Blossom - Part 2

It was an awkward walk.

My eyes were on plants and I am reminded of the promise to blossom.

I asked God, where? 

Have I whitered?

Will it ever blossom again?

Trees grow big.

Shoots of life coming out through the pavement cracks.

It tells me it will find a way, 

Pushing forward, going through.

And now as I reflect, did it actually mean flowing through with the current?

As i walked back, the little purple flower caught my delight. 

My question answered,

God's promises holds through.

 I am made to blossom.

A flower that blossom into fruit. 

 

Post 5.5.13

Lost for words, black represented what I felt. Mourning.

I woke up with heavy heart, tears rolled down as I ponder upon the next 5 years of the country.

Let me mourn.

After 3 days, I will resurrect.

Ecclesiastes 11

 

Be generous: Invest in acts of charity. 

Charity yields high returns.

 

Don't hoard your goods; spread them around. 

Be a blessing to others. 

This could be your last night.

 

When the clouds are full of water, it rains. 

When the wind blows down a tree, it lies where it falls. 

Don't sit there watching the wind. Do your own work. 

Don't stare at the clouds. Get on with your life.

 

Just as you'll never understand the mystery of life forming in a pregnant woman, 

So you'll never understand the mystery at work in all that God does.

 

Go to work in the morning and stick to it until evening without watching the clock. 

You never know from moment to moment how your work will turn out in the end.

Oh, how sweet the light of day, And how wonderful to live in the sunshine!

 

Even if you live a long time, don't take a single day for granted. 

Take delight in each light-filled hour, 

Remembering that there will also be many dark days

And that most of what comes your way is smoke.

 

You who are young, make the most of your youth.

Relish your youthful vigor.

Follow the impulses of your heart.

 

If something looks good to you, pursue it. 

But know also that not just anything goes; 

You have to answer to God for every last bit of it.

 

Live footloose and fancy-free— You won't be young forever.

Youth lasts about as long as smoke.

 

 

Ecclesiastes 11 - Message Version

Jimmy

I love the way wandered you way to me when we first met.
I love knowing that you knew who would loved you most.

I like it when you dreamed by my table side.
I like it when you ran halter skelter around the house trying to play.

I find you silly trying to sneak into the house, by squeezing through the grilles.
I find you absolutely sillier trying to sneak out of house, by squeezing through the gate!!

I hate it when you run out of the gates, you opportunist you!!
And you know how much I hate it when you evolved into the naughtiest, cheekiest monkey when you are out there.
I could just rambled on and on, on how you are so naughty, sigh..... 
Would you ever listen when I call you back home?

I love the sight of you peeping through the window, to find if anybody notices you.
I love the sight of you staring longingly up the stairs, to find me. And yes, I can read your mind. Out for walk you say?

I love the walks. We have such long years together. Thirteen! One third of my life.

Jimmy dear, I hate to have you go. 

But when you do go, do wag you tail, give your manja whine and enjoy being in your Maker's presence. Know that I have always loved you, you'll always be my precious lil monkey dog. I'll see you when I get there.

My be-love-ed.

Blossom

If you had follow me long enough, you'd prolly know by now that I do my reflections and resolutions for the year. 

I ask the Lord what is the word for me for this brand new year.

I've not quite gotten the meaning of it, but it was "Blossom".

I bought myself pretty lil' flowers, arranged it real beautifully, and yes, took a pic of it for reminder sake.

So cheers to 2013!

Looking forward to a blossoming new year~! Much love~!

Back to School

I started my studies recently. And. I am enjoying every single bit of it!

Reflecting, studying is so much different now compared to college days. When in class now, I totally understand what the lecturer lectured, I understand the issues, I understand the principles, I understand the theories, I understand! It is so different when in college, half the time the things I studied were studied for the sake of studying and the sake of passing.

My colleagues, whom many of them hold a Masters shared their experiences with me. One particular advice which holds true is, doing this Masters should be something that I enjoy; something that helps me grow; something that helps me learn new perspectives; a process of learning that is enjoyable.

Having been in two classes now, I totally agree with my colleague.

I am just reflecting again, it is so good to have the years of experiences behind me as I embark on this study.  I could relate the things that I am studying now to the experiences I have.

Being an adult student, maturity and confidence help too. It is just so different now that I am not shy or scared to ask questions.

So, just to let you know, I have just started my Masters in Special Education at Nottingham University, Semenyih.

It’s been goods far. ;)

If I Could,

If I could, I would make blue skies and puffy clouds everyday.
If I could, I would have milky ways as my roof.

If I could, I would want a room full of little puppies to play with.
If I could, I would soak in a bathtub full of chocolate.

If I could, I would roll down grassy hill coated with flowers.
If I could, I would jump into a pile of crisp brown leaves.

If I could, I would dress every tree with fairy lights and watch them glow.
If I could, I would collect rainbows in bottles and have it light up my room.

If I could, I would swing on the crescent moon and dream away.
If I could, I would twirl in the morning ray pretending I can dance.

If I could, I would fly on manta rays above the skies.
If I could, I would float on jelly fishes... boing...  boing... in the ocean.

If I could, I would.
If I could, I would have time stood still.

A letter to me.

Dear 20 years old me,

You will be turning 30 in a few months time. You'd think it'd be nice to write yourself a letter to the younger you, to let you know what or how you have grown or went through the 10 years. At this point in time, you'll be reflecting "Wow, 10 years have passed me by. That was how I lived my 20's"

I want to let you know you will live an exciting 20's live. You will enjoy life to the fullest, and you will actually realize your dreams sooner than you think! I would like you to dream even more, dream even greater and bigger dreams. Knowing you, your heart will still say the same thing, to work with the underprivileged. You will get there girl.

At 20, you are one year till you finish uni. It is your goal to graduate by 21 years old. To you, it is a respectable age to graduate. Like any other normal account students, your thoughts were "Okay, after I graduate, I will work in one of those Big Four firm", "Put on my corporate clothes, go into the city, work". Little did you know the short one month internship will change your mind forever, and you are glad that you did it. Good short experience, and you know that is not what you want to do in life.

As you were about to turn 20, you are also making one of the best decision in your life. You will decide to believe in Jesus. You know you've always wanted to since young, but you have a preconceived mind that prolly you'd be a Christian when you are a grandma, maybe when you are older, when your children are all grown up and you are just about ready to spend your last few days being a Christian. You know, at 20, that decision you made was really good, and I am proud of you! (You and granny became Chrstian!)

You belong to a young church called Acts. You'll meet many many many fun nice people, and now as you reflect, you'll realize that  you've been doing life together with them for 10 years!!! Oh my...

Through the 10 years, you'll see how the church have grown from 50 to about a thousand. Through the 10 years, you'll see the faithful ones still going strong, and also the whimsical ones falling away. Oh, I've got to warn you early, you suck at changes! Especially the unexpected and unwelcome ones in church. But I must applaud you for trying to accept and follow along, then you'll come to realization after a loooong time, who are you kidding? Just admit it, you suck at changes, and please be happy and accept that; that is how you are made. Don't worry too much about it, you'll learn to accept that part of you and others will learn that too. Please be happy at how God made you, don't change for the sake of pleasing people. You want to please God, change only because you are convicted it is good for you. Trust me it takes you a long time to realize that. Silly you!

Fresh out of uni at 21, while in transition, you tried short term jobs working in few places, cafe, gym.... Those were fun, met some fun colleagues, checked out cute guys, chit chat ourselves silly with the girls. You will even got a shouting from one of the member, but soon he'll realize it was his ego that was so inflated and you two made peace. I am so proud of you that you are always so calm. So very calm.....

Your so called serious job came as a accounts assistant. You won't believe this, but you actually dread going to work. You will think that your are gong crazy!!! It is the most mundane, boring, life wasting time of a job! Be prepared for it! I am glad you quit after a month. After 10 year, I believe the wood is still burried in the ground of the garden patch. I doubt you want to dig it up.

Dad will pass away when you are 22. Year or months leading to it were one of the challenging and turbulent times. Hmmm.... I don't know how shall I put it. Maybe I won't write it, but yea, let's just say you cope well in the time of loss. You don't know then, but your faithfulness counts. Whole heartedly. You do not have any regrets as you know you have treat him well. Amen!

At dad's wake, you will be caught by surprise, almost all of Acts will show up. You will feel kinda weird because almost all of them never meet him before. Hmmm... But I must say, girl, at that point, is when you experience church is a family, your extended family. Great news is that your own family will believe in Jesus, and yes, all of us my dear will be attending Acts.

You will still miss him once in a while. You will also wonder how things will be if he were still alive. Hmmm... Let's move on ya, and trust that God holds our life in His hands, and He knows best.

At 23, your ambition came true. Hahah.... Nobody knew about it, or more like, you wouldn't share it with anybody. Yup, that's the one. Whoa!! Hahaha... You get to meet the people in the industry, politicians and celebrities. You get a feel how that kind of life is like. It's a once in a lifetime experience, yea, it is a good experience and it will be kept that way. Hey, don't get too depressed when you don't win the title k. That kind of life is not for you or it's just not you. You called to something else and trust me, it is going to be a better story. So yea, be glad you realized your dream so fast! :)

At the event, you will have your first encounter with a little girl with autism. Autism? Yea, I know you have no idea what it is now. But don't worry, your heart and curiosity will help you discover so much more. .??!? Yup, you heard me right! Hehehe....

At 22-23 you will be working, helping out with accounts and cafe. It will be a good time of moulding characters, learning to relate to people and communicate. You will also be seeing some people 7days a week. At first you would think "How boring...", but it is quite the opposite. You will enjoy your days there. Hmmm... You will be meeting some interesting people. One whom will also be your closest buddy whom you can talk to.

Oh, I've got to let you know, you were really silly for not taking care of a cough. A cough? Yup, no more ice cream, ice blended and cool iced drinks when coughing ok? You will have pneumonia gal!! What?!! Yea, all the drama. But I must say, that will be a good ten days experience too. You'll get the much needed rest for your body, some good friends and family will come to visit. You will feel much loved.

One month after discharged, mom will bring you along on a holiday tour to Europe. It will the first time both of you going on holiday together. Just try to enjoy the places ok? Coz you never knew you would be there at such young age, at such early part of your life. Some people take a lifetime of saving to get there. You'll enjoy your one month there.

At 24, you will be searching and looking for your life's calling. Good thing you keep your journals, you will search your heart, you will search God. You don't know it then, but the puzzle pieces will come in bits a pieces, it will take a couple of years to see it. Let me warn you!! Mom won't be happy with your decision. Yes! In fact she will be furious at you.

She will think that you are mad!! Disobedient, senseless, wasting your time and youth away. Listen to me... Nah, you'll be strong anyway, because you ARE stubborn. Hahah. Don't worry, you will survive mom's wrath, but let me warn you. You will be crying a lot and a lot and a lot.... What the...? Will you keep going on? Let's just say God has made you with tenacity and perseverance to carry on.

Oh yea, you did doubted during those difficult times. The fiery fury furnace at home, the relentless journey to and back from work, the hopeless transport system, the haze, the storm, the fire, the life, the people at work... Will you give up? Yea, you will think of it so many times in giving up, throwing in the towel, just quit. And.... you just will not. Hate to tell you this, but yes you ARE a stubborn girl. And it is THIS stubbornness for the things you know deep down in your heart, the things that God had called for you to do, you stubbornly stuck on to it. You know very well, and very well you will know, these are what you are called to do. Just trust God ok?

Okay, all the drama aside, at 25 you will be settling into this new work. Never in your wildest dream will you know that you'll be teaching young children, (babies too!!) with special needs. Oh my, those lil kids!! You'll have so many stories to tell about them, you will reminisce the things they do, you will love them dearly, you will walk with them through life, oh yea, they are precious to you. You will blog so many times about them. You will also slowly see God's puzzle pieces coming into place. It's a much nicer picture than what you have in mind.

Nope you don't have a boyfriend. You think by now you would have because it's a natural progression of life. Lots of people will be surprised that you are still not attached, erm.... don't be surprised even at 29 you are still single? Hahah... Yes, don't worry!! You do like guys. Its just that he has not to come along, (or at least you think). The one that God has prepared for us. Or maybe he will come along, just that you missed him. Or maybe he is just there... Yea, that's what your thoughts will be playing about. What can I tell you....?

Well.... You do get anxious and stuff, that's the normal part being a girl. Hmmm..... Okay, maybe just a little advice. If I could go back in time to tell you, just be bold and speak what's on your mind in that ride k? Coz now you'll still be wondering about it. But yea, girls... You are a typical girl, girl.

Okay boys aside, at 26 life still carry on. Things got a little mundane, not much of a highlight here. But maybe you'll get to know people who are going through difficulties in life. As taboo as it sounds, mental health is a much neglected area in society. Just read up and be well informed, maybe change mindsets too. Don't be scared or worry about it ya, nah, you won't. You've got a soft heart, and that heart will get tougher.

At 27, you'll get an opportunity to develop a inclusive preschool programme. What's that?? Hmm... Lots of technicalities here, you'll be glad to be given this opportunity. You will mature and learn to let or handover this little baby project on to your colleague to work on the next phase. I am proud that you did not held it on to tightly. Trust that you've learn to let go.

Oh! I'll let you know a friend nominated you for an award. Huh?? An award?! You'll hear about it in a few years time, and yea you will also be in the running for it. My advice would be, just enjoy it. Don't get too stress up by the attentions, coz you will be!! Hahaha.... Anyways, you will get to share about your calling. Mom will finally have something to be glad about you. Okay, let me break it to you, you'll be appearing a few times on tv, radio, magazines, newspapers. Don't worry, none of it will go to your head! Hahahah.... But yea, please just enjoy the moment. Try not to run and hide so much. And yea, you still don't have time to make a scrap book out of it.

At about this time, mom will start to get a little weird. In fact, let me warn you, she will get very nasty with you. You will know there is something wrong, but just don't know what. You will prolly think that she is still angry with your choice of work, oh... You will get so stressed up. At home, at work, at church. I don't know how you will survived it. Maybe your heart will grow a little harder, maybe you will build up a wall, walls, maybe you will toughen up. Hmmm.... Try not too take some people's words or 'advice' too seriously. You will realize they too have issues in life, so yea, my advice will be, be with people who see you as how you are made and accept you for who you are. Stop trying to meet up to people's expectations coz it just won't work. It'll eat you up. You will grow really cold at times.

You will also find out mom has breast cancer. Gasps!! You say? Don't worry, mom is one of a kind. She is the new breed, she will breeze through the surgery, treatment and all. In fact she will even give counseling, awareness talks, bowling and only she knows what else she can get involved with. Can you tell her that she will be living her life to full purposes and potential?

At 28, you will get a chance to meet your "son"! Hehehe.... Yup, that precious boy. It's will be like a dream come true and it is a dream came true. You will go Lebanon, you will experience just a tiny bit of Jesus's time landscape, you will understand a bit clearer the mountain Jesus climbed on. About this "son", it will be a relationship that will enrich your life. Meeting him and the family was surreal. You will be so honored, I'll just let you experience the fullness of it when the time comes.

You will also be spending a few weeks in Australia, for holiday and for work. And yes, you will love your time there. In fact, you will be missing it! Hahaha....

At 29, I don't know how it happened, but yea get ready for a change. They gonna switch you to working with young adults with special needs. Don't worry it's also part of your own plan and desire to grow in the work. It is quite tough in the beginning, but you'll grow to love them. One tip, see them as school children, remember to keep your sense of humor. You seemed to have lost it when you first started working with them. But like the children, you will love them dearly.

Okay, one last bit before you turn 30, you will be visiting India! It probably never crossed your mind that you'll be staying in Mathini's house, meeting her children and husband. Quite a different change from her visiting Malaysia.

So there, I'm gonna end it here. Happy Birthday~! ^_^

Luv~ 

Random Thoughts 4

Being the last choice is fine, what is not fine is being the second choice. 

Don't tell lie, truth will always catch up on you.

When you cripple under stress, tell God about it then get some sleep.  

My Kids (In Grown Up Bodies!!!)

Just an update, the past two months I've been officially transferred to work with young adults with learning difficulties. Sorry for the long silence once again, work has been crazzzyyyyyy!! Was in the midst of transition and been buried in the loads of work to do!

So yea, yours truly survived and yes, things are a bit more sane now.

As I was saying... Yups, kids stuck in grown up bodies. They are a bunch of darlings. NOT!!!... I'm kidding, yes they are a bunch of darlings if you know how to appreciate each of their uniqueness.

Just like the kids that I used to teach, I do have some personal favorites among the young adults.

Let's call this guy "Jolly". I don't know whether to laugh or cry when teaching him. I think I chose to laugh. People who don't know him well will find him totally irritating and annoying. For example, in a span of an hour, he will come up to you at least 10 times asking where to eat lunch, or who to go out with. 

I used to get so annoyed by him, now I'm starting to look at it at the bright side. Let's have some fun. So the next time he asked who he is going lunch with, I'd said "Batman", "Superman". I love the look on his face, priceless~ Other irritating things he does will be disturbing his friends by hitting or smacking. Did I tell you he does not have any friends because of this??

Jolly is actually quite a sweet guy when he is not annoying and irritating. Just analyzing his behaviors, I've come to conclude and accept the fact that he is a two year old stuck in a 28 year old body. So yea, for the brain of two years old, what do you get?? The grown up version of terrible terrorizing 2 year old. -_-"

Then I have Mr Emo Ego. As the name spells it, yes he is da Emo witha big Ego~ I used to dread it ever so much handling his case. He was such a tough nut to crack, always coming up with schemes and plans to trick his mom and staff, threatening to jump of the building, threatening to cut himself, gallivanting somewhere else when he was supposed to be in the centre. Talking to him took a whole load of patience because the resistance and the ego was so strong. 

Should I mentioned that he once threw the chair on the floor when I confronted him and burst his lying bubble?? Yup, that's him..... Sheesh....

Anyways, good news! Good news! After a whole long year of battle, I have finally won over his trust, and guess what?? He now initiates talking to me. Reporting to me the mischieves some of the other young adults were doing. All I wanna say is "Praise the Lord!! We did not give up on him!"

One more good news~! Mr Big Arm has reconciled with his mom. I have mentioned about him in the older post. Both of them are in Africa now doing some voluntary work.

When I was working with children, generally I don't do much scolding or reprimanding. Because they are kids and they were still learning.

Coming to work with the adults, OH MY GOSH!!!.... NEVER have I reprimanded so much people before in my 6 years of being in this field than in these past two months!! Not that I like scolding to correcting, but some of their behaviors are just totally not acceptable as adults!!

I'm feeling like a mommy!! Having to correct and nag these fellows!! God help!!!

Few examples: sleeping at work, disturbing other fiends, tantrum like a four year old kid!! Pengsan~

I must say I have become quite good and skilled in scolding in loud voice now, and of course all these were done in the privacy of the office so as not to embarrass them in front of their friends.

It also takes so so much skill to build up that temper to scold and immediately cool down to a kind smile attending to the next client / parent / needs. Please pray that I will never lose my cool and always ALWAYS be clear headed and sensible. And never NEVER EVER do things or act out based on my own emotions and feelings; but let the wisdom and discernment of God to guide.

One more achievement, I have become very good in giving the dagger stares. It is a very effective useful skill in making sure the the centre doesn't turn into a circus. Hahah!

Anyways, its been a blessing working with these young adults. Just like the children, these people are such a funny bunch.

Let's Take A Walk

Happy New Year!!!

I asked the Lord what's the word for me this year. I think what I heard was "Stop running, take a walk." That sounded really good to me. Kinda like what I would like to hear.

Last year, I thought and was very certain that it was a year of rest. Take rest. Have rest.

Did I rested? Hmmm...... I wished I did, or maybe even longer. Yea, maybe I did.

Ahhhh..... Now I know what it meant as I now type the words.

Okay gal, you had your rest, now let's go for a stroll.

Christmas Greetings~!

Sorry about the loooong silence. I was stung by the busy bee and it was quite bad. Then I caught the procrastination bug and the symptoms are still lingering here and there in my system...

You won’t believe this but I had actually typed a blog entry for this month a week ago on my iPad. Erm… Unknowingly, I accidentally deleted the application and all my data in it were also deleted…Oopsy…. -_-“ Thank God I managed to email many of it over to my Gmail account when I updated it to iOS 5 a month back. There were some precious writings in there… haha…

Anyways, it’s the time of the year~! 10 days away to Christmas~!

And of course time of reflection…

I was just wondering what to write about? Maybe I’d start with what I’ve learnt this year.

Oh, in case you are wondering how my 2011 resolution went:

1. Put on weight – FAILED! I had three different people over the week who told me that I lost weight!! Boohoo! But no worries, I consulted a dietician friend; she said I should eat more carbs, so that’s just what I’ll do! And of course exercise my dear~

2. Get cooking – Well, I did cook here and there a bit. Oh, I’ve got a pasta dish which I created myself. =) Ahems~! It is da yummies~!

3. Be nice to people and smile – Why don’t you feedback to me how I’ve been doing? Cools?

Back to reflection, I’ve learnt some basic principles this year. It’s always been there, but learning it in a new way.

1. Share and ask – I learn that if you desire or want something, share about it with someone. Who knows, God uses other people to fulfill that desires and wants.

2. Get angry but don’t sin – Recently I learn that it’s okay to get angry. In fact, it showed so much that it is impossible not to see it. And it helped the other party to make amends. Something the Bible teaches which is so important. “Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.” Ephesians 4:26-27.

So dear friends, it is okay to be angry. But in your anger please do not sin; say or do stupid stuffs like getting into fights, using stupid words, you get what I mean don’t you? Reacting in anger will just get you into loads more of trouble, silly!

3. Seeing God in a new light – “So you should not be like cowering, fearful slaves. You should behave instead like God's very own children, adopted into his family -- calling him "Father, dear Father." Romans 8:15-23.

Reflecting on work, I am still surrounded by people with special needs and this time they are young adults. Every morning when we sit in circle for morning devotions, sometimes I caught myself pausing and still wondering in amazement. God, why did you make them so different?

Many of time, looking at them, (most of the time), I caught myself smiling. They are just such fun people to be with, to do live together and to invest time into. I am glad that there is so much more disability awareness theses days. So many people kinda make themselves little experts of disabilities like autism, even though they met people with autism only one time, they think they know it all… hmmm…..

Anyways, what I meant is, people are more aware now, and it kinda make things easier or maybe society easier to accept them. Recently we’ve got a boy with autism joining us in the children ministry. =) yay~! Would love to see him through life. Hmmm…

Oh, working with the adults with autism, let me introduce you to them one day okie? They are lovely, if not, fun to be with… Erm, they can be quite fun to teased. =P Shhhhh…..

Okays, funs at work aside, on serious note, yea, taken on more scope of work. Am involved in the adults’ work, which means it is life itself!!! Dealing with issues of life, finding job, BGR, self esteem, living skills, independence, etc…. So many heavy stuffs that I really have to depend on God, and sometimes cry to Him.

Before I end, here’s a special shout out to Chareessa~!! ;) Haloo~ Haloo~! =)

Guy O Guy~ Where art thou~~

Mom have been complaining that I'm spending too much time with the girls and my people. "How to find boyfriend~?!" she asked...

Hmmm..... It's not like I don't look around... But where to find such guy leh? -_-"

Looking at the basic requirements, it shouldn't be that hard....
1. He must love God.
2. He must love me.
3. He must love my people.

Added bonus.
He should love nature....

Bukan susah sangat kan?! Hmmm....

Actually not to forget, he also has to be tall, good looking, owns a car, can cook, eat what I cook, bake, run, loves children, enjoys rainbow, swim in waterfall, knows how to plant flowers, buy me flowers, can teach dog do tricks, plays musical instruments, able to sing like Alex Goot, good in craft, able to fix things around the house, can change light bulb, can change fluorescent light, can fix water tap, buy me ice creams, do headstand, do pushups with one finger, able to climb wall, can sweep, can mop, can sew button, can cook Thai food, can make jelly, can change car battery, can change car tyre, built his own house, enjoys stars at night, climbed mount Kinabalu, planning to climb Kilimanjaro, sponsors a world vision child, blood donor, respect women, respect mom and dad, respect elders, able to knit sweaters, do cross stitch, have clean finger nails, short hair, good sense of humor, dresses well, smells good, able to make decisions, good decisions, runs marathon, able to run up the stairs backwards, loves people, not judgmental, wise, clear headed, good sense, mature, can pluck coconut from tree, can climb coconut tree, loves the beach, enjoys stroll or walk in park, read the bible many times through, knows the bible inside out, apply the word of God in daily life, writes journals, writes me stuffs, oh compose me songs~!! hahaha.....

See ain't too hard to find ain't it....

Guy o guy.... Where art thou... ~~

My mommy waiting to meet you!

August

This month would mark my five years of working with people with special needs. Reflecting on it, at where I am today, I am still very much enjoying my work. And I really do love what I do. It bring so much joy and fulfillment, not forgetting the heartaches of challenges and difficulties.

Just a little update, I have moved on to working with young adults with special needs earlier this year. And last month, I was more actively involved in the work. Do I miss the children work?.... Erm, yes, I do, a little here and there. But I also desire to grow into other areas of working in this field of special needs. I now get to work with both age groups; children and young adults. :) and of course, their families.

The young adults that I am working with at the moment.... Are.... A bunch of interesting people. Really...... Interesting..... And that's what keeps me interested, I think.... Hahaha.....

Just a few stories to share.

Mr Adorable is one of my favorite among the lot. He is, as called, adorable. Hahaha. When he first came in, I thought he did not have speech. Later I found out, that he could actually talk! He just needed someone to input words, so that he could repeat, hence learning to talk sensibly instead of just signing (in which it was like a game of charade; where we would need to guess exactly what he was trying to communicate) or babbling. Once, I got him to say "hi!" I was just blown away. Why? Because he spoke it so loud and clear. So there, Mr Adorable, please do learn up on how to talk.

Mr Adorable is a very funny person too. Not because he was trying to be funny, but he was just being who he is. At a few occasions, he reminded me of Mr. Bean. Very cute, erm.... Hilarious antics actually.... Unlike Mr Bean, my lovely Mr Adorable is not obnoxious at all.

Mr Emo Ego is one of my favorite challenging lot. He had caused lots of drama since he came in few months ago, and lots of stakeholders were caught in his tangled web of manipulation. Why he did what he did? Hmm.... We figured that he was just testing how far he could go with his teasing of running away and some I won't mention here. Poor us and mom was repeatedly be fooled by him till we wise up to his tricks.

So there, with a stronger teamwork among us and mom, we had decided that we will not be fooled anymore and Mr Emo Ego will need to learn to be mature and take responsibilities for his own actions. I once had a talk with him, to helped him see the future, and the decisions he makes now will lead to the consequences in future. He is to decide which path he is to choose now. Change for better, or remain where he is and suffer the consequences of his immaturity. I am really hoping and praying the talk, care and counseling will bear good fruits in due time.

One thing to note about Mr Emo Ego, you have to earn his respect and trust before you can speak to him. ;) ahem!

Lastly Mr Big Arms. He is a newbie and it have been a challenging time to just help him. There are just so many issues and past to deal with; really praying for God's grace to heal and minister. On personal note, Mr Big Arms have been on my thoughts a lot; never would I thought I would be somewhat affected by him. So yea, have been praying, and believing for a breakthrough for him.

And, can we some more men in the special needs work?!! Sometimes, it's just easier for a guy to talk to guy.... -_-"

Oh... There are just so many of them that I meet and work with everyday. Each are so unique, interesting and funny and of course there were also annoying, irritating and childish ones. But hey, aren't we all like that too.... sometimes....?

I was just thinking.... Just wondering.... If I had worked in the field of what I have had my degree in...... I would have just missed it.

The experiences, the opportunities. And, may I be bold to say, the 'destiny' or 'calling'....? Hmm......

So, here's to a toast and hooray to the 5 years milestone! \(^o^)/ Hopefully, there are many more years to come.

I Choosed - Bersih 2.0

I went.

And so, I was there.

There have already been numerous accounts of people who wrote and shared their experience of the rally.

9 July 2011 - Bersih 2.0

A historical day indeed.

A day where I could not just watch. It was a day which highlighted, a matured caring Malaysia. And they marched the streets. For good reasons.

I am glad to have been part of the experience.

"The Police's presence were strong everywhere. Seemingly to protect peace and order. Undeniably, they can lie it to the ignorant, but those whose eyes are open and civilized, let's just say they were merely following orders.

We took the LRT to Masjid Jamek. On our way there we saw the empty streets of KL. Void of cars excepts red barricades, and men in uniforms. It was a sight to behold, and also a sight meant to intimidate.

We arrived at the station, hearing chants of the crowds outside. The shutters were down, seemingly to protect the people from the crowd. Little did they know that we wanted to join in the crowd.

Stepping out of the station, you can feel it in the air. The tension, the anxiety.... It wasn't coming from the crowd. Somehow I felt the vibes coming from the men in blue.

Sight of red FRU vehicles, countless of Policemen in lined formation. It looked almost like a national parade where people would have stood in awe seeing it passes by. Instead, when I saw it, I had this thing churning in my stomach that says "NO! I will not be intimidated."

We tried to find our away around to join in the rally. Like a mouse in a maze, we were just lost on the empty streets. We saw groups of people scattered on the streets; like us; wondering where to go. And nope, Google map on iPhone did not helped. (I shouldn't have thrown away my printed map!)

(I should interject at this point, 7Eleven was doing brisk business! Many people bought stuffs like they were going on picnic.)

Giving up, we made our way back to the station again. And then we heard it.... Shots were fired. Expectantly, I was calm. I mean, I would have guessed it would happen. I was prepared to hear shots going off.

As we arrived at the station, there we saw the FRU vehicles, the Police marching onwards. And so, the excitement began.

Little did we know then, we were still at the wrong side of the crowd...... Or maybe was it "right" for some reasons?

As we follow where they were heading, it lead us toward Menara Maybank. And then we saw it.

Just like what I've seen on videos; I am now seeing it LIVE!

Water canon spraying out blue chemicals. Tear gas being launched......

But what's all that?! Where and who? Where were the crowds?

Only much much later when videos and pictures started appearing on the internet, then I saw the magnitude of the crowd. It was a sight to behold.

Yes, we did get a whiff of the tear gas. Its hits the back of the throat, causing some irritation.

Did I tell you I was well prepared for the rally?

Yup! I took out my little towel and covered my nose. And yes, I did bring along a container of salt. (^_^)y

I must put it at this point, that I was irritated by my bro who just can't get his eyes and fingers off Twitter. Sheesshh! What's the whole point of coming to the rally then? Might as well just stay at home and had his eyes glued to the PC.

We made our way up to Menara Maybank just to have a glimpse of what was happening. Couldn't see much as the crowd has dispersed or may have retreated. Tree leaves and people were blocking my view.

After hanging around for a while, we kinda sense that it was time to go. And indeed it was time to go. A video I later viewed showed Policemen running like pack of hungry wolves, hungrily finding defenseless prey to devour.

We started making our way to the stadium. Walking along Chinatown, shops everywhere were closed. Except for some thoughtful vendors who kept their fruits and drinks stall open.

It started to rain, and it was kinda heavy. Friends started reading tweet updates. Reports of the various leaders were caught. And then... So what?

I like this phrase that I saw on one of the FB post.

"Even is you catch a thousand of our leaders, the people are still going to show up". And true enough to what Ambiga herself has said.

It was never about her. It was the people.

As the rain subsided, we walked towards the stadium. There were a small crowd there. Maybe a thousand?

I couldn't believe what I saw. And I thought, "Oh gosh! How cowardly is that?!"

The road leading to the stadium, (without the stadium even in sight!) had been barb-wired. Behind it was a line of Policemen and few metres back were the FRU vehicles, with water canon ready.

Oh gosh.... Why were they hiding behind barb-wire?!

Anyway, with the "high security" of barb-wire, there was no chances of getting anywhere near the stadium. So we just stood there while the crowd chanted.

"Bersih! Bersih! Hidup Bersih!"

We joined in the chants once in a while. The national laureate arrived a while later. He too failed to convinced the authority to allow us assemble peacefully in the stadium. Oh well....

(I've got to let you know, I did a lot of reading on guidelines of what to do and what not to do in a rally. Thanks to all who have kindly put the information in such a creative manner on the internet. One of the main things that I hang on to (besides the Legal Aide numbers) was to be aware of provocateur.)

Just a little rewind, back to the street along Masjid Jamek. I did not see how the man ended up with the Police, but clearly, it looked like he was just asking for trouble. He was wearing a Bersih t-shirt. I am very sure he does know the Police were ever so eager to arrest anybody wearing that. So yea, nobody bothered to intervene for him, just many cameramen clicking away.

This man ("hero") walked away chanting "Pilihanraya Bersih!", "Clean and fair election!"

Back to the stadium, there was no way of getting into it. I must say that I felt safe seeing the volunteers from Bar Council. They have my utmost respect for coming in suits and looking ever so professional. I was told by a friend that they were there as observers. I salute you guys for volunteering your service. That my friend, has showed me that there are Malaysian lawyers who cares.

Seeing that there was no way forward, suddenly someone in the crowd shouted angrily towards the Police. And this is the best part....

The crowd just calmly shushed the guy.

"Shhhh~!!"

How mature is that my friend?!

Oh, you guys really showed me the true spirit of the rally.

Honestly, all we wanted was a peaceful gathering to call for clean and fair election.

And that was what I saw.

People who instigated any violence or disruption was instantly shushed away!! LOL....

And then it was 4pm. That is it guys! We have made our point. And the rally is over. The crowd disperse in a disciplined manner when the time was up.

We walked our way towards KL Sentral. Little did we know the small groups of people became larger and larger and larger.

And soon, it became thousands of people marching down the street! How ironic was that?

And then so we marched. And then so we chanted.

"Bersih! Bersih! Hidup bersih!"

Fellow people who rallied, fellow Malaysians.

Thank you for the experience. That truly was one Malaysia to me."

So I ask myself again. Can I just watch?

No. I can't.

I have to be part of it.

Because I believe in it.

Because I know that it counts.

Do I Just Watch?

When the neighbor rallied for a change in their country, we witnessed the uprising among the people. There was much courage, much unity, each responded with their own personal conviction.

I wondered then, replacing myself in their shoes, what would I do? Do I just watch? Or do I be part of what that makes it count.

Then months later, the world witnessed the uprising of people in the Middle East. People from all walks of life unite themselves in solidarity, with much courage, with much boldness, each responded with their own personal convictions.

I wondered again, replacing myself in their shoes, what would I do? Do I just watch? Or do I be part of what that makes it count?

There are things that puzzled me the past few days...

1. Empty tins makes loud clanging sounds. It sounds so impressive but honestly dude, empty tins are empty. There is no substance inside.

2. Dreadful silence or maybe inaction, makes me wonder... What ever happened to all those things that we supposedly stand for? Or should I say cheered triumphantly when times were peaceful... Is the cheer still ringing now?

3. Now that it is needed, is it okay to go beyond our four walls of comfort? Beyond our boundaries of what is 'safe'? Despite the disgusting intimidation that is going on, would we be a part of what that makes it count?

Self check: What is my personal conviction?

My mom once said, when I believe in something that is right; I am quite set on it. And it is really (Really) quite hard to change my mind on it.

On personal note, I know that to be true. And honestly, believing in something that is right, should also equate to doing what is right.

So, in the coming days, let's be mature. Let's not judge one or the other because of what is or what is not.



It is in support of Clean and Fair Election that I wrote this post. http://bersih.org/

Note: Not a fan of violence, not a fan of 'trend', not a fan of being labeled, not a fan of provocation, not whatever you wanna call it.

Ending this post with this scripture.

Micah 6:8 "He has shown you, O man, what is good, And what does the Lord require of you. But to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God".

So, do I just watch?

Half Baked and Soft Boiled

Of being half baked and soft boiled.

Soft boiled eggs are yummy and I love having it for breakfast! With soya sauce and pepper, toast at the side and good ol' tea. It's lovely~!!

Half baked cakes are yucky... It just simply means that it is not baked enough, and it should have been in the oven longer.

Being called half bake is not nice. Well, at least that's what I've learnt. It means that you are not ready or not done.

Being called soft boiled....? Well, I've never heard of it. :p

Chapter Three!!

Earlier this year, I began to interact more with young adults with learning difficulties at my work place.

As much as I love working with children with special needs, I also like to explore new areas of work and now, it is with these young adults.

Just a brief history, when I first started in this work 5 years ago, working with young adults with special needs is the last thing on my mind. Or should I say, never would I say yes to it! Reason being very simple, I was SCARED of them!!! =O

Some of them are bigger than me, older than me, stronger than me, what if they have behavior problems, and start tantrum like the kids?!! I'd be a goner......

Anyways, yea... Those were my fears. hehehe....

Okays, in the months passed, like what I've written earlier, I began more frequent interaction with them. Learning the way they communicate, learning to listen to them, learning to see their strength, learning to help overcome their weakness. Do you know when you give time and chance to learn something, you will slowly start loving it?

So there, just a little update, Chapter Three has begun at work~!

I'm moving into working with young adults, while still being involved in children work. What this new task entails, in short summary, is to help these young adults gain employment and to support them at work. This new work for me is kinda exciting and cool~! Not to mention, it can also get really dreaded boring at times.

Just to share what has happened in the recent days. My colleague and I had the opportunity to bring a team of our trainees (young adults) out to job placement training. I must say and congratulate this team. Some shined beyond our expectation and I am just so proud at what they could achieve, especially when given the opportunity and the support needed.

Through this experience, I just want to say, lets move beyond "Charity Mindset". We don't need the charity of employers or for them take our trainees as charity work. We are not asking for handouts.

Lets embrace us "Rights Based Mindset" can we? Are you able to see the economic potential of our trainees? Given the opportunity and support, I must say they are as valuable as any person that you invest your money and time into.

Here's a true story for you.

Random Thoughts 3

You can only learn new things when your heart is open and it remains humble.


With every bricks thrown at you, use it to a build house.


If you fall, pick yourself up and walk.

Jabber HwAT?!!

An article on Autism in the local newspaper caught my attention recently. Reading it, I was curious about who these two guys were. So, the curious little me, I checked them out on the official website of Wretches & Jabberers. And I am so glad I did.

Trying to organize my thoughts and putting it into word.

Reading and watching their video online has created a new awareness and insight to Autism for me. It gives fresh hope, it gives fresh perspective, it gives fresh outlook.

It just convicts and reminds me once again not to ever dismiss the children who are seemingly too "severe" to be helped.

Looking at Tracy and Larry.... Oh my..... These two guys are simply just what I needed; to give me a slap on my face and not to give up hope on the little boy whom I was struggling to teach.

I was also embarrassed when one of them mentioned "Stop getting us to point at pictures. Help us to communicate". Do you know just how challenging it is to teach a young kid with Autism?!! A "severe" one I must say!!

It was such a challenge trying to understand why he does what he does. It was such a challenge that he wasn't "looking". It was such a challenge that he wasn't "talking". It was such a challenge that he does not "understand". It was such a challenge not seeing the desired results. Sometimes, I just wonder if it would ever work.....

At 5 years old, I believe he is taking it all in.

One day.... Just that one day.

I am praying and looking forward, I know he will break through.

For the record, it is in my own personal conviction that I will never ever, EVER dismiss a person with disability as beyond hope. It is just a matter of opportunity. Do I have what it takes to embrace them in my world?

Watching the short snippets of Wretches and Jabberers, here are my thoughts on it:-

1. I thank Tracy and Larry. These guys taught me why they have those weird actions and behaviours. I now understand the children better. At my work, I get asked a lot why these children behave the way they do. Now, I can just ask those people who asked to view their video on YouTube. =)

2. These guys taught me to change my attitudes about disability and intelligence. With the kids that I am working with, they bring such joy, though at times I struggle and wonder what goes on in their head. Thank you for showing me that there is intelligence in these kids. I always know that it is in there; somewhere; but I got to confess it doesn't show in their appearance. I thank Tracy and Larry that they still have that very distinct Autistic traits, even now as an adult, and I like it very much. It brings much comfort and naughtily, amusement to me in a good way.

I've got a feeling that we are looking towards a brighter future and exciting breakthroughs for children with Autism. And I am loving technology for the good it does in helping these children to communicate.

Just by being who they are, Tracy and Larry; their advocacy and global mission to change attitudes about disability and intelligence, I salute them for their effort. I salute their team of dedicated people. Keep up the good work guys~! Cheering you on!!