If I Were

If I were a butterfly, I'd be purple, pink and blue
If I were a cloud, I'd be white and puffy against the blue sky
If I were the sky, I'd be orangey, purple with tinge of pink
If I were a rainbow, I'd like to be a full circle like a halo.



If I were flowers, I'd be colourful chrysanthemums
If I were a tree, I'd want to have lots of branches and vines that children can climb
If I were the grass, I'd want to be soft and fully green
If I were a fruit, maybe coconut will do.



If I were a book, I'd want to have volumes after volumes of wholesome stories
If I were a rollercoaster, I'd want to have loops and drops and curves that makes people scream their lungs out and their heart droped
If I were a house, I'd want it cozy, inviting, warm and soft
If I were a journal, I'd let the pen write whatever it wants



If I could fly, I'd be zipping in and out of the clouds with the birds
If I could hold my breath, I'd be diving into the vast ocean with corals, fishes and dolphins
If I could teleport, I'd be at the waterfalls and next the beaches and next the mountains and next the lake
If I could go back in time, I'd be rewriting history.



If I was anything I want to be, I'd be anything I want to be
Isn't it fun to revisit imaginations
Childhood that was forgotten somewhere
Midst of changing times.

Handsome Young Man

I was awaken by a sudden kick at my foot. I looked up to see a tall handsome young man sitting right in front of me. I was a little annoyed when he did not acknowledge to say sorry. He seemed to be oblivious and settled into his seat. Annoyed i went back to sleep again....

A few stations later, people started coming in. I started noticing this man in front of me. He has very nice features, fair skin, a little rosy cheek and muscular built. He is quite good looking. =)

While looking and observing him, i started noticing some strangely familiar things about him. Somehow his movements, the way he looked at things around him, the way he moved his head, the way he listened, the way he wore his bag, the way the wore his trousers..... they were so familiar.....

They reminded me of one of my children.

Having that thought in mind, gosh, he really did have some same behaviour as the child!

The way he looked at things, the way he tries to identify where the sounds were coming from. The way the turned his head and looked around to the window. The way he sniffed the air and lacking social skills, sniffed the guy next to him. The way he holds the hand rail and again lacking social skills, his hand went way beyond to the other person's seats. The way he stands up, and started hanging both his hand on the hand rail. And he started making some grunting sound. Hehehe..... I found it amusing. It was my first time seeing a full grown adult, a man, with similar behaviour of this child.

Looking at his actions, i had a feeling that this good looking man might or prolly have some special needs. Autism maybe? And true enough, i saw him wearing a special LRT pass card for OKU. =)

In that short little experience, i noticed how the girls around him started keeping a distance from him, some moved away. Some gave a wide eye, worried, scared look. Some smiled politely, knowing something is different about this guy.

I never knew which station this guy got off. But i do wonder, what happened throughout the rest of the ride. It might have been interesting. =)

Maybe, i'll just bump into him again...... ;D

My Favourite Stories

Its been two years working with the children. I was just thinking about the lifes that i came in contact with and reflecting the wonderful changes and progress that they have made. These are the stories that i love to tell.

My children.

I love this girl. She is just so funny. Cheeky most of the time, and when she laughs, she has the most enjoyable hearty laugh which adults don't have. I remembered when i first saw her two years ago, she was on all four, at four years old. It was weird seeing her crawling to get about and very fast at it. I remember the teachers doing lots of knee bending exercises with her and it paid off! She is walking today! Last week she rote counted 1 to 6 and that was the best i have ever heard so far. She finally opened her golden mouth to count for the reward of blowing 6 candles! And she has just turned six last weekend. =)

This boy used to be a terror, he still is sometimes to the newbies. Hehehe..... i used to dread being assigned to teach him as he used to come into the centre crying till he gets out an hour later. I described him as a whirlwind of ferocious tornado storm that whirls around the centre drowning all senses till he gets out. It used to be a wrestle getting him to sit on chair to do task, it will be a great success even to get him to sit for 30 seconds without having your hair ripped off. Hehehe... i love this boy! Terror that he used to be, he still is sometimes today. But because we have grown to know him, its funny and frustrating sometimes to see him whine and cry at the certain tasks presented to him. Anyways, i'm proud to say today he is reading sentences, learning to write, can count quantities and match to numerals. Amazing for a boy who has short attention span. He has the mischevious twinkle in his eyes.

This handsome boy came in with little speech and i remember he was a bundle of energy. Everywhere he went was run, run, run. Hehehe... like a bolt of lightning. He also had a wriggly butt which couldn't sit still and has to be on the move. =P Despite his hyperactivity, he learns very fast. He can do problem solving mathematics now. And mid this year, he was the top of his class at kindy!!! How cool is that for a child with special needs?!

Its funny when i think of it. The things that we celebrate and are so happy about are the simplest littlest thing, but a great feat for our children.

We make a big deal to praise them when they could go toilet by themselve. We make a big deal to praise them when they could drink using a cup. We make a big deal to praise them when they could walk. We make a big deal to praise them when they could read, write and count. We make a big deal to praise them when they could request for play. We make a big deal to praise them when they could sit and wait. We make a big deal to praise and encourage them doing the right stuffs. It is an academy award at every small little success!

With so much time and energy invested into teaching these little ones, my prayer is to see them being accepted as part of a community.

You Are Special - Max Lucado

I stumbled upon this children story book by Max Lucado at my workplace. I love what i read. It is a simple heart warming story and little reminder to me of God's love. "Because you're mine. That's why you matter to me."

You Are Special – Max Lucado

The Wemmicks were small wooden people. Each of the wooden people was carved by a woodworker named Eli. His workshop sat on a hill overlooking their village. Every Wemmick was different. Some had big noses, others had large eyes. Some were tall and others were short. Some wore hats, others wore coats. But all were made by the same carver and all lived in the village. And all day, every day, the Wemmicks did the same thing: They gave each other stickers. Each Wemmick had a box of golden star stickers and a box of gray dot stickers. Up and down the streets all over the city, people could be seen sticking stars or dots on one another.

The pretty ones, those with smooth wood and fine paint, always got stars. But if the wood was rough or the paint chipped, the Wemmicks gave dots. The talented ones got stars too. Some could lift big sticks high above their heads or jump over tall boxes. Still others knew big words or could sing very pretty songs. Everyone gave them stars.

Some Wemmicks had stars all over them! Every time they got a star it made them feel so good that they did something else and got another star. Others, though, could do little. They got dots.

Punchinello was one of these. He tried to jump high like the others, but he always fell. And when he fell, the others would gather around and give him dots.

Sometimes when he fell, it would scar his wood, so the people would give him more dots. He would try to explain why he fell and say something silly, and the Wemmicks would give him more dots. After a while he had so many dots that he didn't want to go outside. He was afraid he would do something dumb such as forget his hat or step in the water, and then people would give him another dot. In fact, he had so many gray dots that some people would come up and give him one without reason. "He deserves lots of dots," the wooden people would agree with one another. "He's not a good wooden person."

After a while Punchinello believed them. "I'm not a good Wemmick," he would say. The few times he went outside, he hung around other Wemmicks who had a lot of dots. He felt better around them.

One day he met a Wemmick who was unlike any he'd ever met. She had no dots or stars. She was just wooden. Her name was Lucia. It wasn't that people didn't try to give her stickers; it's just that the stickers didn't stick. Some admired Lucia for having no dots, so they would run up and give her a star. But it would fall off. Some would look down on her for having no stars, so they would give her a dot. But it wouldn't stay either. 'That's the way I want to be,'thought Punchinello. 'I don't want anyone's marks.' So he asked the stickerless Wemmick how she did it. "It's easy," Lucia replied. "every day I go see Eli."

"Eli?" "Yes, Eli. The woodcarver. I sit in the workshop with him." "Why?" "Why don't you find out for yourself? Go up the hill. He's there."

And with that the Wemmick with no marks turned and skipped away. "But he won't want to see me!" Punchinello cried out. Lucia didn't hear. So Punchinello went home. He sat near a window and watched the wooden people as they scurried around giving each other stars and dots. "It's not right," he muttered to himself. And he resolved to go see Eli. He walked up the narrow path to the top of the hill and stepped into the big shop. His wooden eyes widened at the size of everything. The stool was as tall as he was. He had to stretch on his tiptoes to see the top of the workbench. A hammer was as long as his arm. Punchinello swallowed hard. "I'm not staying here!" and he turned to leave. Then he heard his name.

"Punchinello?" The voice was deep and strong. Punchinello stopped. "Punchinello! How good to see you. Come and let me have a look at you." Punchinello turned slowly and looked at the large bearded craftsman. "You know my name?" the little Wemmick asked.

"Of course I do. I made you." Eli stooped down and picked him up and set him on the bench. "Hmm," the maker spoke thoughtfully as he inspected the gray circles. "Looks like you've been given some bad marks." "I didn't mean to, Eli. I really tried hard." "Oh, you don't have to defend yourself to me, child. I don't care what the other Wemmicks think." "You don't?"

No, and you shouldn't either. Who are they to give stars or dots?
They're Wemmicks just like you. What they think doesn't matter, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special."
Punchinello laughed. "Me, special? Why? I can't walk fast. I can't jump. My paint is peeling. Why do I matter to you?"

Eli looked at Punchinello, put his hands on those small wooden shoulders, and spoke very slowly. "Because you're mine. That's why you matter to me."
Punchinello had never had anyone look at him like this--much less his maker. He didn't know what to say.

"Every day I've been hoping you'd come," Eli explained.
"I came because I met someone who had no marks."
"I know. She told me about you."
"Why don't the stickers stay on her?"
"Because she has decided that what I think is more important than what they think. The stickers only stick if you let them."

"What?"
"The stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust my love, the less you care about the stickers."
"I'm not sure I understand."

"You will, but it will take time. You've got a lot of marks. For now, just come to see me every day and let me remind you how much I care." Eli lifted Punchinello off the bench and set him on the ground. "Remember," Eli said as the Wemmick walked out the door. "You are special because I made you. And I don't make mistakes."

Punchinello didn't stop, but in his heart he thought, "I think he really means it."
And when he did, a dot fell to the ground.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Scj3A1cLVzY

Love at work

Over the weekend, i had a chance to spend time with my colleagues just resting and being away from everyday's busyness. It was nice having the free time and just doing things that we like or enjoy doing. It was nice being taken care of and not having to worry about what's next on the agenda. It was nice having that break out of routine. It was refreshing.

In that break, i also saw a glimpse of love.

I noticed this guy. Instantly i knew he was different. His father was with him and i tried not to stare. Then i met his mother. She turns out to be the volunteer who live in the home while the caretaker have her Saturday off. From the short conversation with her, i think she's a nice lady. Giving up your weekend to volunteer taking care of a home is sure something nice somebody nice would do.

I asked how old is her son. She said 29. I did not asked much about him then. I think it would have been awkward.

In the afternoon, I saw the father guiding his son at the porch of the house. I don't know what were they doing, prolly having a walk. It was funny tho to see his arm being straight binded. =)

Anyway, night time came. While my collegues and i were busy eating and barbecuing, i saw love at work.

For that brief moment, it was a touching sight to behold. It reminds me of an unconditional love. A love that does not matter what happens or happened.

I saw the father feeding his child of 29 years........just for that brief moment..... i saw love at work.

I try to think what is it like, having to take care of the basic needs of your own child. I know of a four year old who could dressed herself. And of course, the other four year old who could eat his own biscuit. This 29 year old guy, he had to be even prompted and assisted to hold his own cup. So, can you imagine? Caring for the basic need of your child for 29 years? Feeding? Clothing? Toileting? How do they do it?

I'm guessing it is the unconditional love, a love that does not matter what happens or happened, it will always be there to love.

I saw love at work. A father's love to his child.

Alex's Party

I am blessed! I am so blessed by the joy that a child can give. By the joy of seeing prayers answered. By the joy of seeing dreams coming into fulfillment. I am so blessed by seeing God's will being fulfilled in His own time. I am so blessed.

It is a joy of knowing that you are in His will and calling, and seeing the promises and purposes coming to pass before your very eyes. I am blessed!

This child came to the party today. And I praise God! I am overjoyed! It is really something that I am so happy about that I doubt any of the other teachers could understand. It was heartwarming seeing him blend into the crowd of children. It was heartwarming seeing his peers helping him. It was heartwarming seeing how people reacted to his 'different' funny antics. It was heartwarming just seeing him being whom God has created Him to be.

People who may not know me, I work fulltime with children. They are the only motivation that make me travel 3 crazy hours a day to work, even though I hate being packed up like sardines in the trains. I must say, my rewards really comes from the satisfaction of serving these children and seeing their life being transformed. It is trully amazing to see God in these little ones.

It is coming to two years now. I remember I used to wonder, why God did You created them? Which part of You is in them Lord?

Recently I just realized these verses....

Jesus heals a man born blind.

John 9:2 “Teacher”, his disciples asked Him. “why was this man born blind?” was it a result of his own sins or those of his parents?”

John 9:3 “It was not because of his sins or his parent's sins” Jesus answered “He was born blind so the power of God could be seen in him”

So that the power of God could be seen in him.......

I realized that these people really need God, and that His power really could be seen in them. Really, really, really....... so the power of God could be seen in them...... the power of God in the 'weak'.... it is awesome.

There are a few people whom i am inspired by and really their life do reflect what is written in the scriptures.

1 Corinth 1:27 “Instead, God deliberately chose things the world consider foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose those who are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important, so that no one can boast in the presence of God.”

1 Corinth 1:31 “The person who wishes to boast, should boast only of what the Lord has done. “

Who would have thought that someone who is quadriplegic in a wheelchair, unable to use her hands could be used by God to travel so many parts of the world to share her life stories, to preach and to advocate. Who would have thought that someone born without hands and legs could be used by God to inspire and to motivate school children, touching and changing their lives. Who would have thought that someone who is made disabled by a sickness could be used by God to start social works to serve the poor and needy. Who would have thought?

These 3 life are of real people. Real people whom I am inspired by and sometimes in awe and in wonder of the mysteries of God. God can use anyone, just about anyone who is willing.

I believe the children whom i serve, God can use them. So many times their life have touched and blessed me to see the wonders and goodness of God. I have read and hear of so many testimonies and stories of parents whom if they have an option, they would still choose to have their child with special needs in their life. They can't think of how life could be any better without their special needs child.

I am blessed. I can't think of how my life would have been any better without having to meet and serve these children. Trully i am blessed!

http://www.joniandfriends.org

http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org

http://www.wongkimkong.com

Caged and Bound

Caged and bound.

Is this how life is going to be? All that he knows?

The headlines of a local Malay Daily caught my eyes today, it brought me to a stop from the morning madness. It has a picture of a boy and the title reads “Sebelas tahun kena kurung” - “Eleven years being caged”.

I looked at it, I felt the urge to shout the importance to create awareness of people with special needs and how much more important it is to help the families involved.

Reading the boy's story, i know things can change for better. It can change for better when people do not fear. It can change for better when people are aware and knowledgeable about it. It can change for better when people take an interest and have the know hows. It can change for better when people can see the hope and potential to the things they can do. It can change for better, i know it can change for better.

Reading story like this, it always brings me back to the visit of a welfare home in a distant small town. I was very very new in this work then, it shocked me to see people in cages. I couldn't believe that such thing exist in Malaysia. There were cluster of people in different confined area with grilled gates, in another room three young men were in their individual 'cells'. It wasn't really big, prolly four feet wide, and six feet long. I remember thinking a rotteweiler or bull mastiffs would fit nicely into the cage. That was when i realized, i forgot the faces i was looking at were human. Human.

Another shelther home that i visited was none the less depressing. Not only did i saw children tied to chairs, but also pillars within its compound. I remember giving a child a hug, he was tied to the pillar upright, eyes bright, hands which held mine tight, beneath the 'look' i knew he craved to be loved. I wished I could do more, I knew there has to be a better way.

You know how sometimes you hear sermons of making a change for better? How sometimes you are challenged to change for better be it in your own life or another person's life? Being the blessing, knowing that what you give can never be returned? Want to make a change? Come be a direct change agent for children with special needs. How much you sow in today not only influence the child for better, but also the parents, siblings, relatives, neighbours, friends, and the whole community. Best of all, it changes you.

Where i work, i realized it is important to encourage, educate, empower and put in the right tools for parents to care for their children with special need. A home is where these children belong to, with their parents. They deserve every right to be loved and cared for by their parents. It always encourages me when i see parents working diligently with their children, and the success stories of how their children are learning and making progress from strength to strength.

Back to the welfare homes, those children were in that conditions because their care-takers did not know how to handle them. They only knew that the children were too dangerous to be let loose, for fear that they might hurt themselve or other people. They may bite, hit, scratch, kick or stranggle. The boy's parent too have the same fears.

Now for a short moment..... just try to imagine...... i open my eyes.... i see the bars..... its right in front of my face again. I try to move, something stoped me at my waist, at my wrist. I look out. I paced around in my confined area. I look out, i shout just so somebody could hear me to give me some response. I try banging the cage, maybe it'll come loose. I gnawed at the clothe at my waist and my wrist, its giving me itches and i hate it turning red. I try screaming maybe somebody will hear me. I paced around again..... i lay down. I look out again, i shout again just so somebody could hear me and give me some response. I try banging the cage again, maybe it'll come loose. I gnawed again at the clothe at my waist and my wrist, its giving me itches again and i hate it turning redder. I try screaming again maybe somebody will hear me.I paced around again and again..... i lay down again. I look out again and again, i shout again and again just so somebody could hear me and give me some response. I try banging the cage again and again, maybe it'll come loose. I gnawed again and again at the clothe at my waist and my wrist, its giving me itches again and again and i hate it turning redder again and again. I try screaming again and again maybe somebody will hear me....... day in, day out, sun rise sun set, day in day out, sun rise, sun set, day in day out, sun rise sun set, day in day out sun rise sun set, day in say out sun rise sun set........364 days, and many more years to come.....i open my eyes.... i see the bars..... its right in front of my face again. I try to move, something stoped me at my waist, at my wrist. I look out. I paced around in my confined area. I look out, i shout just so somebody could hear me to give me some response. I try banging the cage, maybe it'll come loose. I gnawed at the clothe at my waist and my wrist, its giving me itches and i hate it turning red. I try screaming maybe somebody will hear me. I paced around again..... i lay down.

Can you imagine?..... how did it feel like? Wanna break free? I was just trying to imagine what could it been like being in the boy's shoe. What i wrote was just a fiction.

To the boy's story, here's what the dad say “Jika dia keluar rumah, dia akan lari jika lihat kami mahu mendapatkannya”. Now imagine you are the boy. Wouldn't you wanna break free?

I believe there is a better way. I believe when people are educated about special needs, living in cages will be things of the past. Parents play an extremely important role in caring and upbringing of their children with special need. They are however not to be alone in this important task, we the member of society ought to encourage and cheer them on. With the right heart, the right mind set, the right attitude, and the right tools, all things are possible. There is no mountain too high to climb. The climb may be hard and tough, but once you reach the peak and enjoying the scenery, you know all of the challenges were worth every bit.

I believe caged and bound will be changed to free and living to the fullest!

http://www.hmetro.com.my/Thursday/BeritaUtama/20080417092455/Article

http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/4/17/nation/20977266&