-08:00

A hike on Broga Hill was a start to 2010, and also an end to 2010. That's what I did on 31st Dec, hiking Broga Hill yet again. =) It was a quality time, spent well with a good ol' buddy. I am loving my friends lots.

Here's a start to the brand new year.

Sparkly fireworks! I love those stuffs, it brings out the child in everyone. Thanks to some cool friends with cool gadgets and camera, it made the night fun with all the funny actions and experiments.

And on the 1st of Jan 2011, climbed Bukit Tabur with a little group of friends. Thanks to these adventurous outdoor friends, I've got my cravings and desires of hiking Melawati Hills satisfied. I still could not believe that we actually made it to the top! It is just so so amazing...... Can't tell you how many times my heart stopped, just looking what looms below or for fear of losing a step or grip. The thrill of that adrenaline is just summarized in these few words.... "I wanna stay alive!!"

I'm loving the Bukit Tabur climb a lot, definitely would wanna climb it again.

So there, cheers to 2011. Your buddy 2010, have been great and kind and amazing to me.

2011, let's be good friends! ^_^

Little Drummer Boy

2010-12-26T19:01:00.000-08:00

A few songs on the radio got me singing along recently while I drive the car. And I could sing along only because the tune is catchy and I could hear the lyrics. =P

Song No. 1 - Speak Now
"I am not the kind of girl
Who should be rudely barging in
On a white veil occasion
But you are not the kind of boy
Who should be marrying the wrong girl"

Lyrics like this is "oh-so-typical" in a movie, I've yet to see it happening in a real-world wedding. I'm just imagining, if it ever does ever, EVER occur in a church wedding..... I think, some people might have just fainted, the counselor will get sacked, a slap will land on the groom face, and all melodrama would be in play.... Hmmmm.... I may just enjoy the real-life drama, hehehe....... Kidding!!! I don't believe I'll ever witness a white veil occasion like that. That's coz the people that I know, I think; they know they are meant for each other. So yea, I doubt I'd ever see this in real life.

Will I be caught singing the lyrics in a real life white veil occasion?! No! The guy that I like wouldn't be so dumb to be marrying the wrong girl.... No wait! I wouldn't be liking the guy who is marrying the wrong girl in the in the first place! Duh.....

Song No. 2 - If I Die Young
"If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away in with the words of a love song"

Death always brings about something in our life, it makes us stop, think, pause and reflect. Where to find comfort? For those who knows the Lord, death is only a temporary good-bye. It does hurt.

......... God works in mysterious ways, we don't have all the answers, even if or when we attempt to try. Well, like the Bible says, there is a time for everything, Ecclesiastes 3:2 "A time to be born, and a time to die". For those who loves the Lord, we don't lose hope.

OKIE~!! Moving on to a lighter topic of song. A friend recently asked what is my favourite Christmas carol.... I don't have one.... hahahaha.... But there are a few that I've been listening to on online radio that caught my attention.

Little Drummer Boy
I was driving when I heard this song. Listening to the lyrics got me choked with a sense of how we aught to give to our God, and it got me all teary....

"I'll play my drum for Him, I'll play my best for Him"

Would you give your best for Him?

Mary Did You Know?
The lyrics just made me in awe of the real 'person-hood' of who Jesus is. Did Mary ever knew that the little baby that she kissed, she had kissed the face of God? Wow........

"And this sleeping child that you are holding, is the GREAT I AM"

It is by God's grace if you'd fully understand the magnitude of His love.

Are you ready?

2010-12-20T19:35:00.000-08:00

Resolution 2010

1. To smile more! - It is so easy for me to forget to smile sometimes (Who goes around having smile plastered on their face anyway?!!) Anyways, did I tell you that smile looks good on you! SMILE!!
2. Continue to be nice to people, and to get to know them genuinely! - Amen! Still working on it and its hard work!! But what I wanna say is, despite the hard works.... it is worth it (so, make it worth the hard work, make sense a?) ;)
3. To fit into the unique mould God has for me. Learn to worship Him again. - Yups!
4. And of course, take time to have fun! - Loving it lots, but not having enough time for it.

=======================================================

Resolution 2011

I've been thinking about it for a while now, and here are some practical ones which I think it'll work. =D

1. Put on some weight! - And here's my strategy!! I am gonna try drinking a glass of milk every day or alternate days. According to my dearly newly graduated dietitian friend, maybe that could work. Hahaha... Thank God I don't mind drinking milk. Full cream da best~!

2. Get cooking! - Great thing about staying with mom is that dinner is always ready when I get back home, in a way, I don't have to learn how to cook. Hahahaha!!.... But anywayz, I should start learning. I shall try to cook, at least once a week (if got time la.....) Boleh? Pasta dishes is the simplest of all so far. I shall try to be a bit more adventurous next year. Erm... Yes, start learning how to cook the curry dishes, and pork and fish and chicken..... -_-"

3. And yea, continue to be nice to people. And smile. If I ever do look like I'm gonna bite your head off, I am not gonna bite your head off okay.... I may just be thinking about stuffs, just poke me and ask me what I was thinking about.

Oh yea, on a side note. It came to my ears (not just recently, but through the year) that some people thought that I am cold and hard to be approached. That got me laughing and amused, I don't know how in the world they came up with that conclusion. Hmmm..... Anyways... It doesn't matter what people think, God made each of us unique in our own ways. ;) You are too~! Let you in on a not so little secret.... You've got God's 'stamp' on you! =)

What is different?

2010-12-16T20:47:00.000-08:00

It is almost the end of the year, and annually I'd reflect upon the year that just passed. Reflecting on the years that have gone by, I noticed a trend of how "flat" or "defeated" I am by the end of the each year. I was normally tired by the end of it, that I just want my break and start it all afresh in January.

This year, it is different. I am at peace...

So, what is different this year?

I think I've come to learn to let go of things and concentrate on what truly matters. I've learn and still learning not to take things too personally sometimes. I've learn to not be affected by what people say, usually the negative stuffs, if you don't know, negative words are different from constructive words.

I think, I've learn to see and be who I am, for who God has uniquely made me to be, and not being somebody that people hoped that I'd be. In simple words, I think I've moved on from being a people pleaser, in a good way. =)

I've had a great year so far, despite the rocky beginnings. It may just been the best year yet. Why? I dunno... Maybe I've stopped letting people's expectation of me to lead me in the way I live my life. I think I've moved beyond from living up to people's expectation. It can be tiring sometimes, you know? (Am I repeating myself here?)

So what truly matters? Or what have I learn this year?

Its people, its relationships.

Its not a hidden secret, but I do know that people only get along well with people that they are comfortable with. And that's fine, that's great.

What I truly enjoyed is that I've finally overcame my fears, and started building relationships with the families that I work with. And I am loving it lots!! I do wish to have the families be part of my life, I do wish to see the kids grow up, I do wish to walk this journey together. Do you know that sometimes, you don't need to do much, but just be a friend? =)

Hmmm....

Anyways, just thought of encapsulating the year by the months and the highlights, and see where it goes from here.

January - A new start, with a new hike.
Feb - May - Crazy fund raising, stress, anxieties, earnest prayers.
June - A dream came true.
July - Met a new friend, who ever so diligently remind me to smile. Thanks! =)
September - Holiday~!!
Oct / Nov - Blessed Aussie month.

I wanna say, I love my Year 2010. Despite the scary beginnings, its about to end well. God bless~!!

"A" for...

2010-12-01T06:41:00.000-08:00

I told myself that I'm supposed to write something nice. Which I have to, because awesome things have just passed and new things are about to begin, I just have to pen it down somewhere, despite lacking of inspiration to write.... Anyway, here it goes.

What can I say?

The gates are finally wide open, and I sensed, this is it! After 3 years of toiling and laboring, sharing and inspiring, tugging and pushing, poking and nudging, smile~!! Here it comes! The flood of love, care, acceptance is just evident. (Not that it wasn't before... But now, it is so evident even the blind can see it)

Okay, to stop beating around the bush, I am just glad that people have finally come to acceptance of children with disability in a children's programme, and that they have overcame their fear and best part of all, they want these children to be included in every single part of the programme. Awesome?! Yes, it is!!

My joy? Seeing the change in perception, seeing the change in mindset, seeing the change.

Having said that, there were many things that got me thinking. Sometimes its so easy to accept, when you see the disability. Your heart immediately softens. But what happens, if the child look so perfectly normal, but yet behave so strangely....? Hmmm..... You think they have the same amount of love, care and acceptance too?

I believe my God is awesome, have and will continue to work things out in people's heart. Maybe in a year's time, it shall be tested again, if we are truly all set and ready to embrace all of them.

My toughest cookies? Take a guess! It starts with the alphabet "A"

Let's dance, bay-beh~!

2010-11-19T07:43:00.000-08:00

I learned a new dance move today. Ask me to show you if you wanna see it.... HAHAHAHahahahha....

I was at a dinner and dance for young adults with learning difficulties today. My very first dinner and dance!! Hahaha... It was rather boring in the beginning, but when its time for them to hit the dance floor, that's where it starts to sizzles~! And yea, that's where I learned the dance moves.... =P

Rest

2010-11-07T01:53:00.000-07:00

You know why I love my God? Because He is real to me.

Rest.

The word "rest" is something that I love and something that is elusive sometimes. How do you find rest? As in really rest? And enjoy the moment?

The day is perfect, blue sky, white puffy clouds, cool grass, cool breeze, view of pond with duckies, great food, and the Lord says "Rest and enjoy the moment."

Are you serious Lord? What about the many thoughts that I have? What about the many things that are ahead? What rest?!

"See, you have trusted Me all these while, so continue to do so....", "Enjoy the moment~!"

How do I know my God is real to me? Because He confirms His words.

Sermon for today is "Rest!" Coincidence? Nah.... Its my God at work. =)

See, many times we get busy, busy in doing things, busy in living life, busy in this, busy in that, busy in whatever not. Busy busy busy buzzzzzz...... I love the word rest, that sometimes, people just find it hard to accept it. Or at least that "people" is me.

It is good to keep busy, you know, doing the good things and good works of God. Jesus was always on and about doing stuffs; teaching, preaching, healing, making disciple , ministering, traveling, etc, etc... That was what I've learned, always out and about doing things.

Rest: Probably its just me, or probably just how I had perceived it. Surely "rest" not something for us who are out and about doing passionate stuffs for God. Right?

Wrong! And I was dead wrong... See, Jecy. Have you failed to see that God rested? He rested on the seventh day of creation. Oh.... And He rested in His creations.. Oohhh.....

The story of Punchinello was played at service, and how I love this story.

Eli looked at Punchinello, put his hands on those small wooden shoulders, and spoke very slowly. "Because you're mine. That's why you matter to me."....Eli said, "Because she has decided that what I think is more important than what anyone else thinks. The stickers only stick if you let them."...."Now remember," Eli said as the Wemmick walked out the door. "You ARE special because I made you, and I don't make mistakes."

Yea.... To end it, you know why I love my God? Because He is real to me.

And how do I know He real to me? Because He works in the mysterious ways that touches my heart.

Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are

2010-10-05T21:36:00.000-07:00

I heard this song on the radio yesterday. I was thinking, what a sweet song it is.... Aaawwww..... SWEET!!! ^_^

"You know, you know, you know,
I'd never ask you to change,
If perfect is what you're searching for,
Then just stay the same"

Its so sweet, I could get diabetic! =P

Imagine

2010-09-08T06:44:00.000-07:00

Imagine there's no Heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people,
Living for today.

Imagine there's no countries,
It isn't hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
And no religion too,
Imagine all the people,
Living life in peace.

You may say that I'm a dreamer,
But I'm not the only one,
I hope someday you'll join us,
And the world will be as one.

Imagine no possessions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people,
Sharing all the world.

You may say that I'm a dreamer,
But I'm not the only one,
I hope someday you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

I was with a group of adults with special needs doing music therapy today when one of them requested for this song to be sung. Listening to the lyrics... I could only wonder if he understood what the song meant.

I was touched by the lyrics I must say.

Sam and Esther

2010-08-27T10:24:00.000-07:00

I was at a children's home today, with my colleagues as part of the team to promote Micah 2010 to the children.

I like what I saw. =)

The past week, I asked God to inspire me again. You know, at times you just need that little push again?

So yea, I was at this home. I am amazed and in awe of where they have arrived to, after 25 years of faithfully serving the needy children. Amazing and God blessed!

From what I experienced today, I learned that you don't need to be rich to be a blessing to another. God have given you enough. And with what you have, you use it....

There are 115 children in the home. These children comes from different backgrounds, orphans, single parents, parents who are drug users, etc, etc. To most of us, these children are the sad stories.

When my colleague told me about what we were going to do there, that is to share with the children, to remember the poor, and to make a promise to stand and pray for the poor. I thought she meant that teaching them now, so that when they grow up, they can do as shared. But NO! She challenged me to see the children doing it even now, at this tender age! To start helping the poorer people in need.

I was doubtful....

Know what?.... These children proved me wrong.

Being in the hall and doing the programme with them, I was just observing these children. I could sense God's presence in their lives. Despite their circumstances, He is real and they are of value and of great potentials.

I saw how they respected and cared for one another. It was awesome and heartwarming. One of the kid was on wheelchair, with stiffed limb. I saw how they included that kid into every activity, even the handprinting (which was a little messy), photoshoot, meals,....

Me, coming with my work experiences, I must say, I am truly humbled and inspired by what I saw. These kids helped and served with their heart. They are experts in handling the kid on wheelchair. I must say I am in awe of their kind generosity in caring and helping that kid. I am so glad that we took a step back and just observed.

It was a blessed day indeed. Before I end, we showed the children this video.

Heart wrenching? Yea... That was intentional. Now, let's put your feelings into something more constructive. Do something! ;)

ps: to know more about what happened to Sam and Esther, click on the link

i. Sam and Esther Follow Up Story
ii. Sam and Esther's sister Jane: He Changed My Life!

Random Thoughts

2010-08-20T01:19:00.000-07:00

I'm so simple that it sounds complicated sometimes.
I'm not a cube, therefore, do not fit me into a box.

What do you do with what you have?
Have you ever been tired, trying to prove yourself or meeting up to expectations? I have, even just by the thought of it. Bleh...

Ever seen the sky smile at you? I have. I thought it looked weird, but it was funny and nice! =)

Mirror

2010-07-06T07:58:00.001-07:00

Have you looked into the mirror lately?
Who do you see? Hahaha....

July 1st - Smile!

2010-07-01T07:57:00.000-07:00

This marks the mid half of the year and its been going great... ahem! ^_^

A new found friend kept reminding me and asking if I have been smiling. I thought that was kinda odd question to ask. I'll smile when I want to, I'll smile when I'm happy, I'll smile when I want to be pleasant, I'll smile, yes I'll smile.

Which brought back some old school memories. I had a friend who said I've got a smile plastered on my face!

So yea, back to July 1st, I reviewed my 2010 resolution. Lo and behold!!! Resolution No. 1 - To smile more!!!

So, there you go, new found friend! Thanks for the reminder and I shall be working on it! ;D

Resolution No. 2 - To be nice to people and get to know them genuinely. Working on it!!! Hardwork, hardwork, its a hard hard work.... hahah...

Resolution No. 3 - To fit into the unique mould God has for me. I am coming to realize and affirm of what I'm passionate about, what causes I am for, what I stand for, what I believe in, what are my parts or role to play, what are my resources. I am coming to realize, that I don't need to fit into a box that someone has for me. I fit into God's unique mould that He has for me.

Learn to worship Him again. Working on it!! Its a lifestyle!

Resolution No. 4 - Take time to have fun! Amen... Working on it!!!

Looking forward to a great second half of the year! God bless!

Soldier Boy

2010-06-15T08:26:00.000-07:00

My boy said he wants to be a soldier when he graduates from school.....

I made him promise that he will never kill another person in that service....

Instead, he will be a soldier of peace.
Using his authority and power to protect and to love.
Amen!

Looking Through the Sand Timer

2010-06-14T07:29:00.000-07:00

It was Six months of anticipation, and waiting, and spent in prayer. And when the day finally arrived, I lived that dream!

Five years ago, I would not have thought of ever visiting that region. It was then, I also started knowing someone who would make an impact in my life.

Four years ago, I had fear which people would probably won't be able to understand. Fear of losing someone you know (and thought you love and care for), but there is NOTHING that you can do to HELP except to pray that he is not among the casualties.

Early Three years ago, hopes were dimmed but I continued praying that he and his family will be kept safe. Many of times; thoughts of just letting go and giving up, but a flicker of hope shined on.

Late Three years ago, I finally had news of him and reasons to smile again. The prayers worked and his family are safe. So many times I thank God for protection; as real as it can be, I almost lost him. A rocket did hit his house, but fortunately they weren't at home.

Two years ago, the letters starts coming in again. And my boy is growing up.

One year ago, my boy became a young man. I am very proud to see him grow through the years; from a 10 year boy to a 16 year old and still maturing young man.

Six months ago, I started praying that God will provide a way, that God will keep us safe, that God will be in control of everything. I played my part and made necessary stuffs that no matter what, I will not miss this opportunity.

Two weeks ago, my worst fear showed up. Something that I prayed would not happen in that region, but it did happen. Talk about timing and God showing off Himself to me. Psalm 112 was the promise I received from Him, my God who shows Himself true.

One week ago, the accumulation of the years, months and weeks finally became a reality. It was more than I had ever imagined or prayed or wished for. It was an amazing amazing experience; wonderful people, wonderful country, wonderful boy, wonderful family.

With all her beauty and her war scars, her dreams and her nightmares, her hopes and her constant challenges; her land and her people showed me the meaning of resilience.

Today, I write it down; so that I shall never forget.

Tomorrow, I pray and hope for a better future; for where the tree comes from, may it bear seeds of love and tolerance and understanding and grace. And may my boy's future be blessed!

Zits

2010-05-26T07:31:00.000-07:00

Yes!!! Comic strip again. Laughed my head off when I saw the mom's respond and the father's reaction to the respond... hahahahah =D

I just have to share this!

2010-05-12T05:46:00.000-07:00

Okie, I don't wannt get to overboard on Pickles, but this is just too funny!!! I've got to share it! Check out Nelson's hair! ROFL... =D Its hillarious!!~ hahahahaha...

Pickles Tickles ;D

2010-05-11T09:17:00.000-07:00

Pickles tickled me again... Ain't it cute? Like grandpa, like grandson. ;D

I love the Pickles~ =)

2010-04-29T17:22:00.000-07:00

I love the Pickles~ They amuses me sometimes. =D

Just dump him, Silly!

2010-04-27T01:54:00.001-07:00

This radio advertisement has been playing on for a few weeks now. It’s a burger ad, called “Angry Whopper”. In the ad, it talks about a girl seeking revenge on another girl for stealing her boyfriend. After eating the burger, she’ll get all fired up and angry and ready to meet that boyfriend stealer.

What utter rubbish was that advertisement? I found it tasteless and disgusting. What kind of message are they sending to young people? Don’t be fooled ladies……

Listen up!

Woman! If the guy that you are dating is so easily swayed and “stolen” by another girl, dump him! He is not worth it!!

Don’t be so silly to seek revenge from the girl. If the guy is so easily smitten by another girl, most likely he will do it again and again and again and again. Why would you want to have that kind of guy in your life anyway?

Come on, you deserve someone better. Don’t seek revenge, dump that jerk!

You are worth much more!

State of Flux

2010-04-23T08:01:00.000-07:00

I never knew this word existed until it appeared in my dream... flux...

26 Jul 09 " I had a strange dream. I dreamt being at the seaside and there was a change happening over the horizon. Right above the water, the air looked curved and bended in "S" shape like motion, something like how gas fuel would look like.

People who saw that change moved indoor, those who did not remained at the sea. I don't know what happened to them, but all were amazed, some or all of us just stood and watch.

I remember someone in the dream mentioned the word "flux" and it was a natural phenomenon. Now, I think that was the first time me hearing that word......"

" I woke up this morning remembering it. I thought it was a very strange dream. And I remembered the word "flux", thinking it might be real, thinking it might be fiction.

Lo and behold, it is a real word found in the dictionary!

Flux - continuous succession of changes ; flowing ; inflow of tide

I wonder what does it mean? What is the significance of it? What is the change? What is the inflow? What is the tide? What is the meaning of the dream? Or if there is any meaning to it?"

These were snippets penned down on my journal. (yes, i do write.... in my journal) It was a very vivid dream and I can still remember the details of it.

I'm not sure if I've come to the end of this discovery and revelation, but I have come to recognize the meaning and significance of the dream. I did not know it then, but I did suspected. And now I confirm. It was God preparing me for changes that were coming my way then. By the way, someone did prayed with me saying there were changes coming my way. Then.

The past one and half year, I see it happening in my life. Changes. (I won't list down the details, least I might bore you). Before the dream, I used to "resent" changes. Not that I can't take it, its just something I find troublesome, upsetting and frustrating. Well.... major renovation He did! And I'm glad He did it.

This morning, at work, at a training, there it appears again the word, "flux"

State of flux - a state of uncertainty about what should be done (usually following some important event) preceding the establishment of a new direction of action.

So that was what it was all about........ I'm in awe at how God works in my life.

Thank You

2010-04-18T08:31:00.000-07:00

I am taking this space to say "THANK YOU!".
Thank you for your kind generosity.
It is a blessing and a prayer answered.

Why I love the Care...

2010-04-11T03:53:00.000-07:00

Family camp

No matter what background you came from, the good the bad, the messed-up and the blessed-up, you are accepted and embraced into the family. And I love that.

No matter how good or how bad you think you are, whether you are the best or the worst, you still get cheers just because you are my brothers and sisters. And I love that.

No matter what you do in the organization, significant or behind the scene, grassroot or top level, you are all really just a bunch of fun-loving people. And I love that.

I love the fact that it is filled with laughter.
I love the fact that it is genuine.

I love the very fact we were at the golden sands.
I love the very fact that I love that very place so much ^_^

Oh, and I just noticed...
My three favourite organizations, the ones that I believe in and supports,
They are all in orange~
Mm-mmm~ Juicy~~ ;P

I do

2010-04-07T08:04:00.000-07:00

I smile when I see blue sky with white clouds,
I smile in awe at the sight of rainbow.

I delight in playing with cute little puppies,
I delight in cute little baby smiles.

I laugh when I think something is funny,
I laugh when I know I was being silly.

I frown at little children's tantrums,
I frown and laugh when adults get emo.

I learn from mistakes,
I learn to allow others to learn; from their experiences

I cry when it hurts,
I cry when I am overwhelmed.

I love it when ol' school songs play on radio,
I love it when God's hands moved.

I ask when I don't know,
I ask when I am curious.

I choose the things that I like, and sometimes,
I choose the things that are right.

I like mangos and coconuts,
I like waterfalls and parks.

I enjoy the sight of flowers,
I enjoy the sight of many, many, many trees.

I ponder sometimes where technologies bring us to,
I ponder sometimes if life could be simpler.

I have nothing more to say or could think of,
I shall head off to bed. =P

21 Days

2010-04-02T10:21:00.000-07:00

Job 23:10 "He knows the way that I take, when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.

"I told God I don't want to be gold, why would I want to be gold? I thought I was already at gold. Well..... apparently to Him, I'm not yet...."

The past 21 days have been erm.... A time of remoulding and re-refining. How I dread the process.....

The past few weeks there have been an accumulations of a lot of things that were bothering me. Things that causes anxieties, stress, dullness, tiredness, feeling at lost, doubting again if it was all worth it...

You know, how sometimes you question if the choices you made were right? If doing all that you are doing now matters? If dying to self was worth it? Where am I now in life? Where am I heading? Did I miss out in some stuffs? ooooo.... There were lots of questions.

So what did I learn?

Though I hate the process of remoulding and re-refining, it is something that I cannot escape, or run away from. In fact, I had no choice but to turn back to God. I've got a feeling these will keep on happening and its gonna be a life long journey. And process.

Just keep on walking~*

It Is Different, This Time Around.

2010-03-20T07:16:00.000-07:00

I was at an interview photoshoot today. It was for Cleo Magazine Young Achiever's Award. My story from AYA Awards caught their attention and therefore, the magazine nominated me for the award. The story will only come out in the May '10 issue.

While I was there doing the photoshoot, it felt different. And I like it.

This time around, it felt more meaningful.

I remember the previous photoshots, that I did for various reasons, there was a certain pressure to perform and to please. They were somewhat cold and fake, nobody really cared about how you feel. You put on a smile and you freeze there, waiting for the camera to click.

You know, I was just reflecting. This time around, I don't need to be an eager beaver, ready to please people. This time around I can just be me. And its nice!

It was nice being able to share with them a bit of what I do. It was nice that they were fussing around making sure that I'll look nice. It was nice that the cameraman was kind and friendly, making sure the lighting and angles were right. It was nice being complimented. It was nice that they allowed me to be just who I am. In short, it was nice being "valued".

No pretends, no mask, beauty flaws seen, it was refreshing!

Cost of Lebanon Trip

2010-03-09T16:06:00.000-08:00

And so it is confirmed. The trip to Lebanon is on!

The tentative dates are 7-11 June 2010.

Here's the breakdown of the cost given by World Vision:-

Airfare RM 3700 - 4000
Meals RM 420
Room RM 680
Local Transport RM 300
Travel Insurance RM 53
Gift for children RM 50
Contingency RM 241
Staff Cost RM 550 - 580
TOTAL RM 6000 - 6500

So far, with the funds that I've raised I am able to cover all the expenses, except the airfare. That cost a bomb! I wonder if any kind souls out there could help sponsor?

Oh yea, and the staff cost? Its kinda sucky that the child sponsors would have to pay for the staff too. Worst is, somebody who is needing sponsor, having to pay for their staff to go on the trip.

Smart moves on their part, but not very nice feelings on the child sponsors.

PS:- I have been sponsoring a child from Lebanon the past 5 years. This year is the first time World Vision Malaysia is organizing a trip there. And yes, this trip means a lot to me. You would understand it, if you sponsor a child from Lebanon too.

The Three Baduts

2010-02-01T06:10:00.000-08:00

It is holiday in the Kingdom and the animals had been talking about a break away into the jungle. They were going on an adventure to search for the Hidden Treasure Stream.

Panther had gone ahead a day earlier with his mate and friend peacock. They were gonna prepare a feast while the rest of the animals arrive the next day.

Panther had also invited Ostrich Egg (Ooee). See, Ooee rarely has opportunity to get out of the nest unless Beaver comes along and unless the rest of the animals invite Ooee. It is hard for Ooee to move as freely as the other animals. Out of kind gesture, Panther invited Ooee, because anyhow, the animals in the Kingdom are all one family.

So there, Panther left earlier and left the orgnization of the animals into the aterek to Giraffe and Swan.

The day arrived and the animals were eager to leave for the adventure ahead of them. Then.......

The adventure started even before they left the Kingdom!!! Drama!

Ooee's aterek had problem! It kept dying, could be the enigne or the hctulc problem. Sheesh! So, a Plan B had to be devised.

The Swan family offered their aterak and off the animals went to get Ooee, Beaver and Peacocky.

Oh my! Oh my! Tears from above started falling down..... Giraffe, Swan and the rest of the animals started to worry, how to get Ooee into the saving aterek.

And then it started to POUR!!! DRAMA!!!

Giraffe and Swan took out their umbrella became the Rescue Baduts. Beaver was part of the Rescue Baduts. As the tears from above poured down, the three baduts went on their mission to move Ooee into the saving aterek. Giraffe and Swan took the task of shelthering Beaver and Ooee from tears from above, while Beaver does what he does best, helping Ooee to move around.

Beaver heaved and puffed, pullled and thuged, pushed and carried, doing all that while Giraffe and Swan balanced the umbrella above Beaver and Ooee's head. It would have looked like a mission impossible at that time, BUT THEY MADE IT!!!!! YAY!!!!!

And so, the Rescue Baduts did they job and off the animals goes to the jungle in their eteraks!

There were many challenges along the way to jungle, we shall spare the details. In short, the animals arrived safely at the sanctuary and the feast was lay out for them. Panther and his mate did an awesome job in preparing the feast.

The animals enjoyed the jewels in the sky that night and especially the brilliant single pearl. It was so round, so bright, and so amazingly breathtaking. The animals just gave a lot of praises to their Creator in awe of His handiwork.

Long story cut short, the animals made it to the Hidden Treasure Stream and had a great time swimming in its cool water.

Moral of the story:-
1.There will be times when the animals will be tested if they practice what they preach.
2. Giraffe will not want to work with Panther anymore.....

A Full Circle

2010-01-24T07:36:00.000-08:00

http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2010/1/17/lifefocus/5478379&sec=lifefocus

http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2010/1/17/lifefocus/5478398&sec=lifefocus

http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2010/1/17/lifefocus/5473917&sec=lifefocus

That's my hope and wish for Elie. That he will come into a complete full circle! =)

It's A Secret No One Knows

2010-01-15T00:39:00.000-08:00

While driving to work this morning, this song came on radio, Mmmbop, by Hanson.

It brought back good memories of the fun schooling days, carefree and happy.

Anyway, part of the song's lyric struck some truth and almost made me misty eyes, despite it being a bouncy cheerful song.

"Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose
You can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows
It's a secret no one knows
It's a secret no one knows"

I love it....

It kinda reflects what I am doing at work. God had asked each of us to faithfully sow, sow into the life of people. As I try to faithfully sow into the lives of the little ones and their family, I faithfully scatter the seeds of love, care, faith and hope. I can keep on sowing and find out which one will grow. Its a secret that no one knows except when I see the fruits of these lives in Heaven. Amen! =)

The New Normal?

2010-01-14T01:27:00.000-08:00

A New Normal?

Mummy dearest went through an operation few days ago. It was to remove a cancer growth. The very same day in the evening after the operation, she was already eating, walking, talking, laughing, etc....

While I was in the Miss Malaysia pageant, the beneficiary at that time was PRIDE. They did a breast cancer awareness campaign and there were ladies who had breast cancer sharing their stories. Some were really young, like in their 20's?

Many of them had smiles on their faces, and I was kinda puzzled by the outlook. After listening to their stories, I was convinced, "Hey, life goes on. Cancer doesn't stop a person from living."

So yea, when it was confirmed that the growth was malignant, I am really pleased and happy at how mom took it. She was so positive about it, yet also aware how human we are, acknowledging there will be some emotions involved.

Anyway, I like what she said. "Life still goes on!". So yea, still do expect to see her in gym, holidaying, climbing hills, and so on.

I like this one, her own brother said it. "This is a first time I see a cancer patient like you. Still so cheerful and happy."

So tell me, is this the new normal?

Mommy Dearest

2010-01-08T08:48:00.000-08:00

The beauty of those who know their God.

I am very much my mother's daughter. The good qualities of her that is. The bad ones, well, lets just say I know how to choose.

My confidence, I got it from her.
My independent spirit, I got it from her.
My "talent" in handiwork, I got it from her.
My stubborn will, I got it from her.
My tomboyness, I got it from her.

There are many times (countless) we disagree on things, that is because we are so alike.
Each so stubborn and headstrong in what we believe in is right.
Well, we're reminded again, each are uniquely made by God.
You pursue your own dreams, I pursue mine.
Let's blossom into the unique calling and destiny He has in stored for us.

The beauty of those who know their God, I see it in my mom. I love her positive outlook for now, the peace that guards her heart and yup, life carries on. It is that blessed assurance.

It is now I slowly see the the causes of anxieties and worries of the couple years past. It was sucky times, but now I understand.

Well, let's just say mom, don't worry much. It is time to let go and let your eagles fly!

Resolution

2009-12-26T08:24:00.000-08:00

Resolution 2009

1. Not letting disappointments get to me. (checked!) I did it! =)
2. To be nicer to people and get to know them genuinely. (checked!) I did it! =)
3. To grow spiritually and consistently. (.....) working on it -_-
4. To have fun again! =D yay!

=================================================

Resolution 2010

1. To smile more! =D =D =D
2. Continue to be nice to people, and to get to know them genuinely! =)
3. To fit into the unique mould God has for me. Learn to worship Him again. =)
4. And of course, take time to have fun! =D

Dear Friends

2009-12-22T05:24:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

I don't really know how to write this post, but I want to try. Trying to think how to begin.....

====================================================

Spare a Fifty?

Update on Elie

Elie Is A Young Man Now

====================================================

If you have been reading my previous posts, you will probably know who Elie is. He is my 'son', a boy from Lebanon whom I have been sponsoring the past five years through World Vision Malaysia. I have written a few posts about him and have shared about how his life has enriched mine. Many times, in ways bigger than what mere 50 ringgit can buy in Malaysia.

Two weeks ago, I received the usual newsletter from World Vision. I could not believe my eyes when I saw Lebanon would be part of the upcoming sponsors' visit in 2010. I was just saying that prayer few months ago!! O_O" Tear of joy were slowly brimming in my eyes, and then it happened..... It is going to cost RM 6,000 - RM 6,500 for that trip! A different type of tears started shedding.....

Where am I to find that kind of fund? How am I able to save up that much? What am I to do?!

I asked God and I committed it to Him.

Not when I have waited this long, that I am going to let finances to hold me back from this trip.

I have called World Vision Malaysia a couple of times to inquire about this trip. They can't provide much details yet, they could only tell me that it will tentatively be in June or July 2010. They will keep me informed about the trip. I told them it would be great if the trip could be confirmed. I could then proceed with fund raising and saving for this trip.

RM 6,500.

====================================================

I am not sure who will actually read this post, but I just want to try. I have had strangers stumbling upon this blog. One of them whom I am keeping in touch with. Who would have ever thought, my simple writings would be an encouragement to a family many miles away? Half way around the globe to be exact! =)

Anyway, like I wrote in the beginning, it is a bit hard to write this entry.

I just want to say, if you are reading this and feel or lead to share on how I can raise RM 6,500 in a clean and creative way, do let me know.

Or.....

If you would like to sponsor part of the cost of this trip, do let me know too. =)

The Annual Progress Report

Letters from Elie

Philantropist

2009-12-07T06:12:00.000-08:00

When I was young, I used to be in awe of the word Philantropist. I used to think they are super wealthy rich people, who gave part of their fortune to a worthy cause like education, vaccination, health care, etc... Names that came to my mind were Bill Gates, Jacky Chan, Lim Goh Tong. I had this little dream that I too wanna be a Philantropist. I've just got to wait till I get rich.

I recently looked up a dictionary to find the meaning of the word "Philanthropy".

It meant "Love of all mankind"

Wow.......

A local magazine recently featured an article of me and about what I do. The title of the article is "From Beauty Queen to Philantropist".

Philantropist. Love of all mankind. Me?

I am humbled just by the thought of it. Me a philantropist? Do I have what it takes?

God. Love for all mankind. Jesus.

Jesus modeled the way. I follow. He gives me what it takes.

Disabled fight adversity for education

2009-12-06T06:32:00.000-08:00

Disabled fight adversity for education

I saw this in the newspaper today. I salute these young souls for advocating and championing their rights to education and daring to achieve their dreams.

I don't see why our school can't be modified to be wheelchair friendly. How hard can it be to install railings and slopes?

School that invests in these shows that they care. Government that provide funding for these shows that they care. Care shows how much value you put in a person's life.

Carol

2009-12-01T02:44:00.000-08:00

Its only been a short one year of knowing her, and I am blessed.

Many of my friends were curious about her when they saw her. Some did not know how to approach her, some worried about saying the wrong things, some would rather stay away. The friendlier ones would take a bold step to get to know and talk to her.

I was always amused by the sight of it. I either laugh or smile or shake my head..... In all, I know Carol doesn't mind what people think of her. She has something in her that is bigger than life, despite her size... ;) She is just an amazing lady!

I am definitely going to miss her. I never thought it would only be for a year of knowing her. I thought many more years would come.....

Carol is a friend whom I know I can be myself. I used to think and wonder how we could click so well. I guess, it was chemistry. Or maybe it was just her wittiness; bubbly funny self that makes her interesting and attractive. ;)

She shared with me once when I first got to know her, that when she was young, she never knew or made to feel she was any different from the other children. She played along and grew up like all the other kids. It wasn't till her siblings starting going off to school and she wonders why she can't.

Its kinda funny also when she shared on how when she first went to Sunday schools, the only thing she did the first few weeks was to stare at the other children... And the other children stared back at her... (coz they haven't seen children like her, and she hasn't seen children like them). If you know Carol, it would have been a funny sight, 'coz her eyes were so big! =P hehehe, and she shared about how she used to give her teacher a hard time asking tough questions.

Carol is an outspoken lady, never fearing to say what is on her mind. I like that in her. We'll definitely gonna miss a strong advocate for the community.

My life is definitely gonna be less colourful now without her..... =( *sob!*

How now? =( =( =(

HEY CAROL!!!! When I do get to Heaven, do say "Hi!" to me k! Just in case I don't recognize you... love ya and missing ya~!

When Death Comes Knocking

2009-11-30T02:33:00.000-08:00

At your dying bed, do you know if you'll be going home?

Life after death never really struck or bother us until when it comes knocking.

When I am to breath my last breathe, I want to be at a place assured that I'll be going home. I will be where my God has prepared for me. I will be at home with Him. =)

I don't know when the day will come, but I know there will be rejoicing and celebration because I have made it home. I know I am going back to where I belong, with God.

Lord Jesus, I thank You for faith. For You just preparing us for greater things ahead. For You to take my sins away and allowing me into Your Kingdom.

Lord, until the day comes, use me to do Your will. Use me to fulfill Your purpose. Amen! =D

Make War a Crime

2009-10-31T08:28:00.000-07:00

Is it possible?

The past four days have been a journey for me. I was at the Criminalize War International Conference and Exhibition at PWTC, Proceedings of the Kuala Lumpur War Crimes Commission and Hearing of the Kuala Lumpur War Crime Tribunal.

I first heard about this initiative to "Make War a Crime" or also known as "Criminalize War", back in 2007. The year before, 2006, there was a war at Lebanon. Not many people would have given a thought about that war because it does not effect them. But that war had me had a certain fear, its hard to describe. I feared of losing someone I know, that he may die anytime. My "son" Elie, (a child whom I have been sponsoring the past 5 years under the World Vision programme in Lebanon) could have died anytime at that war. Because of that war, I decided to visit the exhibition then in 2007. It changed my perspective.

The past four days have been surreal. I was among world leaders, judges, professors, activists, lawyers, experts, etc... and of course the general public (like me). Witnessing the Guantanamo Bay and Abu Ghraib torture victims giving their testimonies was like watching a movie, unfortunately it was real life story. It really boggles the mind of; how man can stoop so low to commit such henious barbaric acts.

Its kind of hard to put into words or construct proper post for this blog. But here are some of my thoughts.

1. My brother who knew I went for the conference asked, if it was about bashing the Israellis. If only he was there to listen to the talks. I understand the sensitive fear of religion that is involved or nationality or even skin colour. But if only, if only we can move beyond that, put all aside, religion, colour, nationality and see, see for yourself; an individual loved by God, made in His image, the humanity involved, killed in war. While I was there listening to the conference, not once was it about religion, tho some crazy people tried to stroke it, the speakers are really to be admired to remind the audience that really, its not about all that. Its the humanity that is involved, mass killing of innocent people, children, women, old, disabled....

2. I have always admired Tun Mahathir for his leadership and putting Malaysia on the world map. I have always wished to listen or to meet him live. And my wish came true. He gave the keynote address at the conference. It is really simple and easy to follow, it makes sense, it is logic.

Back in 2005, when he called the former US president a murderer, I thought that was outrages. I mean, who dares call a powerful nation leader that? He must have been out of his mind. Actually, my little mind couldn't comprehend then what it was all about. I, among the many were ignorant about wars because it does not affect me. It does not effect me, so I didn't care, till 2006.

The quote that I liked most from the keynote address is "If the killing of one person is murder, a crime deserving of the most severe punishment, why must we regard the mass killing of people as legitimate and proper?" It is quite logic, doesn't it? I mean, read the papers, read the murders or crimes that is going on. People seek justice for it. Therefore, what about war? Where INNOCENT thousand dies? Where is justice?

The call is quite radical, it calls for a change of mindset..... Therefore the question... is it possible to make war a crime?

3. Depleted Uranium.... What is it? Its kinda hard for me to explain 'coz i'm no expert on this subject, but simple research on the net would help. Depleted Uranium, its quite scarry what it can do to the future generation. The exhibition showed pictures of babies, tell me how would you feel he/she is yours?

The future is actually quite terrifying, if war continues... Greedy crazy lunatics invent weapons, each even more sophisicated than the other. Each, able to kill more than the other. And the fact that nuclear weapon is involved, it really does scare me. Imagine the contamination that will be in the air and water, the whole world will be affected! People will die. Even nations who are not at war will be affected, just because of the fact that we need air to breathe, breathe radioactive contaminated air.

4. Guantanamo Bay. I've seen it on paper, I didn't bother to read about it. Moazzam Begg and Sami Al'Hajj both gave testimony at the commission, both were wrongfully accused and of mistaken identity to be part of the Al-Qaeda terrorist. Both were held at Guantanamo bay, Moazzam 3 years, and Sami 5 1/2 years. Together with these two men, were 4 other victims who were detained at Abu Ghraib, one of them was a women. All were innocent civillians accused of crime they did not commit. They were guilty until proven innocent, instead of innocent till prove guilty.

Just sitting there listening to them share about the dastardly torture they went through, (the woman was hit plastic chair repeatedly till it broke, a man being pulled around with leg tied to rope in a pool then put into a cold air-con room naked with ice shoved up the head in a hood, being hog-tied for 18 hours, mentally and physically humilited, rape, pictures and torture taken in nude, psychiatrist were sent in to suggest suicide to prisoners, solitary confinement for 2 years, lights on for 24 hours for 1 year without ever seeing sunlight, water boarding, sensory depreviation, exteremely loud blasting music 24 hours, and many more torture that are not mention here). It is clearly inhuman, how can such treatment be subjected to a human being? Imagine, you going through it. You were wrongfully accused, and subjected to the many torture. Just imagine will you? Will you go insane? Will you commit suicide? Will there be any dignity left in you?

I, I don't know how these victims endured or overcome the psychological effect of the ordeal (some 6 month, some 3 years, some 6 years). I just want to honour them for their ability to stay sane and strong, and to share of their testimony. It was also revealed, children as young as 9-15 were detained at Guantanamo Bay. Children!

5. "Apathy is our biggest enemy in efforts to make war a crime". I totally agree with that statement. If only you have seen the pictures, the horrors of wars, your conscience will tell you what to do. Stop the apathy!

So is it possible to make war a crime? It needs a radical change of mindset.

What Colour?

2009-10-25T08:09:00.000-07:00

"What colour of underwear are you wearing today?"

Uh-huh, yup! I was asked this question LIVE on national TV last week. So erm..... How would you answer?!

I looked around the studio, searching for help from my friends....hahah..... The looks on their faces were like:-

i. Shaking head
ii. Shaking head, eyes down, I can't believe they ask this question!
iii. Shaking head, eyes down, save yourself Jecy!
iv. Shaking head, laughs, what are you going to answer?
v. Shaking head, you are doomed!
vi. Shaking head...no....

So yea..... I think many of them sympathize with me, even those who watched it on TV. Many of them laughed about it too, Haha, I'm laughing along with them too! Funny, 'coz one of my friend sms-ed me and told me to "Chill, don't get angry...". I wasn't at all! I just thought it was really funny, and kinda like a joke! Gosh! Imagine the stories that I could tell..... Hehehe.... Let's just imagine, who knows? Maybe next time, I may be invited to speak to a group of young people in schools, colleges, inspiring and telling them about life. And yea, think that you're going through rough time, and being down, and humiliated, without hope and etc..... Well, guess what?! I was there too!!! Almost embarrassed LIVE on national TV! How about that?! And guess what?! I've got GOD! =)

Hahah..... I really thank God for all the friends who prayed for me. Friends, wisdom and just God that gave me the right words to say. And yay! I'm glad it was answered well.... or so I think.... *Phew!*

So yea, I would like to know..... Imagine yourself in my situation, LIVE on national TV. "What colour of underwear are you wearing today?

How would you have answered? =) Do share or post your comment.

Is It A True Story?

2009-10-22T08:20:00.000-07:00

“Er, Jecy a. Today I was cleaning the 5^th floor a, and, and, er, I think its New Straits Times la. I saw your biography! (laughs) They got your picture, a! (laughs) I want to ask a. What they say is true a? Er, I mean wh-what they write is true a?”

“Erm, yea, that was me. (smile) What do you mean? Which part? What part is true?”

“Er, there th-the one they tie the children to-to the chairs? Is, is izzit true? Cannot be right? Why they tie a? Is it because they will kill people?”

Above was a brief conversation I had with this guy. I have been giving him a ride back to Subang after work and sometimes we chat on our way home. He is fresh out of school and now going through training at the work base to prepare him for the working world.

He read the article on NST about AYA Awards. A dear friend of mine had nominated me and I have been shortlisted as one of the finalist. The experience been great so far, but to be honest, I was not comfortable with attention that I was receiving. But if it is gonna give me a chance to share about what I do, I would gladly do it. =) I see it more of a platform to create awareness and to promote what I am doing at the moment, Pre-School Inclusion of children with special needs. Take time to listen intently if you are interested.

Anyway, yea, there was a write-up of the interview in the papers. I shared about what I do and my prior Miss Malaysia experiences and how it led to what I am doing today. I also shared about the home where I saw children and adults (both with special needs) being tied to pillars and chairs. In fact I have written quite a number of posts (passionately) about it in this blog (I think).

“Er, so a, wh- why they tie the children a? Adults also a?”

“Well, they claimed that they will hurt people like scratching and hitting. What do you think? Should they be tied?”

“Er, no la, I think no la, children cannot. Children cannot tie. Children can learn ma, they are young, we can teach them ma. We can teach them noh-not to hit people ma. Ca-cannot tie the children.”

I was impressed, hearing that from him. This guy has some form of learning difficulties and yet he understands the simple compassion of love for these children. How much it shamed those of us who are assumedly to be the “normal-typical able-to-think people”. Who also thinks that tying people to chairs and pillars would solve the problem!

“What do you think about the adults? Should they be tied to the pillar too?”

“The adults a? Er, what do they do a? I, I mean if you let them go? Will they kill people a?”

“ No la. Maybe they will just scratch people.”

“Oh, (Thinks...) Er, I think, I think only Jesus can help.”

“Oh... What do you mean?”

“Ca-cannot tie the adults also. Ch-children we can teach, they don’t understand but we can teach them ma, not to hurt people. But I think a, adults also difficult. Sometimes the trainers also don’t know what to do. O-only Jesus can help lor.”

Wow…. My heart was filled with delight by the answer. I mean, WOW! From a person who has learning difficulties, Jecy! Do you understand? Do you understand the power of God’s love? And the simple childlike faith? Wow….. I was humbled to learn and be reminded again by these people that I serve the things that God can do. Who said they don’t understand? Who say they can’t apply the power of God?

So is it a true story? Well yea, my Jesus is the true story. In Him there is Hope, in Him there is a Promise, and in Him there is Eternal Life. Would you want to know Him?

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace."

Absolutely Loving It

2009-09-20T08:16:00.000-07:00

I just wanna say...... I AM ABSOLUTELY LOVING WAT I DO!!!! =D =D =D

Just a little update on Chapter Two.

The pre-school project, which is now unofficially called IPP - Inclusive Pre-School Project is already running and operating since August. We're starting small at the moment, only 6 children, and the best part is, inclusion is already in the picture! =) it’s great to see the children accepting one another, being patient, tolerating and yea, starting them young, instilling good values.

2 of the 6 have special needs.

I am just reflecting on the short 1 1/2 month, it’s..... it’s like a little dream come true. I mean, I had imagined or dreamt or thought of doing this, but never really thought it would happened. I mean, you know, it’s nice to dream, but sometimes you wonder if it would ever be realized, or can you ever make the dream a reality?

Anyway, I am just so blessed to be part of this project. And yea, the people that I am working with in this project. It really makes a whole lot of difference when people believe and willing to take the bold step of faith to try and change. I admire their boldness in facing the challenges that were coming their way and just their openness and willingness to learn and trying new things. Not many people would have this kind of courage, but yay, bravo to the principal and the teacher! =D

I am reflecting on what just happened over the two weeks....... =) It gives me so much encouragement, so much hope and yea, things are possible. Things are possible when people have the right principles and philosophies, things are possible when people are willing to try, things are possible when there is support, and things are possible when you start believing..... (sounding almost preachy, but it make sense and it works, doesn't it?) I see it happening before my very eyes.

1 of the 2 special needs have autism.

When I was working in an early intervention centre, I used to wonder how is it possible to include a young child with autism into a typical pre-school. I know how challenging that can be for the child, the children and the teacher, especially at that such young age. hehehe.... I remember lots of struggling (physically), lots of tantruming especially if the child is new, lots of persevering and yea... never give up!

Anyway, I knew it was gonna be challenging for the teachers to accept this boy with autism into the programme. Before I go on.... please do read up and do your own research on autism...... I wanna say, yes they can learn, yes they can talk, no not all of them are savant but i'm proud to say Malaysia have two fine autistic savant artist (go find out who), yes they do seem to be in their own world, but you'll be surprised to know actually they do know what is going on around them and yea, I find them very interesting. ;)

Back to the boy, I am just so impressed by his progress and how he had adapted and settled well into the programme. I am not saying that he got along well since the beginning, there were lots of tantruming, lots of restraining, lots of reinforcing of good behaviours, lots or observing and analysing, basically lots of hard work and sweat to make it work. And looking at the sweet results, it is worth every bit. I am just in awe.... Actually yea, I am just in awe that it took less than 3 weeks for him to settle into the programme and establish a routine.... Amazing, Praise God!

I am so loving what I am doing now! =D woohoo! Talk about making a change..... hehehe.....

I get to give input into the programme, I get to work with the children, I get to inspire and train the teacher, I get to advice and talk to the parents..... What a privilege! =D

So yea, are you willing to let the Potter mould you? A lump of clay, me, zero experience, zero skills when I started. Clay mashed, kneaded, stretched, moulding, me, trusting God that it was for my own good. Now a pot, me, ready to be used....... =)

I am reminded of breaking, at the moment not yet, but yea..... If the pot is no longer useful, it will be broken. I think a brand new pot should last a while..... 2-3 years can? When the time does come, allow the God to mould you again. =D

As for now, let me do what a pot does. Be useful! =D =D =D

Its A Beautiful Picture

2009-08-29T04:13:00.000-07:00

The picture is beautiful. =) It looked like heaven to me.......

I had a great time at the camp. It was a wonderful experience, everyone and everybody accepted and embraced each one as how God has created them. It feels great! It feels "normal"!

Half of the campers had learning difficulties while the other half were the volunteer-helpers. I really loved the fellowship that we had at the camp. Its was amusing, fun and it blesses my heart seeing the campers enjoying themselves. They have such simple faith! Its beautiful!

While I was there, I was thinking..... would I really want inclusion? Would I really want the 10% of them included into our typical community? I'm afraid they might stick out so awkwardly like a sore thumb.....

What I saw at the camp, was such wonderful picture. Each of the campers seems so at home, each of them seemed to understand and seemed belonged, no one was left out, or no one seemed obliviously out of place. Hehehe.... Some behaviours were amusing tho... Others were plain attention seeking.... Aren't we all like that some times? =)

And each helpers.... They are all people with beautiful heart touched by God. Really, never to judge a book by its cover. I think two of the volunteers were prolly ex-drug addicts, its really great to see how God used their lives to touch the campers lives. Its amazing to see what God can do.

My experience with my camper? =)

Hehehe.... I had fun time with her, tho most of the time was spent as her shadow. =P she hardly gives any eye contact by the way! hmmm...... She amazes me by answering questions really well academically, and remembering and repeating facts well. She amuses me sometimes, when I forget she needs minor prompting with organizing her stuffs. She blesses me, when she said "pls come back..." when I had to go for volunteers de-brief while she had to go to bed. Its lovely to know that my presence is acknowledged. Hehehe.... and the fact that i'm not just a shadow that incessantly follows her around. =P

4 days 3 nights, I enjoyed every bit of it.

I respect and give credits to their family members who takes care of them 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. I don't know how they do it, but yea, respect!

Oh, the testimony! =D God bless their child like faith! Almost all of them want Jesus in their life! ;D Let's follow up!

GIFT* Camp

2009-08-25T01:43:00.000-07:00

I am looking forward to the camp tomorrow. I wanna see God move and witness real testimonies of God touching lives. =D I wonder how is He going to do it? I wonder if they understand. I am believing for God to move in His own special ways among the campers, among the volunteers.

I'll be a buddy to an 18 years old girl. According to my colleagues, she's really routined like clock work. =P I won't have to worry about being late, hehehe....

It will be fun and life enriching! Just imagine spending 4 days, 3 nights with young adults with learning difficulties, it will certainly be interesting. =D I'm gonna enjoy hanging out with my buddy! That is if she allows me into her world! I think she would...... =)

Elie Is A Young Man Now

2009-08-01T06:14:00.000-07:00

I recently received the Annual Progress Report from World Vision Lebanon. I was pleasantly surprised to see how much Elie has grown. He has grown into a young man now. =) There is a certain pride that swells up within me looking at his picture.... Maybe like how a parent would feel at their child's graduation, you know what i mean? Its like seeing your child grow up into a young adult, and I beam with pride seeing him all well and healthy. =D

Elie.

Its been almost five years now. He was only 10 when I started sponsoring his community. I've shared in previous posts about him, and how he changed my life in some ways. I've never imagined that time fly by so fast, that he's now maturing into a young man. In a few more years he's gonna graduate, find a job and settled down. =) sigh~ that makes me happy~~ its always been my prayer that he's safe, healthy, growing and receiving education and of course, that he'll grow up into a responsible purposeful young adult. I guess that would be every parent's dream for their child. And I have this privilege to dream and pray for Elie, as a "parent" to "son". =D

Elie, Elie, Elie.

Yea, time do pass by so fast. I am still hoping, dreaming and looking forward to the day where WV M'sia would organize a sponsors' trip to Lebanon. Would love to have meet Elie in person. =) That would have been awesome!

I was trying to calculate, the past five year, rm50 a month, rm600 a year, rm3000 was invested. What is RM 3K to you? Hmm....... To me, RM 3K is a big sum, I don't even have that kinda amount once in my bank! No denying that fact (for someone who doesn't earn much)*Ahem!*Cough!* =P But, when i see where, how some young adults would rather invest that money, ie:- IPhone, some ridiculously priced bag and clothes, actually..... yea, I am really happy where my 3K went!! =D I know one precious life was changed. =D

Tell Me More

2009-07-05T04:42:00.000-07:00

"What in the world?! @#%*&@**?:@!!*$", Was what came through my mind when I read the following three articles (also listed below in this blog) in The Star newspaper today. Sorry, for my undignified manner, I hardly or normally don't use crude language, but yea.... that's what I felt when I read the headline in the paper today.

I really don't know how to or what to, I'm trying to find the right word........ I really do feel that our country is still uneducated, uncivilized, untrained, uninformed, un-whatever about people with special needs, to have this kind of thing happening in our own backyard...... The shelter was tucked away behind a hospital right next the a golf course! Goodness sake! Why are these people kept in such undignified ways?! Aren't they human like you and me?

So why then are 30 men kept naked, some chained up, caged and covered in their feaces and urine? Why are there not even blankets to keep them warm on cold rainy nights? Why do the residents liked to hit themselves repeatedly? Why? You tell me why?.... I would like to know.......

If you have the answer, I would like to ask somemore..... Why is there claim of children in the shelter being fed with cough syrup so that they would be sleepy and docile? Why? Why is it that most of them are admitted into the centre because they were abandoned by their family members? Why? Why is it that they tried to apply to Government to provide with the necessary allocation but to no avail? Why? You have the answer?.... I would like to know..... Tell me why......

Its not about pointing fingers.... Its not about who is at wrong.... Its not about finding out who is at fault..... Its not about all those.....

I am really glad the newspaper carried about this investigation and to report this story boldly. I am sure tommorrow's paper will have some knee-jerk effect on this topic. People will express their outburst of fighting for human rights, calling the centre inhumane, wanting justice prevail and whatever not. ( I really do hope the newspaper article made some impact )

What I wanna say is.... Please let this not be a "one-time" get all emotional and fiery and passionate of the topic. Please be educated or at least be informed on special needs and see that they are human like you and me. Please ask yourself, what can you do or should I do anything about it.

Please..... Only when people care, things can change for better. Do you care?

A govt-run shelter for the disabled has, instead, become their jail

2009-07-05T04:39:00.001-07:00

A govt-run shelter for the disabled has, instead, become their jail

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Ray of hope that turned out to be a nightmare

2009-07-05T04:38:00.001-07:00

ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËRay of hopeÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ that turned out to be a nightmare

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Experts slam caregivers for chaining mental patients to their beds

2009-07-05T04:37:00.001-07:00

Experts slam caregivers for chaining mental patients to their beds

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Chapter Two Begins

2009-07-01T17:02:00.000-07:00

Its almost three years now, August to be exact. Today marks the day of a new chapter in this work / ministry. I am excited of what lies ahead! =D

So yea, I spent three years working with the children in the centre. Gained many experiences, the highs and the lows, the successes and the disappointments, the happiness and the heartbreaks. I was just reflecting on what are the things that i have learn through the three years. So I came up with these TOP FIVE. =D

To sum it all up in five point, is too little, but then again, its easier to write and read. =P

Point One : Good Sense of Humour, Love and Patience
Throughout the three years, whenever I tell people I teach children with special needs, the first thing that comes out of their mouth is "Oh... you must have lots of patience and love". Well, I must agree that those are essential, but I found out what kept me on was knowing how to laugh about it, at myself and the children. Can't tell you how many times I would have torn the hair out of my head, if not the humour that kept me sane. =) The children are just wonderful; if you know how to appreciate their own uniqueness and just them being a child. But then again, do have your love and patience ready. Give it all out unconditionally.

Point Two : Endurance
Oh boy! Talk about endurance.... seriously I can't believe I endured almost two years of public transport and travelling on it almost three hours per day. Its crazy!!! Anyway, I find it easier to endure when all things goes against me. Then I can stubbornly stand for what I believe in. =) Well, I don't mind if all things goes my way either... ; )

Talking about endurance, I would say it pays off when you reach the finnish line. I am glad to have made it and left a good testimony at the place of work. My colleague and I wrote a personlized card to each child's parent, just thanking and appreciating the privellege of working with their children. I knew I made my mark when one of the parent gave me a card and appreciated me for teaching her child. =) I'll show off the card if you wanna see it! =D

Point Three : Letting Go
There were countless of times that we were faced with disappointments and heartaches at work. I find what helped, was just letting go and try to keep up the good spirit. Even when you don't feel like it, just do it! Hold on to the things that are eternal, let go of the things that do not belong.

Over the years, I think I may have gotten immune to the sob stories shared by the people we served. Not that I've became insensitive to it, but it affects me in a different way now. Instead of crying along, I began to think of what can be done. How to help or if there is any way to help? Most of the time they are just looking for someone to give them hope. Well, it is not a bad thing if you know exactly where to point to find that HOPE.

Point Four : Chances of Potential Husband = Zero
My chances of meeting potential husband in the field? = ZERO! Being in here long enough, I know this work is dominated by ladies, at least in this country. So there goes my hope of finding the ONE in this field..... zero...... =P

Point Five : Needing God
In everything, you will always need God, especially in times when you feel like giving up. =)

Cheers!

Oh Boys!

2009-06-14T07:23:00.000-07:00

I was at a launch yesterday, for a new community service which is set up by a local church together with m'care. It is a family support and resource centre for families with children with special needs. It was birth out of a dialogue session with the local adun, and I'm glad that somebody took up the challenge to meet that needs.

Anyways, the launch yesterday was successful! I heard some families came just 'coz they heard there'll be a play group specially catered to children with special need. I can see the parents were really eager to sign up and can't wait for it to get started and running. I guess they are really hungry for services that are available to their children.

We had about 30 plus kids at the launch. I had fun with them! Thank God for the little training and experience I had at work and church. =) The kids that came yesterday were mainly children with learning difficulty and their siblings. And oh boy, were they a handfull! And majority of them were boys! *pengsan~* i was sharing with a fren that the whole experience was like running a toddler's service in church, where the children were everywhere! except this time, they were much bigger! O_o" hehe.......

McD sponsored lunch for the children while the adults had chicken rice. It was nice seeing families makaning together, as if going out for a picnic. Parents were chatting with each other while the children played. I like the sight of it, it gave me a sense of community togetherness, knowing they are not alone in this journey. There is hope, there is a shoulder to lean on and a ear to hear.

I am excited with the launch of this new service and resource centre. Pray that God will bless it and that many families needs will be catered to!

On a side note, I'll be working on a new project next month! well, I'm already working on it at the moment, but it'll be official next month. Yay! I'm excited about it and can't wait for it to launch. =D

I was just thinking about it a few days ago, never had I ever imagine that I'll be working together with a kindy operator, coming up with a programme, setting up the physical setting of the kindy, sourcing furnitures, toys, equipments, etc, etc.... it is exciting! Never in my wildest dream, thought i'll be helping a kindy to set-up. How cool is that?!

Anyways, about this new project. It's gonna be exciting! hehe.... 'coz there'll be plenty of kids, plenty of play and plenty of fun! we're hoping to come out with an inclusion programme where children with special needs and typical children have meaningful interaction in their early childhood (2-4 years old). And most of their time will be spent on play! Children's main occupation! =D Yup, we hope to see children with special needs being included into kindy's programme where they interact, play and learn meaningfully.

It's gonna be small baby-steps now.... Praying for wisdom that we'll get it right. I am looking towards a future where all our children with special needs will be accepted into kindys! =D

I Want To Write

2009-05-17T08:26:00.000-07:00

I have been having a lot of different thoughts the past few weeks. Each time when i'm inspired to write something, i put it on hold till I have enough creative juices. And while waiting, other thoughts comes up and another thought comes up and another..... so yea, i shall now attempt to write some stuffs that i have experienced or observed, some stuffs that are close to my heart and some stuffs that brings joy to my heart. I shall number my thoughts, as inspired by an ex-pm blog.... =P

1. I never knew baby pink and baby blue could go together so well. Having been driving to work in the early mornings, my colleague and i would admire the breaking of dawn and sometimes there are breathtaking sights. I once saw amazing colours of orangey, pink, purple, yellow, white, gold, blue, grey..... it was a sight to behold, me describing it will not do justice to what i saw. Anyway, i was just amazed at how God brought colours together in nature. I mean, who would have thought matching baby pink to baby blue colour? Well, maybe in the kids' room...... and that's also coz it was stereotyped to be baby's colours. Anyway, i just want to say, baby pink and baby blue is beautiful in nature. Try catching the dawn, maybe you'll understand what i mean then.

2. She is walking! I was so amazed when i saw her getting up by herself and taking the steady steps forward. I stared in amazement, couldn't believe what i had saw. I mean I knew the day would come when she'd start walking and running around but I never thought I'll be there long enough to witness it.

She's been coming to us for about 1 ½ years now. At that time she was not even crawling; she was on her tummy, moving her hands and feet at awkward position to move forward. Hmm.... something like swimming one-sided butterfly stroke on floor? The teachers worked hard with her, teaching her to use her limbs properly. She even had to learn how to fall correctly so that she won't fall smack down on her face.

Anyway, i want to proudly announce, this girl is finally walking today!!! =D AHHH, the joy it brings to the heart!!! I'm so proud of her, her mommy and the teachers who never gave up on her. Bravo to all!!! She turns 5 years old this year, soon she'll be running, jumping and skipping!

3. I had an opportunity to witness an outreach work among the urban poor children yesterday. This community centre was set-up and have been running for a year; and children from the flats and kampung area would come to the centre to play. These are the migrant worker's children, the poor and marginalized; the indians, malay or indonesian kids. I was just amazed at how these kids would come by themselves, like ants to sugar...... It is truly an amazing ministry and I'm inspired by it.

I can see so much potential in sowing into these young lives. I can imagine a majority of them are probably passed off as insignificant in school, nobody really give them hope and they may just fall into vicious cycle of poverty. I am glad that my God knows every single of His children, none of them are ever insignificant in His sight.

What i saw yesterday, were children who really wants to be there. I really don't know their background or what kind of family or home they are in.... not sure if they are even going to schools. I can see the community centre being the beacon light, shinning so brightly in the darkened world, giving light and hope to the community around it. The potential is so vast, i can just imagine the number of children whose life will be changed by it. Its amazing!

It so makes me wanna jump into it and be involved in that ministry, but wisdom (and other nagging responsibilities at hand) tells me to pray and seek God. I'm not even sure of what to pray, maybe for a key person to rise up from that church to lead that ministry and their church members volunteering their time. For me, it would probably be like a little romantic dream come true to start a ministry like that..... Erm...I shall leave that little dream to God.

So here, i shall conclude my thoughts, dot!

Till Death Do Us Apart

2009-04-11T08:32:00.000-07:00

It was announced last week to the parents that the MOU has ended and we're now in the transition of moving back to HQ. It has been a ripe fruitful partnership of 8 years and now its time to move into something else. I am looking forward to the new change; i caught a glimpse of it and it will be exciting. =D

At the same time, i will definitely miss the children whom i have grown to know and love personally.

It is coming to three years now. I wanna praise God that I am still where I am for it is by His grace that carried me through. I won't say it has been a long or short years, through it all, it has been a good fight. =D I am more aware of the needs and I can see greater things to accomplish and being the catalyst of change. It is not going to be easy, it has never been. I AM looking forward to the new challenges in stored. =)

Last week one of the parent asked what do i feel with the end of the partnership. Her daughter had been with us for about 8 months? She's a tough cookie to teach. Not an easy one at first, I had to win her over to my side and show her it is fun to learn. Many of times she would sweep the whole teaching materials off the table onto the floor, getting up the chair, climbing over her mom to make for the escape. Or she would get all squirmy and jelly like to slide down the chair, in attempt to escape the lesson. She even left me a mark on my hand, a scar. I don't know what to say..... a chance for me to practice unconditional love? Grace? -_-”

It was quite funny when she bit me, i had a shock of my life but i think she had a bigger shock when my reflex was to grab her neck. It was kinda funny when she burst out crying when i am the one who was feeling the throbbing pain with bits of my skin bitten off! Lol, it was funny, when i pointed it out and said to her, “See! OUCH!!! Teacher here pain!! OUCH!! No biting!! PAIN!! NO BITING!!!”

Anyways, praise God, i truly praise God that my reaction wasn't overblown. I think that time onward, I had won something.

Back to the mother, she had expressed that she will definitely miss us when we are gone. I can't tell you how much it touches my heart knowing that. A few days later, the her dad asked the same question and expressed the feeling of his daughter not being able to see us anymore. I am in awe of how we have made an impact and really making a real difference in these life. I am in awe......

I don't believe I will ever lose touch with these children. I mean, they have become a part of my life and we have been doing life together. With the little ones, with their parents. We have build relationships. We have been there for one another, praying for their individual life, being the support, lending a ear, be the encouragement, be the hope.

Being involved in this community, i don't think there is no such thing of “end”. I mean we're like a family, we are connected to one another, we are a network of support, we need one another. We never end. Only death will do us apart.

I want to look forward to see these children all grown up, living life meaningfully. Being an active participant and active contributor in society. I want to see them making it, to live meaningfully, every single one of them. Every single child that God has uniquely made.

I can't see how I will ever part with them. Only death........ or maybe distance. =)

A Place Called Home

2009-03-14T06:41:00.000-07:00

I was at a house dedication today. Somebody donated a piece of land and another donated the money to build the single storey bungalow. It is a nice and serene place, quiet in the kampong, with fruits trees around. Today’s sky was especially beautiful; blue with white puffy clouds, perfect place to get away from the suffocating city life.

Anyways, as we were singing praises and worship today, the experience and just being a part of it, brought tears to my eyes. Not wanting to be overly emo, but I felt it was just a beautiful sight of God’s perfect unconditional love. People of every kind coming together giving praise to our God. And that include people with intellectual disability.

I saw them clapping and lifting their hands, singing “Praise God, praise God”. Trying hard not to stare or laugh at their antics, sincerely, I think they must have brought a smile to their Father’s face. He too must have been smiling down from Heaven seeing His children enjoying themselves. I bet the boys did, seeing the way they danced and excitedly holding the mic, definitely they did enjoy themselves.

The Elder who shared the message today commended the lady who started the home. He said many of us can give money and our time, but that lady, she gave her life to the cause of caring and trully living together as a family with these adults with intellectual disability. Wow.....

In my mind, teaching and caring for these children were easy, 'coz they are so cute, adorable and funny. But these adults? -_- extra dosage of grace and love and lots of grace and love. Imagine living with them, till the day they die..... in like 40-50 years time....... whoa.......

In ending note, I am glad the community and fellow brothers and sisters in Chirst have responded to the needs and offered any help they could. It is great to see the body of Christ coming together meeting the basic tanglible need of a home.

I pray that the home will achieve its vision of living together as family, helping one another to live meaningfully and purposefully with dignity and self respect. God bless and protect them. Bless every resident and staff and volunteers and bless the home. Amen!

If I Were

2008-12-23T07:11:00.000-08:00

If I were a butterfly, I'd be purple, pink and blue
If I were a cloud, I'd be white and puffy against the blue sky
If I were the sky, I'd be orangey, purple with tinge of pink
If I were a rainbow, I'd like to be a full circle like a halo.

If I were flowers, I'd be colourful chrysanthemums
If I were a tree, I'd want to have lots of branches and vines that children can climb
If I were the grass, I'd want to be soft and fully green
If I were a fruit, maybe coconut will do.

If I were a book, I'd want to have volumes after volumes of wholesome stories
If I were a rollercoaster, I'd want to have loops and drops and curves that makes people scream their lungs out and their heart droped
If I were a house, I'd want it cozy, inviting, warm and soft
If I were a journal, I'd let the pen write whatever it wants

If I could fly, I'd be zipping in and out of the clouds with the birds
If I could hold my breath, I'd be diving into the vast ocean with corals, fishes and dolphins
If I could teleport, I'd be at the waterfalls and next the beaches and next the mountains and next the lake
If I could go back in time, I'd be rewriting history.

If I was anything I want to be, I'd be anything I want to be
Isn't it fun to revisit imaginations
Childhood that was forgotten somewhere
Midst of changing times.

Handsome Young Man

2008-10-30T08:15:00.000-07:00

I was awaken by a sudden kick at my foot. I looked up to see a tall handsome young man sitting right in front of me. I was a little annoyed when he did not acknowledge to say sorry. He seemed to be oblivious and settled into his seat. Annoyed i went back to sleep again....

A few stations later, people started coming in. I started noticing this man in front of me. He has very nice features, fair skin, a little rosy cheek and muscular built. He is quite good looking. =)

While looking and observing him, i started noticing some strangely familiar things about him. Somehow his movements, the way he looked at things around him, the way he moved his head, the way he listened, the way he wore his bag, the way the wore his trousers..... they were so familiar.....

They reminded me of one of my children.

Having that thought in mind, gosh, he really did have some same behaviour as the child!

The way he looked at things, the way he tries to identify where the sounds were coming from. The way the turned his head and looked around to the window. The way he sniffed the air and lacking social skills, sniffed the guy next to him. The way he holds the hand rail and again lacking social skills, his hand went way beyond to the other person's seats. The way he stands up, and started hanging both his hand on the hand rail. And he started making some grunting sound. Hehehe..... I found it amusing. It was my first time seeing a full grown adult, a man, with similar behaviour of this child.

Looking at his actions, i had a feeling that this good looking man might or prolly have some special needs. Autism maybe? And true enough, i saw him wearing a special LRT pass card for OKU. =)

In that short little experience, i noticed how the girls around him started keeping a distance from him, some moved away. Some gave a wide eye, worried, scared look. Some smiled politely, knowing something is different about this guy.

I never knew which station this guy got off. But i do wonder, what happened throughout the rest of the ride. It might have been interesting. =)

Maybe, i'll just bump into him again...... ;D

My Favourite Stories

2008-09-08T07:24:00.000-07:00

Its been two years working with the children. I was just thinking about the lifes that i came in contact with and reflecting the wonderful changes and progress that they have made. These are the stories that i love to tell.

My children.

I love this girl. She is just so funny. Cheeky most of the time, and when she laughs, she has the most enjoyable hearty laugh which adults don't have. I remembered when i first saw her two years ago, she was on all four, at four years old. It was weird seeing her crawling to get about and very fast at it. I remember the teachers doing lots of knee bending exercises with her and it paid off! She is walking today! Last week she rote counted 1 to 6 and that was the best i have ever heard so far. She finally opened her golden mouth to count for the reward of blowing 6 candles! And she has just turned six last weekend. =)

This boy used to be a terror, he still is sometimes to the newbies. Hehehe..... i used to dread being assigned to teach him as he used to come into the centre crying till he gets out an hour later. I described him as a whirlwind of ferocious tornado storm that whirls around the centre drowning all senses till he gets out. It used to be a wrestle getting him to sit on chair to do task, it will be a great success even to get him to sit for 30 seconds without having your hair ripped off. Hehehe... i love this boy! Terror that he used to be, he still is sometimes today. But because we have grown to know him, its funny and frustrating sometimes to see him whine and cry at the certain tasks presented to him. Anyways, i'm proud to say today he is reading sentences, learning to write, can count quantities and match to numerals. Amazing for a boy who has short attention span. He has the mischevious twinkle in his eyes.

This handsome boy came in with little speech and i remember he was a bundle of energy. Everywhere he went was run, run, run. Hehehe... like a bolt of lightning. He also had a wriggly butt which couldn't sit still and has to be on the move. =P Despite his hyperactivity, he learns very fast. He can do problem solving mathematics now. And mid this year, he was the top of his class at kindy!!! How cool is that for a child with special needs?!

Its funny when i think of it. The things that we celebrate and are so happy about are the simplest littlest thing, but a great feat for our children.

We make a big deal to praise them when they could go toilet by themselve. We make a big deal to praise them when they could drink using a cup. We make a big deal to praise them when they could walk. We make a big deal to praise them when they could read, write and count. We make a big deal to praise them when they could request for play. We make a big deal to praise them when they could sit and wait. We make a big deal to praise and encourage them doing the right stuffs. It is an academy award at every small little success!

With so much time and energy invested into teaching these little ones, my prayer is to see them being accepted as part of a community.

You Are Special - Max Lucado

2008-08-19T20:44:00.000-07:00

I stumbled upon this children story book by Max Lucado at my workplace. I love what i read. It is a simple heart warming story and little reminder to me of God's love. "Because you're mine. That's why you matter to me."

You Are Special – Max Lucado

The Wemmicks were small wooden people. Each of the wooden people was carved by a woodworker named Eli. His workshop sat on a hill overlooking their village. Every Wemmick was different. Some had big noses, others had large eyes. Some were tall and others were short. Some wore hats, others wore coats. But all were made by the same carver and all lived in the village. And all day, every day, the Wemmicks did the same thing: They gave each other stickers. Each Wemmick had a box of golden star stickers and a box of gray dot stickers. Up and down the streets all over the city, people could be seen sticking stars or dots on one another.

The pretty ones, those with smooth wood and fine paint, always got stars. But if the wood was rough or the paint chipped, the Wemmicks gave dots. The talented ones got stars too. Some could lift big sticks high above their heads or jump over tall boxes. Still others knew big words or could sing very pretty songs. Everyone gave them stars.

Some Wemmicks had stars all over them! Every time they got a star it made them feel so good that they did something else and got another star. Others, though, could do little. They got dots.

Punchinello was one of these. He tried to jump high like the others, but he always fell. And when he fell, the others would gather around and give him dots.

Sometimes when he fell, it would scar his wood, so the people would give him more dots. He would try to explain why he fell and say something silly, and the Wemmicks would give him more dots. After a while he had so many dots that he didn't want to go outside. He was afraid he would do something dumb such as forget his hat or step in the water, and then people would give him another dot. In fact, he had so many gray dots that some people would come up and give him one without reason. "He deserves lots of dots," the wooden people would agree with one another. "He's not a good wooden person."

After a while Punchinello believed them. "I'm not a good Wemmick," he would say. The few times he went outside, he hung around other Wemmicks who had a lot of dots. He felt better around them.

One day he met a Wemmick who was unlike any he'd ever met. She had no dots or stars. She was just wooden. Her name was Lucia. It wasn't that people didn't try to give her stickers; it's just that the stickers didn't stick. Some admired Lucia for having no dots, so they would run up and give her a star. But it would fall off. Some would look down on her for having no stars, so they would give her a dot. But it wouldn't stay either. 'That's the way I want to be,'thought Punchinello. 'I don't want anyone's marks.' So he asked the stickerless Wemmick how she did it. "It's easy," Lucia replied. "every day I go see Eli."

"Eli?" "Yes, Eli. The woodcarver. I sit in the workshop with him." "Why?" "Why don't you find out for yourself? Go up the hill. He's there."

And with that the Wemmick with no marks turned and skipped away. "But he won't want to see me!" Punchinello cried out. Lucia didn't hear. So Punchinello went home. He sat near a window and watched the wooden people as they scurried around giving each other stars and dots. "It's not right," he muttered to himself. And he resolved to go see Eli. He walked up the narrow path to the top of the hill and stepped into the big shop. His wooden eyes widened at the size of everything. The stool was as tall as he was. He had to stretch on his tiptoes to see the top of the workbench. A hammer was as long as his arm. Punchinello swallowed hard. "I'm not staying here!" and he turned to leave. Then he heard his name.

"Punchinello?" The voice was deep and strong. Punchinello stopped. "Punchinello! How good to see you. Come and let me have a look at you." Punchinello turned slowly and looked at the large bearded craftsman. "You know my name?" the little Wemmick asked.

"Of course I do. I made you." Eli stooped down and picked him up and set him on the bench. "Hmm," the maker spoke thoughtfully as he inspected the gray circles. "Looks like you've been given some bad marks." "I didn't mean to, Eli. I really tried hard." "Oh, you don't have to defend yourself to me, child. I don't care what the other Wemmicks think." "You don't?"

No, and you shouldn't either. Who are they to give stars or dots?
They're Wemmicks just like you. What they think doesn't matter, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special."
Punchinello laughed. "Me, special? Why? I can't walk fast. I can't jump. My paint is peeling. Why do I matter to you?"

Eli looked at Punchinello, put his hands on those small wooden shoulders, and spoke very slowly. "Because you're mine. That's why you matter to me."
Punchinello had never had anyone look at him like this--much less his maker. He didn't know what to say.

"Every day I've been hoping you'd come," Eli explained.
"I came because I met someone who had no marks."
"I know. She told me about you."
"Why don't the stickers stay on her?"
"Because she has decided that what I think is more important than what they think. The stickers only stick if you let them."

"What?"
"The stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust my love, the less you care about the stickers."
"I'm not sure I understand."

"You will, but it will take time. You've got a lot of marks. For now, just come to see me every day and let me remind you how much I care." Eli lifted Punchinello off the bench and set him on the ground. "Remember," Eli said as the Wemmick walked out the door. "You are special because I made you. And I don't make mistakes."

Punchinello didn't stop, but in his heart he thought, "I think he really means it."
And when he did, a dot fell to the ground.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Scj3A1cLVzY

Love at work

2008-08-11T08:24:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend, i had a chance to spend time with my colleagues just resting and being away from everyday's busyness. It was nice having the free time and just doing things that we like or enjoy doing. It was nice being taken care of and not having to worry about what's next on the agenda. It was nice having that break out of routine. It was refreshing.

In that break, i also saw a glimpse of love.

I noticed this guy. Instantly i knew he was different. His father was with him and i tried not to stare. Then i met his mother. She turns out to be the volunteer who live in the home while the caretaker have her Saturday off. From the short conversation with her, i think she's a nice lady. Giving up your weekend to volunteer taking care of a home is sure something nice somebody nice would do.

I asked how old is her son. She said 29. I did not asked much about him then. I think it would have been awkward.

In the afternoon, I saw the father guiding his son at the porch of the house. I don't know what were they doing, prolly having a walk. It was funny tho to see his arm being straight binded. =)

Anyway, night time came. While my collegues and i were busy eating and barbecuing, i saw love at work.

For that brief moment, it was a touching sight to behold. It reminds me of an unconditional love. A love that does not matter what happens or happened.

I saw the father feeding his child of 29 years........just for that brief moment..... i saw love at work.

I try to think what is it like, having to take care of the basic needs of your own child. I know of a four year old who could dressed herself. And of course, the other four year old who could eat his own biscuit. This 29 year old guy, he had to be even prompted and assisted to hold his own cup. So, can you imagine? Caring for the basic need of your child for 29 years? Feeding? Clothing? Toileting? How do they do it?

I'm guessing it is the unconditional love, a love that does not matter what happens or happened, it will always be there to love.

I saw love at work. A father's love to his child.

Alex's Party

2008-06-29T08:27:00.000-07:00

I am blessed! I am so blessed by the joy that a child can give. By the joy of seeing prayers answered. By the joy of seeing dreams coming into fulfillment. I am so blessed by seeing God's will being fulfilled in His own time. I am so blessed.

It is a joy of knowing that you are in His will and calling, and seeing the promises and purposes coming to pass before your very eyes. I am blessed!

This child came to the party today. And I praise God! I am overjoyed! It is really something that I am so happy about that I doubt any of the other teachers could understand. It was heartwarming seeing him blend into the crowd of children. It was heartwarming seeing his peers helping him. It was heartwarming seeing how people reacted to his 'different' funny antics. It was heartwarming just seeing him being whom God has created Him to be.

People who may not know me, I work fulltime with children. They are the only motivation that make me travel 3 crazy hours a day to work, even though I hate being packed up like sardines in the trains. I must say, my rewards really comes from the satisfaction of serving these children and seeing their life being transformed. It is trully amazing to see God in these little ones.

It is coming to two years now. I remember I used to wonder, why God did You created them? Which part of You is in them Lord?

Recently I just realized these verses....

Jesus heals a man born blind.

John 9:2 “Teacher”, his disciples asked Him. “why was this man born blind?” was it a result of his own sins or those of his parents?”

John 9:3 “It was not because of his sins or his parent's sins” Jesus answered “He was born blind so the power of God could be seen in him”

So that the power of God could be seen in him.......

I realized that these people really need God, and that His power really could be seen in them. Really, really, really....... so the power of God could be seen in them...... the power of God in the 'weak'.... it is awesome.

There are a few people whom i am inspired by and really their life do reflect what is written in the scriptures.

1 Corinth 1:27 “Instead, God deliberately chose things the world consider foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose those who are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important, so that no one can boast in the presence of God.”

1 Corinth 1:31 “The person who wishes to boast, should boast only of what the Lord has done. “

Who would have thought that someone who is quadriplegic in a wheelchair, unable to use her hands could be used by God to travel so many parts of the world to share her life stories, to preach and to advocate. Who would have thought that someone born without hands and legs could be used by God to inspire and to motivate school children, touching and changing their lives. Who would have thought that someone who is made disabled by a sickness could be used by God to start social works to serve the poor and needy. Who would have thought?

These 3 life are of real people. Real people whom I am inspired by and sometimes in awe and in wonder of the mysteries of God. God can use anyone, just about anyone who is willing.

I believe the children whom i serve, God can use them. So many times their life have touched and blessed me to see the wonders and goodness of God. I have read and hear of so many testimonies and stories of parents whom if they have an option, they would still choose to have their child with special needs in their life. They can't think of how life could be any better without their special needs child.

I am blessed. I can't think of how my life would have been any better without having to meet and serve these children. Trully i am blessed!

http://www.joniandfriends.org

http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org

http://www.wongkimkong.com

Caged and Bound

2008-04-17T08:28:00.000-07:00

Caged and bound.

Is this how life is going to be? All that he knows?

The headlines of a local Malay Daily caught my eyes today, it brought me to a stop from the morning madness. It has a picture of a boy and the title reads “Sebelas tahun kena kurung” - “Eleven years being caged”.

I looked at it, I felt the urge to shout the importance to create awareness of people with special needs and how much more important it is to help the families involved.

Reading the boy's story, i know things can change for better. It can change for better when people do not fear. It can change for better when people are aware and knowledgeable about it. It can change for better when people take an interest and have the know hows. It can change for better when people can see the hope and potential to the things they can do. It can change for better, i know it can change for better.

Reading story like this, it always brings me back to the visit of a welfare home in a distant small town. I was very very new in this work then, it shocked me to see people in cages. I couldn't believe that such thing exist in Malaysia. There were cluster of people in different confined area with grilled gates, in another room three young men were in their individual 'cells'. It wasn't really big, prolly four feet wide, and six feet long. I remember thinking a rotteweiler or bull mastiffs would fit nicely into the cage. That was when i realized, i forgot the faces i was looking at were human. Human.

Another shelther home that i visited was none the less depressing. Not only did i saw children tied to chairs, but also pillars within its compound. I remember giving a child a hug, he was tied to the pillar upright, eyes bright, hands which held mine tight, beneath the 'look' i knew he craved to be loved. I wished I could do more, I knew there has to be a better way.

You know how sometimes you hear sermons of making a change for better? How sometimes you are challenged to change for better be it in your own life or another person's life? Being the blessing, knowing that what you give can never be returned? Want to make a change? Come be a direct change agent for children with special needs. How much you sow in today not only influence the child for better, but also the parents, siblings, relatives, neighbours, friends, and the whole community. Best of all, it changes you.

Where i work, i realized it is important to encourage, educate, empower and put in the right tools for parents to care for their children with special need. A home is where these children belong to, with their parents. They deserve every right to be loved and cared for by their parents. It always encourages me when i see parents working diligently with their children, and the success stories of how their children are learning and making progress from strength to strength.

Back to the welfare homes, those children were in that conditions because their care-takers did not know how to handle them. They only knew that the children were too dangerous to be let loose, for fear that they might hurt themselve or other people. They may bite, hit, scratch, kick or stranggle. The boy's parent too have the same fears.

Now for a short moment..... just try to imagine...... i open my eyes.... i see the bars..... its right in front of my face again. I try to move, something stoped me at my waist, at my wrist. I look out. I paced around in my confined area. I look out, i shout just so somebody could hear me to give me some response. I try banging the cage, maybe it'll come loose. I gnawed at the clothe at my waist and my wrist, its giving me itches and i hate it turning red. I try screaming maybe somebody will hear me. I paced around again..... i lay down. I look out again, i shout again just so somebody could hear me and give me some response. I try banging the cage again, maybe it'll come loose. I gnawed again at the clothe at my waist and my wrist, its giving me itches again and i hate it turning redder. I try screaming again maybe somebody will hear me.I paced around again and again..... i lay down again. I look out again and again, i shout again and again just so somebody could hear me and give me some response. I try banging the cage again and again, maybe it'll come loose. I gnawed again and again at the clothe at my waist and my wrist, its giving me itches again and again and i hate it turning redder again and again. I try screaming again and again maybe somebody will hear me....... day in, day out, sun rise sun set, day in day out, sun rise, sun set, day in day out, sun rise sun set, day in day out sun rise sun set, day in say out sun rise sun set........364 days, and many more years to come.....i open my eyes.... i see the bars..... its right in front of my face again. I try to move, something stoped me at my waist, at my wrist. I look out. I paced around in my confined area. I look out, i shout just so somebody could hear me to give me some response. I try banging the cage, maybe it'll come loose. I gnawed at the clothe at my waist and my wrist, its giving me itches and i hate it turning red. I try screaming maybe somebody will hear me. I paced around again..... i lay down.

Can you imagine?..... how did it feel like? Wanna break free? I was just trying to imagine what could it been like being in the boy's shoe. What i wrote was just a fiction.

To the boy's story, here's what the dad say “Jika dia keluar rumah, dia akan lari jika lihat kami mahu mendapatkannya”. Now imagine you are the boy. Wouldn't you wanna break free?

I believe there is a better way. I believe when people are educated about special needs, living in cages will be things of the past. Parents play an extremely important role in caring and upbringing of their children with special need. They are however not to be alone in this important task, we the member of society ought to encourage and cheer them on. With the right heart, the right mind set, the right attitude, and the right tools, all things are possible. There is no mountain too high to climb. The climb may be hard and tough, but once you reach the peak and enjoying the scenery, you know all of the challenges were worth every bit.

I believe caged and bound will be changed to free and living to the fullest!

http://www.hmetro.com.my/Thursday/BeritaUtama/20080417092455/Article

http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/4/17/nation/20977266&

The Street

2008-03-20T08:29:00.000-07:00

I was at the bank last night wanting to withdraw some money. There i saw a man, sleeping on the five-foot way, faced down to the floor. Packets of tissue were in front of him, little plastic bag of belongings beside him, prosthetic leg stood at the side, crutches proped to the wall, and packet of rice at the side. I looked at him.....

Have you ever wonder why are there people living in the streets?

When i was younger, once in a while, i would drop some coins or notes into a begger's cup. Be it old, crippled, blind, mother and child and so on.... that was out of sympathy that i did it. Sympathy.

Then came a time, where i had empathy. Trying to think what it'd be like to be in their shoes.

Few years ago i joined some friends to street feeding programme in the city. The people that i saw there were of varied kinds. Some were like my grandma's age, some middle age, and some young ones, prolly around my age. They would come every saturday for the free food given out, medical care and the fellowship. As i helped to hand out the food, i remember feeling sad. I was sad at the young people that i saw. I was thinking what in the world were the young people living in street?! Don't they feel ashamed that i had to hand out food to them?! They have hands and feets which could work!

Few years ago, the media started covering stories on 'beggers' living in the streets. One reporter even went undercover, pretended to be a begger. If i remembered correctly, he collected quite a sum of money from begging generous Malaysians. Then there were stories where they were controlled by syndicates who forced them into begging. There were also real stories where these people are drug addicts.

Few years ago, i would have easily sympathize and empathize. Yesterday, i was angry.....i was angry seeing a man sleeping in the streets of Subang!

While withdrawing money, i was thinking and asking God what should i do. I could have harden my heart and think that that guy sleeping in the street prolly earned more than me milking money out of generous Malaysians. I got into the car, still asking God if i should do anything. I really wanted to have driven home.

Jesus said when you do unto the least of these, you are doing unto me. Sometimes its hard to wrestle with convictions so i made a turn back to the man.

I went to him. He was asleep, i had to wake him up. He jumped and sat up straight when i said i wanted to buy tissue. I asked him why was he sleeping in the street. I asked him to go home. I asked him if he has eaten. I asked him to go home. I asked him to get help from welfare department. I asked him to go home. I asked him not to sleep on the five-foot way. I asked him to go home.

He told me he hasn't been home in 10 years. Used to stay in Sunway, brother kicked him out of house. Have been living in the street for 10 years. People shoos him away and scolds him. He has eaten dinner. He hasn't been home for 10 years.

Throughout that few minutes, i dunno what went through his head. I told him i've seen him before few years ealier sleeping on the street. Never had the guts then to confront, yesterday i was just angry to see him still sleeping in the street. I told him to go home. I told him to go home. I just told him to go home. Sigh! He had alcohol breathe.

I find it really ironic, Subang a highly developed residential and commercial area, also an education hub. People here are mostly educated, living in the middle income bracket. And yet, there are still people living in the street!

When he realized that i wasn't sympathizing with his sob story, and that i was serious about him going back home, he wanted to give me change for the purchase of the tissue paper. I told him to go home.

As i was driving home, i was just thinking and asking what would Jesus do?

Adulthood

2008-03-07T08:31:00.000-08:00

When do you start to realize that you are an adult? A grown up?

Late last year i was reminising my school days a lot. I miss those carefree Convent days a lot. I had pangs of nostalgia, i had wanted to live in those moments again. The days of going to tuitions with friends, staying back at school, doing different projects, having different parties and going for inter school events. Those days were fun! We'd chatted, giggled, poked fun, talked about future, checking out guys. Sometimes we fought, cried, get petty.... i miss those days!

You know how when you are in school, some adults will tell you that it is the best day of your life? I had one uncle telling me that, even the Lat's comic says so! But when you are at school, you'd think they must be joking when they say “student days” are the best. Who would ever says being a student, having exams and test and homeworks are the best days of their life? I thought it was a joke at that time. These grown ups don't know what they are talking about.

Anyway, coming to the present time... next year will be the 10^th year i've graduated from high school. I never really realized i'll come to this day, coming to reflect the milestone of it.

Journey out of high school was not easy, in fact it was really challeging. Lots of things changed. I'm no longer in Muar, my friends are all scattered living and pursuing their own lifes. College days, tho i had good times with my college buddies, movies and hanging out, there were also culture shocks and depressing moments. But even then, those were the days when i found JESUS, my GOD. (made me wished i'd known HIM earlier)

After four years of higher education, its off to the working world. The real world..... this is life itself.... wat you choose it to be.

Trying to calculate, i think i've prolly worked four years? And its only FOUR years!!! Imagine the many more ahead.... gosh! Its daunting! It's gonna be the rest of my life till i retire at 70 maybe? =)

Anyway, what i wanna say is, its true. Its true what they said. “Student days” are the best days of life. I find that so very true, very very true. I am even starting to tell my student friends. Being an aunty now... -_-” working friends, i don't think i need to elaborate.

So, when did i realized i'm a grown up? =) it dawned unto me when i could just go ahead with last minute planned road trips. Having the independence, knowing i'm capable to making the right decisions in life, knowing that i am acocuntable, knowing that i could be trusted, knowing that i could take care of myself. It suddenly made me realize i don't need my mommy to do what i need to do. You know?

So yeah, being a 25 year old now, i've finally come to accept that i am an adult. Its not too early, its not too late. =D

Knowing

2008-02-02T08:31:00.000-08:00

You can hammer both your feet to the cross, you can hammer your left hand to the cross..... who hammer your remaining hand to the cross?

As i grow older in age, i learn more about myself and the different people around me. Have you ever noticed how people are sometimes so different from you? Gosh!..... I hate it when people tell me that not everyone is like me.....(trust me, I do. I have far too many people telling me that.) Kinda thank God also that not everyone is like me, imagine, the thousands of Jecys around, and the Raysons scream! heheheh.... making people do work, getting things in order, efficiency is the rule, claw up some people, save the children, go rock climbing! Actually..... it wouldn't be such a bad idea after all..... ;)

Anyway, i've been wondering, do people learn about themselve more than they try to make people to be like them? You know how sometimes you wish some people would change, and yet each time you try to make them change, it's still the same? Kinda frustrating.....

Only in the past year i began to discover and realize the different personalities that exist. Not that i never noticed before, but it just didn't dawned unto me till then, that it is important to realize the different personalities that exist and respect it. You better do! So you'll stop wondering why you keep knocking into walls.

Drawing to my colourful working life, out of comfort of things familiar to me, I began noticing the different personalities. There opened my life to another world, a world of learning human behaviour and respecting it. From there, I learn about the people around me. The people that I know, the people that I spend time with, the people that I hang out with, the people that I chat with....they are all different from me one way or another. Its kinda interesting when you take time and think about it. God makes us all unique, and yet each one us are made in His image.

Yesterday I took a personality test in Facebook. Here's what it says about my personality.......

“The determined realist likes to bear responsibility and welcomes challenges. She is a stable, reliable person. External contacts are very important to her; she mixes well and is very active. She is an excellent organiser and is very happy when things are done correctly and punctually; she can quickly react impatiently if others are not as conscientious, orderly and dutiful as she is. She prefers structured work which produces visible results quickly to abstract, long-drawn-out processes. She has no problem with routine as long as it serves efficiency. However, she very much dislikes unexpected and unpredictable occurrences which mess up her careful plans. Once she has committed herself to a cause she does this with dedication and is willing to make considerable sacrifices for it.

The determined realist does not avoid conflicts and criticism but faces up to them and looks for solutions. As she has a keen eye for the errors and shortcomings of others and is often quick at expressing criticism, she sometimes rubs people up the wrong way especially when she loses her temper and jumps to conclusions. Due to her marked sense of justice she is quickly willing to correct herself and never takes offence if someone speaks to her frankly. You do not have to seek hidden motives with her; you always know where you are. The determined realist is often found in executive positions as she combines commitment, competence and the ability to assert herself. In her spare time, she often also accepts responsibility in clubs and other institutions.

Traditions rate highly with the determined realist. She attends every family event and never forgets a birthday or wedding anniversary. Family and friends are very important to her. With her open, communicative manner, she finds it easy to get to know people and has a large circle of friends and acquaintances. She is never superficial, but a reliable and loyal friend who is always there when she is needed. The determined realist takes her relationships very seriously - she dreams of finding a partner for life. In a relationship, she seeks above all stability and loyalty and here, too, she is willing to invest a lot in a harmonious togetherness. She masters crises or difficult phases with composure; she would never think of breaking a promise given. As a partner, one can always rely on her support “

I find it almost 90% true of what I read about my personality. I tested it out with some people i know and i began to see why i just somehow couldn't reach certain people.... my guess is that we're just different. Positives and positives ends of magnets just won't stick. That kinda gave me conclusion to some things.

Anyways, yay! =) so yea, anybody out there reading this page, please realize that i am different from you. Please have some grace on me, when i seem to be difficult or hard sometimes. =D Slackers be warned!

Trying to conclude this entry, what does my personality have to do with the cross beginning?

Well.... i found out dying to self is easy for me sometimes. I mean, I'll just have work at giving up on certain things in life. I'll just have to deal with my own being and may God's grace help me. Hammering the last hand onto the cross.... it is not you who hammer your own hand. You pass it on to someone else to do the last work. Make sense?

Such joy

2008-01-17T08:31:00.000-08:00

I never knew they could bring me such joy.

They are back in the centre after a month long holiday break. Almost all of them settled back into routine rather well. It is so good having them around again. I found out that if it wasn't for them, i wouldn't have travel such a distance, not even for any money paying job.

Having been with them about a year and half now, i've grown accustom to their behaviours and known them for who they are. They are a funny bunch of kids, and i love them for that! At the end of each day, i'll have a smile of contentment that they made my day. Reflecting on the funny moments at the centre, of how the child reacted or behaved, their antics and 'silliness', their cuteness and funniness, hehehe... their “it is so them” moments.

I especially love the schooling kids. They are the older group ranging from 7 to 11 years. Each of the children have their own unique personality. Remember how i was almost traumatised my the two 'screamin-at-the-top-of-their-lungs' tantrum throwing kids at my first week of work? They have the most powerful high pitched scream which could raise any dead person.... Lazarus.....or at least my bulu roma.

Anyway, those two are just funny once you know why they behave such a way. You could almost predict and see certain things coming from them, given a set of conditions. Not that i'm already expert of them, but i've come to know their personalities. Just last tues i had to put up with a boy whining pitch high at my ears. He just refused to get his work done and kept trying to get off task. Would you believe in the 45 minutes of study time, i've only managed to get him write his name. And that's all?!! He's quite smart in a sense trying to manipulate the adults with his threats of deafening cries thinking we would give in to his whimps and fancies. Even got into self injuring behaviour, of which i had two stinging tight slaps from, on my hand. Ouch! Tough battle, but lets see who will win. We've got our ear plugs ready~! Hehehe.....

And today, i was trying not to laugh as a girl unwillingly does her couting activities. I dunno why, but she suddenly burst out crying when she saw the counting worksheet. Prolly she 'misses' them, coz she hasn't been doing the worksheet in a long time or she was just complaining while crying 'why in the world am i doing this again?' It was a funny sight looking at her, coz she doesn't know how to verbally complain that she don't wanna do it, but she had to cry it out with tears and all. A friend of hers was so cute, he got a tissue box to her table and tell her 'no crying'. I never knew he could be so sensitive and so aware of his social cues.

I love the fact that i now know the children better and that i'm more confident in handling them. I remember how i used to be scared and not knowing what to do. But yea, they turn out to be children after all. They could be cheeky, naughty, rebellious, loving, innocent, blur, fun and all.

I like to see how the children progress on their academic development, from not knowing how to write their name to writing new words now. From not knowing how to handle scissors to doing cutting and paste activities. From counting to doing addition. It gives me a sense of satisfaction. =)

I also like the behaviour management. From making whinny irritating sound to knowing how to say “i want rest”. From being a whirlwind of tornado as soon as he steps into the centre to a boy who could sit down and read and greets you “hi” as soon as he steps into the centre. From a shy 'hide-my-face-in-the-pillow' to telling me about her Sabah holiday. It is a joy of knowing you are at the right place. =)

I would love to be a friend to these children. Playing and join in their little games. But i also have to remember that i am a teacher, to be the role model, to teach the right stuffs and to be of sound mind!

Many people, when i tell them what i do, they think i must have lots of patience and love. Well, i guess having those help, and i think i do have what it takes. But what i always tell them is, “Having a good sense of humour helps a lot. You must know how to laugh”.

Learning how to laugh has help me cope with my work. Many times i tell people if i don't laugh, i would have quit long time ago! (Joking! That's not the deciding factor, God leads me.) Anyway, it's good to laugh things off, even when the kids drives you up the wall or when you just feel like flushing him down the toilet, or mince him into the blender and make 'char-siew pau' or tie him to the ceiling fan and sping him round and round. Sadistic? Yea, very!

See, why i say you have to have a good sense of humour? If you don't you might just really wanna commit those acts that i mentioned. Last year i had such horrid thoughts in my head, that i couldn't believe i could have thought those thoughts. It was then i realised how real child abuse could happen to these children. They really do test your patience, some purposefully, some just being who they are.

Patience, love and all are my part to work on. What these children are rubbing into me, hopefully make me better person. I think they rub on more to me than i on them. I realized after a while of working with them my communications skills had gone down the drain. Sentence structure and intelligent talk are out of the window. For a moment i just talking in two or three words sentence. Anyways, people who do come and talk to me, please have something intelligent to talk about. Current affairs, general knowledge, bible......

Many of times i use to wonder and still wonder why such children exist. I ask God “So which part of You are in them Lord?” for He made all of us in His own image. I wonder..... i dunno which part of Him are in them. Humour maybe? 'coz i find them funny. =) i don't have the answer, but i have the faith that i'll see them in heaven. I guess these are God's special children. He knew them before they were even form in their mother's womb, He knows each one by name and the number of hairs on their head. God made them, he made them special just like you and me.

My Wish

2007-11-01T08:32:00.000-07:00

My Wish – Rascal Flatts

I hope that days come easy and moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you
And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile

More then anything, more then anything
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it
To your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small
You never need to carry more then you can hold
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too
Yeah, this, is my wish

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget
All the ones who love you, in the place you left
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake
And you always give more then you take

Oh More then anything, Yeah, and more then anything
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it
To your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small
You never need to carry more then you can hold
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too
Yeah, this, is my wish

It's Been A Year

2007-08-22T08:33:00.000-07:00

Today I had the privilege of observing and working with a group of young adults with learning disabilities. I must say it was a good experience and it helped me look further ahead in my work….

A year back someone dear to me asked what is your success. What do you see in your future? Have you thought about your future? Don’t you want to own a house? Car? What about your children’s education? Have you ever thought of it? And so on and on the questions played like a broken record.

It’s been a year! Praise God I made it passed the year! In the beginning it was very hard. Just the traveling would kill me; often I’ll be dead tired when I step back home. At times I would also oversleep. Then worst of worst are the things that happen during traveling. I’ve endured the consistently late trains; jam packed platform, sardine trains, flooded stations and even almost fire on carriage. My life is just so happening…… ;) I used to get so depressed when things like that happen. Even the haze could get me down. And I get continuous bouts of coughs and mucouses from the children. Yea, that’s when I thought everything was against me, and maybe I made a mistake for being so stubborn for the things I believe God had led me to do. Maybe I was wrong, or maybe I did not hear right.

Anyway, a friend brought a revelation that kinda set me free from these thoughts. Thank God for good friends! What he said made sense. It’s not the first time trains have problems, it has always been like that, even if I don’t commute in them. The haze has been going on every year!! What makes me so special to think the haze got to be sent to stop me from doing whatever I’m doing? Yea…. Made sense….. =) and, I just need to take care of my health la.

Praise God that He is gracious, He had sustained me, praise God for His strength.

The children.

This month, the centre celebrated its 10^th anniversary. I am glad to be part of it. The children had opportunity to perform on stage, after spending months in practicing. It was fun doing the whole thing with them. I must say, without the hard work put in, don’t expect sweet results. But then again, it also depends on what the child might be up to on that day. It’s really kinda exciting and helps keep people on their toes. Ahh… challenges that keeps your mind working on its feet. Praise God for such wisdom that He gives.

Over the year, I’ve grown fond to the children. I even have a few favorites. No, I don’t show partiality. I’ve got this child who calls me by my name, omitting the word “teacher”, like as if calling a friend. Yea, seriously like as if an old buddy would call me. Hehehe… it wasn’t easy when I first taught him, he challenged my authority, but I guess over time, I’ve proven myself and earned the respect from him. Maybe I’m his favorite teacher too.

This is a story of another boy. When I met him last year, he is a vision of a whirlwind of storm packed into a body of 3 year old. The moment he enters the centre, all fury of a ferocious tornado spun around the centre, till the moment he leaves. Creating havoc, drowning all senses, lasting prolly for an hour half. Okay, maybe I’m making it look dramatic, but it really did felt that way. The teachers would have to put up a fight just to get him to sit down; I think I got my hair pulled too! hahaha…. Those were the days of wrestling with the child; besides having to bear with his endless whining and annoying cries.

Today when I look at him, I couldn’t believe in the vast improvement that he has made. I am just so impressed that he is communicating, reading, and his nonsense behaviours had been tamed. He’s got this cheeky face, and twinkle in his eyes; I see so much potential in him to learn many more things. From thinking “why am I assigned to teach him again?”, I now look forward to teaching him. It’s fun!

It’s just so wonderful seeing the progress of the children, knowing that they have learnt and achieve milestones. I was ecstatic when my girl actually knew how to write her own name and could cut proper circle out on paper. I was touched when I hear a boy now starting to speak, from not being vocal for the past 6 years. I am impressed to see a 4 year old girl walking compared to when she first came in last year, she was crawling on all fours. Achievements like these make me proud of what I do. It ain’t little, it’s significant.

Being at the work base today, it helped me see further into the future. It reminds me that the children won’t be children forever, they too will grow up. I look at what the young adults were doing; I couldn’t help believe that they were also little children. I wonder what kinda challenges they gave their teachers. I wonder if they threw tamper tantrums like what some of my kids are doing. I wonder if they had behaviour problem, which sometime makes me feel like hanging the kids upside down. I wonder if my children would grow up to be like the fine young adults I saw today…….

As I observe them today, I just felt so privilege to be there. I don’t think I can meet and socialize with them in the society; they’ll probably be one of the oddballs that people avoid. Besides, how would you react when you see one in the sea of strangers? You prolly wouldn’t care less, who talks to strangers anyway. So yea, it’s a privilege for me to meet them. Like the children, I am impressed with the capabilities the young adults shown. My children will learn those skills. Ordering their own meal, paying, responsible for their own work, time management, clearing and cleaning, and even exercising leadership qualities. I especially love what I saw, peer supervision. A peer guiding another who is slower, it’s just an awesome sight to me. It made me forget they had learning difficulties.

Last year, I had a chance to visit a few centre and homes. I got to see the best of best and also the ugly side of the work. In the best of the ones I saw, the centre had sheltered production workshop, packaging socks, quilting, simulated housekeeping, and even nursery. In the worst that I saw…… it was heartbreaking. People were tied to pillars, chair, and some caged…. The caged ones broke my heart; I couldn’t believe seeing such thing. It’s so easy to forget that they were human made in the image of God. The reason for these bondages is that they were deemed violent; therefore that’s the best solution to the problem. Sigh!

From the exposure trip, I see even more important awareness and education are needed for the parents and even the public. Many of times, it seems like a doom sentence to have a child with special needs. From what I see among the parents that I work with, I see the love and hard work that they put in, I truly admire their strength. I know of this petite mom whom all three children have learning disabilities. I salute her courage and strength.

Know what? It’s not all gloomy to have a special need child, though I may not be in the right position to say this. But from the many stories that I’ve read and lives that I’ve seen, parent couldn’t imagine their life without that special child. Their own special child has enriched them even more than they could imagine. I must say, it’s not only the child that is special; it’s the parent’s love and dedication that makes all the difference.

Doing what I’m doing today, I can say my life have been enriched by this group of people. In the short one year, I’ve learnt so much and experience so much. And I am no longer afraid of crying babies! hehehe….

So what’s my success?......Like what I’ve told the dear person, my success is not in owning the big bungalow or driving a big car. I may not even earn the millions or wear the branded clothes. My success is knowing that the child has learnt and the parents being thankful that somebody cared to teach.

My success? I know I had not wasted my time.

Update on Elie

2007-07-07T08:35:00.000-07:00

I recently received an updated report from World VisionLebanon.Elie is doing well, he’s healthy and good. Praise God! Praise God that he’s safe and still alive!

Elie is my ‘son’ whom I helped sponsored through World Vision. In my previous post titled “Spare a Fifty” I’ve talked about him. He still has those big brown captivating eyes. =) anyway, I’m just glad that he’s still alive and well.

In the previous post I wrote about the war that happened last year. It really is stupid….. This year, not too long ago, I think it happened again. When I saw the paper, I didn’t want to read about it, I didn’t want to know about it. Let’s just say I was sick and tired of hearing mindless war and killing. And yea, I did pray for Elie and his family and his friends.

Earlier this year, I visited the “War Crimes” exhibition in KL. I went ‘coz I was curious about it. Hmmm…. What I saw do make me think a lot about us as humans.

What kind of a human can stoop so low to kill another of its own image? Hmm…. Do animals do that?... maybe….

I saw a lot of things exhibited there, the pictures, the dummies, the statistics, and the stories. I don’t know how to describe it. Erm…. I was….. Yea, I was thinking how it could even happen. But it did happen in history.

I can vividly remember this picture. It has a face with eyes, nose and mouth, but an expression of bewilderment shock written all over. Upon looking closer, it was the shell of a former human being. His head had been blown out from being shot at point blank, brains not there either; just the shell of his head. Yea, the picture stuck to me. So this is how a blown up guy looks like…… it was sick!

Then I visited the torture chambers, which was already well publicized in the papers and internet few years ago. I know not to condemn but pray for those sick people who did the torture. Why should such people be prayed for right?!

Then I saw the pictures of severely deformed newborns. They don’t even look like babies. Imagine how the mother felt? The whole generation was affected, just when they thought it was safe to eat and drink.

I guess most people are already numbed by the many wars and killings that have been going on. Me too, it didn’t bother me till I know someone who was affected by it.

I am just thinking. Human are such fallen nature. The only creation that was made in the image of God yet could also do such evil. Actually…. I shouldn’t be so surprised and upset, the bible recorded lots of bloodshed too. Even God Himself was killed by men. Can you imagine it? God? Whipped? Pierced? Taunted? Humiliated? Spited upon? Hit? Where got such thing?!

But there was such thing… Jesus was whipped, pierced, taunted, humiliated, spited upon, hit and so on. But how could such thing happen?

I don’t know who reads this post. Maybe you are a non Christian. Jesus’ death and resurrection is the basic foundation to a Christian’s belief. We believe that He is the Son of God and God Himself who had come to be among His creation because He loves us so. And it is His desires that none shall perish but all enter into eternal life with Him in His Kingdom.

So, how do you enter into His Kingdom? Hmm…. How a? Maybe do some little good deed. Maybe offer blood sacrifices. Maybe do some burnt offerings. Maybe give money to the poor, widow and orphaned. Maybe just not do anything and believe you’ll get to heaven anyway. =) (or maybe you don’t believe there is a God, no heaven, no hell…. Hahahaha… new-age…..)

Here’s the good news. None of the above is required. Only faith and believe that Jesus came to die for your sins and He rose again. Confess that He’s the only way to God, and ask Him to enter into your life. That’s all it takes. And if you want to know more, you should get yourself a bible. =)

Anyway, I am glad that I’ve got Jesus in my life. About praying for those who did evil here’s what He has got to say.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. God did not send His Son into the world to condemn it, but to save it.” John 3:16-17

He wasn’t here to condemn but to save people from their own sins, and the penalty of sin is death. Eternity without God….. You really should get yourself a bible.

Back to my topic, killing will go on; I don’t think it’ll ever stop. I strongly disagree human taking away another human’s life, only God has the right to do that.

Anyway, Elie changed his mind. He now wants to be a journalist. I think I figured out why…….

ps:- I need to write to him soon!

..........

2007-06-10T08:37:00.000-07:00

She could have easily lost it, the things that she treasured most, to dwell in the house of her Lord, to do the things that were placed in her path for her to do, to answer her call.

Reflecting… she found herself cornered. It was very strange; she suddenly understood the meaning of no where else to turn to but God. The image of a wide eyed cartoon cat with wet fur, sticking out of the body came to mind, back up to the corner of the wall. It looked funny, but she knew the meaning of it, she had no where else to turn to but God. She had to look up.

Through the many months of things that happened, the good and awesome and the not so good and not so awesome, she wants to do some stock check. She wants to know that she is going on the right path. She finally takes her time and reflect…… she asks, is she in she in her calling.

In the earlier months, she struggled and she struggled a lot. She thought God had abandoned her… which were silly thoughts but very true at the moment of time. Worst was thinking that she made a mistake and God was being really silent on her. All she could hear and see were the curses and not so flowery scenes.

But as she reflects…. She thank God for the grace and perseverance that somehow carried her through. Somehow she was determined to pull through and not let her God’s name be put to shame. If He had called her to do the work, surely He will have to be there for her. He had called her, so He had to better really be there for her. And so she pressed on; determined not to let anything pull her down, but to look unto God.

It is so easy to say and write about it, but when it hits you, it’s really when your faith is tested. So, what are you going to do when you experience the direct hits and hurdles? When things don’t go the way you expected it to go. When you are stretched, twisted, pulled, molded and still believing that it is for the good. When you can only look and ask why must you go through these. Seriously….what are you going to do?

Cry? Complain? Pity me? Reflecting on it, she smiles and laugh of the different struggles she went through. She did cried, she did complained, she did wallow in self pity, she did thought of “why bother, just give up”. Hahah… hard times…. She smiles ‘coz she knows she had overcome. She smiles ‘coz she know God had sustained her. She smiles ‘coz she knew of people who would encourage her.

Does she think that she has really overcome all hits and hurdles? No way! More is yet to come! Does she looks forward to it?.... No she doesn’t…. pain is a nuisance that she would rather not face. But yea, she would go through tough times willingly ‘coz she knows that’s where she needs God most and that’s where He receives all glory. So, bring it on!

Anyway, she wants to take stock. So, time has passed, things have learnt. Dreams are dreamt, visions are seen, desires have grown, and passion had spread, she stops and see… if this was what she was called to do?

Still on a journey of discovery, maybe this was what she is called to do. She prays that God would keep her heart humble and open to His calling. She prays for a learning heart, and not thinking that she has arrived. Hahaha…. But has just beginning to run the race, the course that was set for her…. Maybe this is her journey and her calling; maybe this is what was set out for her to do. Maybe….

She wonders….. many years from now on….. would she be found faithful, would she still be on track, where would she arrived to…..she wonders…..

She prays and keeps this in her heart…. The one thing she asks and desires most, is that she may dwell in the house of her Lord, all of her days.

Her Walk

2007-05-13T08:39:00.000-07:00

She looks up from her book

She welcomes the sight of the lake

She smiles…. Knowing she has arrived

She had always looked forward to the sight

Bidding farewell to it every morning

She takes her walk

Getting her usual pancake

She says thank you and smiled

She loves the peanut and sugar and the crunch

She walks….

She walks, while enjoying the munch

Yum…..

She walks….

Reflecting her day

The children’s antics amuses her,

She laughs in her heart, she smiles

Reflecting her life

She asks for God’s grace and trust

She spends lots of time thinking,

The walk is seldom empty,

But lots of thoughts, and conversations

Lots of ponderings, and doubts

Lots of petitioning, and remembering

The crossroad is in sight,

She strains to see what colour it was,

And she starts calculating her steps,

Maybe she should keep her pace; then it’ll be the right time to cross

Maybe she should quicken the steps; just in case she was too late

Maybe she should slow down; ‘coz it was gonnna stop anyway

Maybe she should just talk her walk;

Enjoy the sky

It doesn’t matter what colour it shows, she always crosses over it anyway.

She should just take her walk…..

She walks….

She enjoys the leaves above her

The shadow dances on the street.

She looks forward to the turn

Smiling she’d soon be there

She walks…..

The familiar surrounding comes into sight,

Her heart starts to sing,

Of songs that would praise her Lord,

Of songs that she was feeling,

Of songs that was from her heart

She walks…..

She looks up to the sky,

She marvels at its vastness

And she thought to herself….

When was the last time she marveled at the blue sky?

It is so wide,

It seems infinite with no end; so big, so high, so in awe

The sun caught her eyes, the clouds spread like water paint

She marvels at the beauty….

She takes in the surrounding; enjoys the moment of admiring HIS work.

A final turn…

Her walk is nearing,

A few more steps…

She breathes the sigh of relief

She croons ‘Hi honey! How are you!’

He jumps around, greeting her happily

She smiles, pat his head, sometimes a hug…..
She is home.

Spare a Fifty?

2007-02-17T08:39:00.000-08:00

Fifty ringgit. How much is it worth to you?

Sometimes when I find out how much people spend on certain stuffs; clothes, shoes, toys, accessories, which really without it, their life would still carry on…. I feel like strangling their wallet. I feel like telling them, spare a thought for something better, spare your fifty to change for better a someone else’s life….. Nope, I have never really done that. People have their right to do whatever they want with their money. Go ahead and spend it.

My fifty… there is this precious little fifty which I set aside and know where it goes every month. This precious little fifty, which I makes sure it is delivered. This precious little fifty which sometimes gets me into trouble. This precious little fifty which I know and hope that is still alive, am making a change for better in another person’s life. This precious little fifty which I hold dear to my heart.

Fifty ringgit… what can you buy? Ask any young people, it’ll prolly be spent off in three days, or maybe two? I don’t need to elaborate.

Two years back, I came across and advert on reader’s digest. I think it was a story about a child inThailand, living in poverty. Can’t remember much, but that story touched me and I decided to respond. I really couldn’t believe that fifty ringgit was all it took to make a change for better in another person’s life. Fifty ringgit was all it took…. Of course I have a fifty to spare!!!

Two years on… I still have my fifty to spare, and a story to tell.

Ever heard about the war atLebanon last year? To people it’s prolly just another war. It’s nothing new; people have always been in and out of war. But when I read about the war, it was hard to believe it was happening. For a brief moment, I knew what it was like fearing that somebody I know would die anytime. The bullets or rockets could get to him. Anytime he would be killed, it’s vulnerable out there. The worst feeling is not knowing if he was still alive. It’s hard to describe it. You know you hate what was happening, and yet nothing you could do to stop it. You see it happening right before you, yet all you can do is to watch it with fear and agony. It’s just helplessness. You feel like crying, but it seems foolish and strange. Something which people most likely won’t understand. Prayer is the only hope that you cling on to.

The war did end, after 34 days. Infrastructures were destroyed, the ports, the roads, the bridges. Lives were killed, people lost their homes, belongings, friends and family members. Those who survived suffered from fear, hunger, diseases, lack of water, medicines. People living in the shadows of what had happened.

How would you feel…. You spent many years building up a community. A poor one that is. You train them in agriculture, they develop the land, and if the cycle keeps going, they may slowly gain financial independence. You provide health services, vaccinations, clinics. You provide clean water for drinking, cooking, bathing, watering livestock and fields. You provide education for the children, knowing that it is important they remained in school. Imagine, the community grows and develop; it is slowly starting to take shape to be a long-lasting self sustaining improvement. And then… all of a sudden…. its gone. You don’t know what hit you….. exactly, you don’t know what hit you.

I felt it was stupid, utterly rubbish and nonsense. All the hard work and effort, just gone like that. What nonsense?! Yea… what nonsense….. and it really did happened.

Elie turns 13 this April. His eyes never fail to attract my attention. It’s big, round and black. He loves what most boys like to do, basketball, football, fishing. The last time I got his letter, Nov 2006, he still wants to be a judge. =) two years back, and two years on, he still has the same ambition. That makes me proud in some way. How many at age 24 can boast that their ‘son’ wants to be a judge when he grows up? I can!! =)

Elie is fromLebanon. He is a child whom I’ve been faithfully sparing a fifty every month. That fifty though of little value here, it means a lot to me and I know that it has given him a better future. That fifty does not go into his pocket, but it goes into developing his community. Providing education, clean water, efficient health care, developing the economic and agriculture. That sponsorship helped in building crucial cornerstones that allow the community to rise above poverty and children to pursue their dream. Elie could be the judge that he dreams to be.

After all that have passed, I still hope and pray that he is alright.

Fifty ringgit? You think you are doing a good thing in changing somebody’s life for better. You don’t know how much more it changes yours.

(Elie is under the child sponsorship programme of World VisionLebanon)

It's Not About You

2006-12-15T08:41:00.000-08:00

It’s not about you.

Have you ever wondered what does it take to serve? I mean meeting the needs of others. I am not saying serving because you are asked to do or because it is an obligation. But really serving, serve to meet the needs of others, without anything in return….. Have you ever thought of it?

I do think a lot about it… Why do some people do what they do, especially those working in a caring ministry. Caring for people is definitely not easy, and I’m not talking about nurses, though I respect them a lot. I’m talking about a group of people who chose to care for the society’s rejects and outcast. What made them do what they do?

It’s not about you.

Working in a Christian NGO, it is not easy for me. And I’m not talking about the work. I’m talking about the things that was ‘’given up’’, the things the world could offer if I were to work for big time companies. The thought do play in my mind once in a while. Especially about the money I could be earning, the things I could buy, the holidays that I could go for, the investments and savings I could do, the word would be financial freedom. But is it true? Financial freedom?

Many times I did asked why I chose what I’m doing right now. To many, it seems foolish and silly, to give up your degree, work hard in another field and yet paid peanuts. But honestly, if you ask do I think it’s silly and foolish?.... I doubt…. God takes the foolish things of the world to bring down the wise. I must admit that it’s tough and not easy, but I also acknowledge that my life is in God’s hand, He knows my needs and challenges, and truly only by His grace I can sustain. I’ve seen Him seeing me through my ups and downs. It doesn’t mean it’s nice and rosy all the time, in realistic, when the down times comes, it hits really hard. That’s when your faith is tested.

Many times, especially during the down times, I did asked; what about me? Why should I care for others? Why should I dig into my pocket to feed other people’s stomach when I don’t have enough myself? Why should I offer my time to people when I have no time for myself? Why should I give when I can’t even buy what I want? I can go on and on asking about thing that satisfies my “needs” and wants. Why should I care for others?

Deep down inside I do wonder, do people ever care for others? In others, I don’t mean people you know, but of people the society misses out on. The dirty ol’ begger. The mother and child begging at street. The children in homes. The learning disabled adult wandering in street. The schizophrenic screaming and shouting at passerby. Sometimes I wish I don’t see what I see; I don’t know what I know. The needs just seem overwhelming and I feel helpless. Can’t I just be ignorant to it? Who cares?

Yes, you can care to give money to the begger for today. But for how long? How much can you give? Yes, you can care to visit the children in homes at special occasions. But for how long? How much can you commit to the love they need? Yes, you can care to offer some pity or maybe disgusted look at the learning disabled adult. But have you ever wondered what its like to be in their shoes? They did not choose to be born that way, God made them special. The people trapped in their own thoughts and thinking, I could only offer prayers. Many times, looking at the needs of these people… I stopped asking, “What about my needs?” I could only praise God and give thanks that I can do what I am today.

Jesus, who is my God, the King of all kings and the Lord of all lords, made Himself nothing, laid aside His mighty power and glory and took the humble position of a servant to serve the needs of the people. My Jesus served….. He cared for the poor and needy, healed many that were sick, blind, crippled, tormented, and touched those whom society shunned. My Jesus served, and people praised God for His serving.

It’s not about you.

Serving is not about you. Is not about how well you could serve others, meeting their needs, thinking that you really tried your best and wanting the person to be blessed by what you did. Serving is not about you.

I had the privilege of looking at the faces of people whose life has changed because of the Christian NGO’s service unto them. Their faces taught me something about serving. It’s not about me. It’s about the people whom I served…. and who they will be praising because I served them. Jesus. =)

My Kids

2006-09-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

"Hi! Wat's your name?" i asked the little gal who was sitting on her mother's lap. she's got this beautiful flawless skin, and typical chinese gal hair with straight short fringe. she looked every bit a normal gal would look like. "Aaagghh, aaaghhh, aaaghhh", was the answer i got before she turned, burying her face into her mom's chest, avoiding my eye contact. i was erm.... speechless for a
moment.

hehehe.... that was my first encounter with an autistic child a year ago. and it gave me a lasting impression.

it's been a month since i started my new job, i am now working with children with learning disability. it's amazing! i'm learning new stuffs everyday, and the children are simply adorable, and i think they are a bunch of funny ppl. yup funny!

during the first week of my job, i was getting used to the idea of working with children. never in my entire 23 years of age have i even given a tot of working with children. me?! teaching kids?! no way!! never!!! if, you would have told me in my schooling days that i may one day do this job, i'll say it's something that my best fren does, not me! wat more, teaching children with learning disability?! O_o"

back to my first encounter with the austistic child a year ago..... i visited the school she attended, which caters to children like her. hmmm..... all i could remember was, not knowing what to do and just stand and gapped at them. i must say i admired the teacher's passion, dedication and love for the children. it takes a certain heart and compassion to do this kind of work, and definately lots of patience, and a great sense of humour!

okay now, back to my first week of work, i was introduced to the school age program kids. these kids comes for 2 1/2 hour class, twice a week, and does scheduled activities with us. OM is a tall lanky gal 8 year old gal, who is very sweet. she likesto offer teachers her biscuit during snack time. then there's HS who's always needing assurance and confirmation from the teacher. she'll stare until she get's your eye contact, and approve that she's doing the right job. oh, she's got an adorable dimpled smile. SK is a funny sweet boy who lacks attention span. it'll be a great success to get him focused for about 10 seconds! oh, and there's this little adorable DR, who's sooo cute, he waddles side to side when he walks. beautiful KW always comes to class feeling sleepy, whose head is too heavy to lift up, and oh her voice barely heard! and there's SY who's always reminding her frens "no touching frens!". we've also got smart bossy NB who likes to take lead, and directing ppl around. JW is a handsome young boy who's in the world of his own, asking many "waaa tis" questions, and favourite colour is green. ZY is a cheeky playful boy, who thinks his fellow classmate looks like chicken little.WX always get excited seeing me, calling me in a hurried voice "teecher jessee, teecher jessee!!" hehehe. i've got so many more kids which i have yet to tell of! and each of them are unique individuals with different personalities. the kids described above are with down syndrome, autism, ADHD, slow learners or just having other kind of learning disability.

oh, i'll never forget these two kids, MZ and NH, from different classes. both happened to throw tantrums on my first week of work!! O_o" it did get me stressed out a bit, but thank God i had the ability to switch if off my brain at the moment. they were just screaming the lungs outs, for good 15 minutes, 'coz they didn't get wat they wanted. sigh! serious dose of patience is definately needed! NH, i call her the predator, hahah, reason being she'll suddenly grab and scratch another child's face. poor HC was a victim, thank God he didn't cry tho. he was in shock! he did whimper a bit after i released her hand. oh, most ppl agree that he does look like chicken little . =P MZ is a smart boy, but has trouble accepting correction, gets really sick and grossed out looking at slimy stuffs and is currently obessed with the edge of the table.

when i first started my job, i did began to wonder why some ppl born like this. as in why can't everyone be born normal. some times i do wonder what goes on in the minds of these kids, esp the ones who are just so into the world of their own.....one thing i realized was that God also made them, and i'm sure He has His purpose. He made them in His image, and these kids were in His mind even before they were conceived. i believe i'll see them in heaven, and God will
explain why. For now.... i see these kids as an opportunity for me to develop characters of compassion, love and patience.

know what? some of this kids are really smart, i get excited knowing they know how to count to 20, or even do simple maths! these kids have some level of understanding, and not entirely blur cases. =P i must say, it has been fun working with them, sometimes i forget that it's work, and i have objectives to meet when teaching them one-on-one. recently i started working with babies with down syndrome group. all of them are adorable little darlings. =) things that we do so naturally like kneeling, crossing barriers, standing up from sitting on the floor, grabbing and dropping objects, these babies need learn it and work
little harder to develop their muscles, and preventing stiff limbs.

i realized that early intervention is really helpful for kids with learning disability. some parents are ignorant to their child's needs, thinking that they could do everything for the child. but once the they've outgrown the cute stage and 10 years down the road, it's not easy having to serve your children's everyday need, like spoon feeding the child, dressing the child?! independence is the key thing that we teach the children. they've got to learn to do basic things on their own, without parent's help. i am so glad that most of the parent whom we work with are very keen to work together with the teachers in teaching their children.

hmmm.... i do wonder..... 20 years on, when these kids have grown up to be young adults, will they fit into the society? can the society accept their uniqueness? will they be given a chance?....

May Ninth

2006-05-08T08:43:00.000-07:00

Few days ago, I met a man from street fellowship. He looked like a retired Indian man. Healthy looking, educated man. His eyes were clear, so was his honesty. We briefly introduced ourselves and he started sharing his story. You know how sometime you meet people at social functions; you don’t know if they are putting on a façade, you don’t know who is being real, who is not. There wasn’t any mask involved here.

Back to the man, he used to held a high position in the port where he worked. Being young and earning money, like many other young working adults, he started hanging out with friends at pubs and started drinking. Those days were fun for him, and he enjoyed it. Like most people, he thought he could control the alcohol. Hahaha…. How naïve….

He got married, had three kids, I think he prolly had a nice family. He kept telling me his son is a graduate. Good for him. Anyway, his alcohol problem persisted for 20 over years till one day the family couldn’t take it anymore. The son raised his fist at the dad, the dad left home.

A careered man, an educated man, a family man….. he is now sleeping in the streets at night, try to earn some money just to get his fix. He is always on alert as he wouldn’t want to be caught by local council, he hardly sleep well at night. His ego was broken, the proud man in him made humbled.

One thing I admired about him is that he still has his dignity. He won’t accept free meals, he would want to work for it. Another thing I admired about him is that he knows he needs help and he wants to change. He wants to quite his habits and he is looking for the answer. I encouraged him and wished him all the best. I hope he makes some progress….

Listening to his story, I shared mine too. I told him I know exactly how the son must have felt. I too came from the same family. That’s history, now is the present, and tomorrow is the future. What you do now determines your future; you don’t live in your past. I told him my dad died of alcohol… the moment I said those words he turned his face away. He realized that it is real and it is not playing game, it is not having fun. Alcoholism kills.

It was nice talking to him, knowing that he knows the dangers of his habits. Like I’ve said before, he is a learned man. He knows the danger of that cheap liquor sold in cina shops. In a way, I think he was glad to have talked to me too, knowing that I know these stuffs too. Both of us realized that this is real. And what I could do is only to encourage him to change and he wills to change.

May 9th marks the second anniversary of my dad’s passing away. I thank God for my dad, as in he provided for the family, gave me education, gave financial security. My dad had a compassionate heart. He too has an ego. I won’t write much here, I don’t wanna share much here. But what I wanna say is… because of his life, I determine not to fall for what the society says is normal. Because of his life, i made the choice not to drink alcohol.

You know how people say they are sorry when they hear some of your family member has passed on. hmmm….. Which brings me back to the day of his wake. It was funny seeing teary eyed friends. Anyway, there’s really nothing they should feel sorry about. Erm… I guess they should change the courtesy word to something else or say nothing at all. Anyway, good things turned out from the bad. Sounds cruel….. but I’m glad just how things worked out now. one life gone, three lives gained.

There are times when I wonder where he’ll be. I really don’t know….. He believed in so many other faiths, I wonder if he made the call. Anyway, I shall find out….. When I meet my creator. =)

Life is about choices, how your life turns out depends on the choice you make. Use wisdom, use the brains God gave. Life is so full of so many possibilities, so many wonderful things to achieve and to experience. Don’t let other people dictate your life, but let them guide. The end of your life determines if you had made the right choice…. And it is not man who judges….