Her Walk

She looks up from her book

She welcomes the sight of the lake

She smiles…. Knowing she has arrived

She had always looked forward to the sight

Bidding farewell to it every morning

She takes her walk

Getting her usual pancake

She says thank you and smiled

She loves the peanut and sugar and the crunch

She walks….

She walks, while enjoying the munch

Yum…..

She walks….

Reflecting her day

The children’s antics amuses her,

She laughs in her heart, she smiles

Reflecting her life

She asks for God’s grace and trust

She spends lots of time thinking,

The walk is seldom empty,

But lots of thoughts, and conversations

Lots of ponderings, and doubts

Lots of petitioning, and remembering

The crossroad is in sight,

She strains to see what colour it was,

And she starts calculating her steps,

Maybe she should keep her pace; then it’ll be the right time to cross

Maybe she should quicken the steps; just in case she was too late

Maybe she should slow down; ‘coz it was gonnna stop anyway

Maybe she should just talk her walk;

Enjoy the sky

It doesn’t matter what colour it shows, she always crosses over it anyway.

She should just take her walk…..

She walks….

She enjoys the leaves above her

The shadow dances on the street.

She looks forward to the turn

Smiling she’d soon be there

She walks…..

The familiar surrounding comes into sight,

Her heart starts to sing,

Of songs that would praise her Lord,

Of songs that she was feeling,

Of songs that was from her heart

She walks…..

She looks up to the sky,

She marvels at its vastness

And she thought to herself….

When was the last time she marveled at the blue sky?

It is so wide,

It seems infinite with no end; so big, so high, so in awe

The sun caught her eyes, the clouds spread like water paint

She marvels at the beauty….

She takes in the surrounding; enjoys the moment of admiring HIS work.

A final turn…

Her walk is nearing,

A few more steps…

She breathes the sigh of relief

She croons ‘Hi honey! How are you!’

He jumps around, greeting her happily

She smiles, pat his head, sometimes a hug…..
She is home.

Spare a Fifty?

Fifty ringgit. How much is it worth to you?

Sometimes when I find out how much people spend on certain stuffs; clothes, shoes, toys, accessories, which really without it, their life would still carry on…. I feel like strangling their wallet. I feel like telling them, spare a thought for something better, spare your fifty to change for better a someone else’s life….. Nope, I have never really done that. People have their right to do whatever they want with their money. Go ahead and spend it.

My fifty… there is this precious little fifty which I set aside and know where it goes every month. This precious little fifty, which I makes sure it is delivered. This precious little fifty which sometimes gets me into trouble. This precious little fifty which I know and hope that is still alive, am making a change for better in another person’s life. This precious little fifty which I hold dear to my heart.

Fifty ringgit… what can you buy? Ask any young people, it’ll prolly be spent off in three days, or maybe two? I don’t need to elaborate.

Two years back, I came across and advert on reader’s digest. I think it was a story about a child inThailand, living in poverty. Can’t remember much, but that story touched me and I decided to respond. I really couldn’t believe that fifty ringgit was all it took to make a change for better in another person’s life. Fifty ringgit was all it took…. Of course I have a fifty to spare!!!

Two years on… I still have my fifty to spare, and a story to tell.

Ever heard about the war atLebanon last year? To people it’s prolly just another war. It’s nothing new; people have always been in and out of war. But when I read about the war, it was hard to believe it was happening. For a brief moment, I knew what it was like fearing that somebody I know would die anytime. The bullets or rockets could get to him. Anytime he would be killed, it’s vulnerable out there. The worst feeling is not knowing if he was still alive. It’s hard to describe it. You know you hate what was happening, and yet nothing you could do to stop it. You see it happening right before you, yet all you can do is to watch it with fear and agony. It’s just helplessness. You feel like crying, but it seems foolish and strange. Something which people most likely won’t understand. Prayer is the only hope that you cling on to.

The war did end, after 34 days. Infrastructures were destroyed, the ports, the roads, the bridges. Lives were killed, people lost their homes, belongings, friends and family members. Those who survived suffered from fear, hunger, diseases, lack of water, medicines. People living in the shadows of what had happened.

How would you feel…. You spent many years building up a community. A poor one that is. You train them in agriculture, they develop the land, and if the cycle keeps going, they may slowly gain financial independence. You provide health services, vaccinations, clinics. You provide clean water for drinking, cooking, bathing, watering livestock and fields. You provide education for the children, knowing that it is important they remained in school. Imagine, the community grows and develop; it is slowly starting to take shape to be a long-lasting self sustaining improvement. And then… all of a sudden…. its gone. You don’t know what hit you….. exactly, you don’t know what hit you.

I felt it was stupid, utterly rubbish and nonsense. All the hard work and effort, just gone like that. What nonsense?! Yea… what nonsense….. and it really did happened.

Elie turns 13 this April. His eyes never fail to attract my attention. It’s big, round and black. He loves what most boys like to do, basketball, football, fishing. The last time I got his letter, Nov 2006, he still wants to be a judge. =) two years back, and two years on, he still has the same ambition. That makes me proud in some way. How many at age 24 can boast that their ‘son’ wants to be a judge when he grows up? I can!! =)

Elie is fromLebanon. He is a child whom I’ve been faithfully sparing a fifty every month. That fifty though of little value here, it means a lot to me and I know that it has given him a better future. That fifty does not go into his pocket, but it goes into developing his community. Providing education, clean water, efficient health care, developing the economic and agriculture. That sponsorship helped in building crucial cornerstones that allow the community to rise above poverty and children to pursue their dream. Elie could be the judge that he dreams to be.

After all that have passed, I still hope and pray that he is alright.

Fifty ringgit? You think you are doing a good thing in changing somebody’s life for better. You don’t know how much more it changes yours.

(Elie is under the child sponsorship programme of World VisionLebanon)

It's Not About You

It’s not about you.

Have you ever wondered what does it take to serve? I mean meeting the needs of others. I am not saying serving because you are asked to do or because it is an obligation. But really serving, serve to meet the needs of others, without anything in return….. Have you ever thought of it?

I do think a lot about it… Why do some people do what they do, especially those working in a caring ministry. Caring for people is definitely not easy, and I’m not talking about nurses, though I respect them a lot. I’m talking about a group of people who chose to care for the society’s rejects and outcast. What made them do what they do?

It’s not about you.

Working in a Christian NGO, it is not easy for me. And I’m not talking about the work. I’m talking about the things that was ‘’given up’’, the things the world could offer if I were to work for big time companies. The thought do play in my mind once in a while. Especially about the money I could be earning, the things I could buy, the holidays that I could go for, the investments and savings I could do, the word would be financial freedom. But is it true? Financial freedom?

Many times I did asked why I chose what I’m doing right now. To many, it seems foolish and silly, to give up your degree, work hard in another field and yet paid peanuts. But honestly, if you ask do I think it’s silly and foolish?.... I doubt…. God takes the foolish things of the world to bring down the wise. I must admit that it’s tough and not easy, but I also acknowledge that my life is in God’s hand, He knows my needs and challenges, and truly only by His grace I can sustain. I’ve seen Him seeing me through my ups and downs. It doesn’t mean it’s nice and rosy all the time, in realistic, when the down times comes, it hits really hard. That’s when your faith is tested.

Many times, especially during the down times, I did asked; what about me? Why should I care for others? Why should I dig into my pocket to feed other people’s stomach when I don’t have enough myself? Why should I offer my time to people when I have no time for myself? Why should I give when I can’t even buy what I want? I can go on and on asking about thing that satisfies my “needs” and wants. Why should I care for others?

Deep down inside I do wonder, do people ever care for others? In others, I don’t mean people you know, but of people the society misses out on. The dirty ol’ begger. The mother and child begging at street. The children in homes. The learning disabled adult wandering in street. The schizophrenic screaming and shouting at passerby. Sometimes I wish I don’t see what I see; I don’t know what I know. The needs just seem overwhelming and I feel helpless. Can’t I just be ignorant to it? Who cares?

Yes, you can care to give money to the begger for today. But for how long? How much can you give? Yes, you can care to visit the children in homes at special occasions. But for how long? How much can you commit to the love they need? Yes, you can care to offer some pity or maybe disgusted look at the learning disabled adult. But have you ever wondered what its like to be in their shoes? They did not choose to be born that way, God made them special. The people trapped in their own thoughts and thinking, I could only offer prayers. Many times, looking at the needs of these people… I stopped asking, “What about my needs?” I could only praise God and give thanks that I can do what I am today.

Jesus, who is my God, the King of all kings and the Lord of all lords, made Himself nothing, laid aside His mighty power and glory and took the humble position of a servant to serve the needs of the people. My Jesus served….. He cared for the poor and needy, healed many that were sick, blind, crippled, tormented, and touched those whom society shunned. My Jesus served, and people praised God for His serving.

It’s not about you.

Serving is not about you. Is not about how well you could serve others, meeting their needs, thinking that you really tried your best and wanting the person to be blessed by what you did. Serving is not about you.

I had the privilege of looking at the faces of people whose life has changed because of the Christian NGO’s service unto them. Their faces taught me something about serving. It’s not about me. It’s about the people whom I served…. and who they will be praising because I served them. Jesus. =)

My Kids

"Hi! Wat's your name?" i asked the little gal who was sitting on her mother's lap. she's got this beautiful flawless skin, and typical chinese gal hair with straight short fringe. she looked every bit a normal gal would look like. "Aaagghh, aaaghhh, aaaghhh", was the answer i got before she turned, burying her face into her mom's chest, avoiding my eye contact. i was erm.... speechless for a
moment.

hehehe.... that was my first encounter with an autistic child a year ago. and it gave me a lasting impression.

it's been a month since i started my new job, i am now working with children with learning disability. it's amazing! i'm learning new stuffs everyday, and the children are simply adorable, and i think they are a bunch of funny ppl. yup funny!

during the first week of my job, i was getting used to the idea of working with children. never in my entire 23 years of age have i even given a tot of working with children. me?! teaching kids?! no way!! never!!! if, you would have told me in my schooling days that i may one day do this job, i'll say it's something that my best fren does, not me! wat more, teaching children with learning disability?! O_o"

back to my first encounter with the austistic child a year ago..... i visited the school she attended, which caters to children like her. hmmm..... all i could remember was, not knowing what to do and just stand and gapped at them. i must say i admired the teacher's passion, dedication and love for the children. it takes a certain heart and compassion to do this kind of work, and definately lots of patience, and a great sense of humour!

okay now, back to my first week of work, i was introduced to the school age program kids. these kids comes for 2 1/2 hour class, twice a week, and does scheduled activities with us. OM is a tall lanky gal 8 year old gal, who is very sweet. she likesto offer teachers her biscuit during snack time. then there's HS who's always needing assurance and confirmation from the teacher. she'll stare until she get's your eye contact, and approve that she's doing the right job. oh, she's got an adorable dimpled smile. SK is a funny sweet boy who lacks attention span. it'll be a great success to get him focused for about 10 seconds! oh, and there's this little adorable DR, who's sooo cute, he waddles side to side when he walks. beautiful KW always comes to class feeling sleepy, whose head is too heavy to lift up, and oh her voice barely heard! and there's SY who's always reminding her frens "no touching frens!". we've also got smart bossy NB who likes to take lead, and directing ppl around. JW is a handsome young boy who's in the world of his own, asking many "waaa tis" questions, and favourite colour is green. ZY is a cheeky playful boy, who thinks his fellow classmate looks like chicken little.WX always get excited seeing me, calling me in a hurried voice "teecher jessee, teecher jessee!!" hehehe. i've got so many more kids which i have yet to tell of! and each of them are unique individuals with different personalities. the kids described above are with down syndrome, autism, ADHD, slow learners or just having other kind of learning disability.

oh, i'll never forget these two kids, MZ and NH, from different classes. both happened to throw tantrums on my first week of work!! O_o" it did get me stressed out a bit, but thank God i had the ability to switch if off my brain at the moment. they were just screaming the lungs outs, for good 15 minutes, 'coz they didn't get wat they wanted. sigh! serious dose of patience is definately needed! NH, i call her the predator, hahah, reason being she'll suddenly grab and scratch another child's face. poor HC was a victim, thank God he didn't cry tho. he was in shock! he did whimper a bit after i released her hand. oh, most ppl agree that he does look like chicken little . =P MZ is a smart boy, but has trouble accepting correction, gets really sick and grossed out looking at slimy stuffs and is currently obessed with the edge of the table.

when i first started my job, i did began to wonder why some ppl born like this. as in why can't everyone be born normal. some times i do wonder what goes on in the minds of these kids, esp the ones who are just so into the world of their own.....one thing i realized was that God also made them, and i'm sure He has His purpose. He made them in His image, and these kids were in His mind even before they were conceived. i believe i'll see them in heaven, and God will
explain why. For now.... i see these kids as an opportunity for me to develop characters of compassion, love and patience.

know what? some of this kids are really smart, i get excited knowing they know how to count to 20, or even do simple maths! these kids have some level of understanding, and not entirely blur cases. =P i must say, it has been fun working with them, sometimes i forget that it's work, and i have objectives to meet when teaching them one-on-one. recently i started working with babies with down syndrome group. all of them are adorable little darlings. =) things that we do so naturally like kneeling, crossing barriers, standing up from sitting on the floor, grabbing and dropping objects, these babies need learn it and work
little harder to develop their muscles, and preventing stiff limbs.

i realized that early intervention is really helpful for kids with learning disability. some parents are ignorant to their child's needs, thinking that they could do everything for the child. but once the they've outgrown the cute stage and 10 years down the road, it's not easy having to serve your children's everyday need, like spoon feeding the child, dressing the child?! independence is the key thing that we teach the children. they've got to learn to do basic things on their own, without parent's help. i am so glad that most of the parent whom we work with are very keen to work together with the teachers in teaching their children.

hmmm.... i do wonder..... 20 years on, when these kids have grown up to be young adults, will they fit into the society? can the society accept their uniqueness? will they be given a chance?....

May Ninth

Few days ago, I met a man from street fellowship. He looked like a retired Indian man. Healthy looking, educated man. His eyes were clear, so was his honesty. We briefly introduced ourselves and he started sharing his story. You know how sometime you meet people at social functions; you don’t know if they are putting on a façade, you don’t know who is being real, who is not. There wasn’t any mask involved here.

Back to the man, he used to held a high position in the port where he worked. Being young and earning money, like many other young working adults, he started hanging out with friends at pubs and started drinking. Those days were fun for him, and he enjoyed it. Like most people, he thought he could control the alcohol. Hahaha…. How naïve….

He got married, had three kids, I think he prolly had a nice family. He kept telling me his son is a graduate. Good for him. Anyway, his alcohol problem persisted for 20 over years till one day the family couldn’t take it anymore. The son raised his fist at the dad, the dad left home.

A careered man, an educated man, a family man….. he is now sleeping in the streets at night, try to earn some money just to get his fix. He is always on alert as he wouldn’t want to be caught by local council, he hardly sleep well at night. His ego was broken, the proud man in him made humbled.

One thing I admired about him is that he still has his dignity. He won’t accept free meals, he would want to work for it. Another thing I admired about him is that he knows he needs help and he wants to change. He wants to quite his habits and he is looking for the answer. I encouraged him and wished him all the best. I hope he makes some progress….

Listening to his story, I shared mine too. I told him I know exactly how the son must have felt. I too came from the same family. That’s history, now is the present, and tomorrow is the future. What you do now determines your future; you don’t live in your past. I told him my dad died of alcohol… the moment I said those words he turned his face away. He realized that it is real and it is not playing game, it is not having fun. Alcoholism kills.

It was nice talking to him, knowing that he knows the dangers of his habits. Like I’ve said before, he is a learned man. He knows the danger of that cheap liquor sold in cina shops. In a way, I think he was glad to have talked to me too, knowing that I know these stuffs too. Both of us realized that this is real. And what I could do is only to encourage him to change and he wills to change.

May 9th marks the second anniversary of my dad’s passing away. I thank God for my dad, as in he provided for the family, gave me education, gave financial security. My dad had a compassionate heart. He too has an ego. I won’t write much here, I don’t wanna share much here. But what I wanna say is… because of his life, I determine not to fall for what the society says is normal. Because of his life, i made the choice not to drink alcohol.

You know how people say they are sorry when they hear some of your family member has passed on. hmmm….. Which brings me back to the day of his wake. It was funny seeing teary eyed friends. Anyway, there’s really nothing they should feel sorry about. Erm… I guess they should change the courtesy word to something else or say nothing at all. Anyway, good things turned out from the bad. Sounds cruel….. but I’m glad just how things worked out now. one life gone, three lives gained.

There are times when I wonder where he’ll be. I really don’t know….. He believed in so many other faiths, I wonder if he made the call. Anyway, I shall find out….. When I meet my creator. =)

Life is about choices, how your life turns out depends on the choice you make. Use wisdom, use the brains God gave. Life is so full of so many possibilities, so many wonderful things to achieve and to experience. Don’t let other people dictate your life, but let them guide. The end of your life determines if you had made the right choice…. And it is not man who judges….

Precious Lifes

Yesterday I went to a children home in PJ. These children come from various backgrounds; abuse, abandoned, orphans, single mothers and so on. (The home is so nicely organized, with more than 20 years experience, it is very established.) The kids are a bunch of darlings when I saw them. The lil ones were playing outside while some were doing their duties. How many of us actually sweep the drain in our house? the nine year old kid did it for the home. And a 16 year old ironed everybody’s school uniforms! Wow…. wished some parents would send their pampered children to the home to learn some living skills.

Anyway, I managed to talk to a few girls staying there. What caught my attention were their beauty and their skin color. After getting to know their names and breaking the ice, they asked me what am I. (I’m of mixed parentage, Indian Chinese.) Cool, so they understood the reason to my skin colour and the lil different features. Looking at the girls, I couldn’t quite guess their parentage. They looked mixed…..

What I want to say is….. These girls don’t know who their parents were. Not that I know their individual stories, or what their background were or how they ended up at the shelter, but I went home thinking about them. They can go on guessing their mixed parentage (they were neither pure Chinese nor Indian.) if their parents never show up to acknowledge them, the children will never know their through identity in terms of race.

My point is, children don’t come into the world by their own choice. Parents brought them to existence. Just a few days ago, a newborn baby was found in the garbage bin……. Baby = Rubbish? You = Rubbish? NO!!!

I’m not sure if the authorities have found who dumped the baby, but the baby surely did not deserve it. I’m just guessing….. This baby could be a case of unwanted pregnancy. A case of young people having unprotected sex? A case of two young ppl knowing less of the consequences to their actions? Hmm… I could be wrong…. Could it be a case of rape victim who didn’t know what to do with the beast’s child…..? or….. Could it be a case where the mom had too many children at hand? (I doubt)

Children are gifts from God, not accidents….. It is sad that some of them are treated tat way right from the start of their life. Young people…. Those who sleep around, you know what I’m talking about. Don’t say it’ll never happen to you. That’s naïve, that’s ignorance. Abstain from doing it now, have it all you want in your marriage. Men…. You who think women are sex objects, in subjection to your lust, you are a @#%$!!! I wish the government would go ahead with castration for those who are found guilty of rape. Have they ever wondered if it would result to a baby being born…. Oh wait! I forgot they are not human…. A case of mom having too many children at hand? I doubt they’d dump their babies…. Loving moms with many children just don’t do that……

Life is not just about you….. I thank God that the children found a home in the shelter. I believe that they are well taken care of, by people who loved them more than their biological parents. They may never know what it is like to be in a “normal” family. But they understand sharing, love, discipline, chores, tolerance, compassion. I believe this children would be of so much value, wherever they will be in future, and… they are definitely not rubbish!

garbage, trash, waste

There are a few professions that I admire the people who do the work. Not the work that they do, but the person that does the work. I’m not talking about being a director of big petroleum company, or the head of a multinational manufacturing firm, or even the ceo of a big international shipping company. It is good that they achieve whatever they have achieved. They must have worked hard to be where they are.

Anyway, the profession that I admire is not the type where the society has already dictates it is good. It’s not the type where their tax is more than somebody's 5 months salary, it’s not the type where you tell people what you do and they look at you in awe, it’s not the type where you mention the name of your company and immediately your status rise to another level. It’s not the type where the society has said that these people are the best, crème of the crop, the ones who sets the benchmark. True, they deserve some admiration but, still......

One of the professions (the people) that I admire and appreciate is the ones that most people take for granted. Sometimes I wonder if people even thought about them. They don’t look smart, most of the time they are dirty, people tend to avoid them, and their kind of work, hmmm…. Some may even forget they exist. Well…..parents used to say if we don't study hard, we’ll end up like them. Anyway, come to think of it, I’m grateful to these people.

I’m talking about the garbage collectors. The people that comes to your house and collects your trash early in the morning. It is like so magical, you create a mess of trash, throw away your unwanted waste, you put it into the bin and the next few days it disappears. And it goes on and on and you don’t have to worry about the rubbish pilling up ‘coz you know that somebody’s gonna come and clear it for you. Most people don’t care where the garbage goes to as long as it doesn’t stay in MY bin for more than three days! Most people don’t care who does that job, as long as they don’t miss doing the job. Most people like me…. take them for granted.

Yup, I admire the people who are serving the society as a garbage collector. I admire the thing that is in them. I admire their courage. I mean surely it’s not a profession where kids in school have ambition to be. I mean who would wanna bear with the stench? The heavy garbage? Or the juices that comes out from it?! Or put their health at higher risk? Urrgh…….Hmm… I wonder what kind of people are they; I mean what’s their story? Did they really flunk in school? Or do they come from poor destitute families? Or do they really really have no other options?

Actually….. Not everyone can do the work of a garbage collector unless they are forced under unavoidable circumstances. Anybody can be a leader in the corporate world if they work hard enough, be sharp enough, be smart enough, have the cutting edge and climb the ladder. But not anybody can do the humbling job of a garbage collector… …it breaks the proud, it breaks the ego, it breaks the norm.