She could have easily lost it, the things that she treasured most, to dwell in the house of her Lord, to do the things that were placed in her path for her to do, to answer her call.
Reflecting… she found herself cornered. It was very strange; she suddenly understood the meaning of no where else to turn to but God. The image of a wide eyed cartoon cat with wet fur, sticking out of the body came to mind, back up to the corner of the wall. It looked funny, but she knew the meaning of it, she had no where else to turn to but God. She had to look up.
Through the many months of things that happened, the good and awesome and the not so good and not so awesome, she wants to do some stock check. She wants to know that she is going on the right path. She finally takes her time and reflect…… she asks, is she in she in her calling.
In the earlier months, she struggled and she struggled a lot. She thought God had abandoned her… which were silly thoughts but very true at the moment of time. Worst was thinking that she made a mistake and God was being really silent on her. All she could hear and see were the curses and not so flowery scenes.
But as she reflects…. She thank God for the grace and perseverance that somehow carried her through. Somehow she was determined to pull through and not let her God’s name be put to shame. If He had called her to do the work, surely He will have to be there for her. He had called her, so He had to better really be there for her. And so she pressed on; determined not to let anything pull her down, but to look unto God.
It is so easy to say and write about it, but when it hits you, it’s really when your faith is tested. So, what are you going to do when you experience the direct hits and hurdles? When things don’t go the way you expected it to go. When you are stretched, twisted, pulled, molded and still believing that it is for the good. When you can only look and ask why must you go through these. Seriously….what are you going to do?
Cry? Complain? Pity me? Reflecting on it, she smiles and laugh of the different struggles she went through. She did cried, she did complained, she did wallow in self pity, she did thought of “why bother, just give up”. Hahah… hard times…. She smiles ‘coz she knows she had overcome. She smiles ‘coz she know God had sustained her. She smiles ‘coz she knew of people who would encourage her.
Does she think that she has really overcome all hits and hurdles? No way! More is yet to come! Does she looks forward to it?.... No she doesn’t…. pain is a nuisance that she would rather not face. But yea, she would go through tough times willingly ‘coz she knows that’s where she needs God most and that’s where He receives all glory. So, bring it on!
Anyway, she wants to take stock. So, time has passed, things have learnt. Dreams are dreamt, visions are seen, desires have grown, and passion had spread, she stops and see… if this was what she was called to do?
Still on a journey of discovery, maybe this was what she is called to do. She prays that God would keep her heart humble and open to His calling. She prays for a learning heart, and not thinking that she has arrived. Hahaha…. But has just beginning to run the race, the course that was set for her…. Maybe this is her journey and her calling; maybe this is what was set out for her to do. Maybe….
She wonders….. many years from now on….. would she be found faithful, would she still be on track, where would she arrived to…..she wonders…..
She prays and keeps this in her heart…. The one thing she asks and desires most, is that she may dwell in the house of her Lord, all of her days.
