If I Were

If I were a butterfly, I'd be purple, pink and blue
If I were a cloud, I'd be white and puffy against the blue sky
If I were the sky, I'd be orangey, purple with tinge of pink
If I were a rainbow, I'd like to be a full circle like a halo.



If I were flowers, I'd be colourful chrysanthemums
If I were a tree, I'd want to have lots of branches and vines that children can climb
If I were the grass, I'd want to be soft and fully green
If I were a fruit, maybe coconut will do.



If I were a book, I'd want to have volumes after volumes of wholesome stories
If I were a rollercoaster, I'd want to have loops and drops and curves that makes people scream their lungs out and their heart droped
If I were a house, I'd want it cozy, inviting, warm and soft
If I were a journal, I'd let the pen write whatever it wants



If I could fly, I'd be zipping in and out of the clouds with the birds
If I could hold my breath, I'd be diving into the vast ocean with corals, fishes and dolphins
If I could teleport, I'd be at the waterfalls and next the beaches and next the mountains and next the lake
If I could go back in time, I'd be rewriting history.



If I was anything I want to be, I'd be anything I want to be
Isn't it fun to revisit imaginations
Childhood that was forgotten somewhere
Midst of changing times.

Handsome Young Man

I was awaken by a sudden kick at my foot. I looked up to see a tall handsome young man sitting right in front of me. I was a little annoyed when he did not acknowledge to say sorry. He seemed to be oblivious and settled into his seat. Annoyed i went back to sleep again....

A few stations later, people started coming in. I started noticing this man in front of me. He has very nice features, fair skin, a little rosy cheek and muscular built. He is quite good looking. =)

While looking and observing him, i started noticing some strangely familiar things about him. Somehow his movements, the way he looked at things around him, the way he moved his head, the way he listened, the way he wore his bag, the way the wore his trousers..... they were so familiar.....

They reminded me of one of my children.

Having that thought in mind, gosh, he really did have some same behaviour as the child!

The way he looked at things, the way he tries to identify where the sounds were coming from. The way the turned his head and looked around to the window. The way he sniffed the air and lacking social skills, sniffed the guy next to him. The way he holds the hand rail and again lacking social skills, his hand went way beyond to the other person's seats. The way he stands up, and started hanging both his hand on the hand rail. And he started making some grunting sound. Hehehe..... I found it amusing. It was my first time seeing a full grown adult, a man, with similar behaviour of this child.

Looking at his actions, i had a feeling that this good looking man might or prolly have some special needs. Autism maybe? And true enough, i saw him wearing a special LRT pass card for OKU. =)

In that short little experience, i noticed how the girls around him started keeping a distance from him, some moved away. Some gave a wide eye, worried, scared look. Some smiled politely, knowing something is different about this guy.

I never knew which station this guy got off. But i do wonder, what happened throughout the rest of the ride. It might have been interesting. =)

Maybe, i'll just bump into him again...... ;D

My Favourite Stories

Its been two years working with the children. I was just thinking about the lifes that i came in contact with and reflecting the wonderful changes and progress that they have made. These are the stories that i love to tell.

My children.

I love this girl. She is just so funny. Cheeky most of the time, and when she laughs, she has the most enjoyable hearty laugh which adults don't have. I remembered when i first saw her two years ago, she was on all four, at four years old. It was weird seeing her crawling to get about and very fast at it. I remember the teachers doing lots of knee bending exercises with her and it paid off! She is walking today! Last week she rote counted 1 to 6 and that was the best i have ever heard so far. She finally opened her golden mouth to count for the reward of blowing 6 candles! And she has just turned six last weekend. =)

This boy used to be a terror, he still is sometimes to the newbies. Hehehe..... i used to dread being assigned to teach him as he used to come into the centre crying till he gets out an hour later. I described him as a whirlwind of ferocious tornado storm that whirls around the centre drowning all senses till he gets out. It used to be a wrestle getting him to sit on chair to do task, it will be a great success even to get him to sit for 30 seconds without having your hair ripped off. Hehehe... i love this boy! Terror that he used to be, he still is sometimes today. But because we have grown to know him, its funny and frustrating sometimes to see him whine and cry at the certain tasks presented to him. Anyways, i'm proud to say today he is reading sentences, learning to write, can count quantities and match to numerals. Amazing for a boy who has short attention span. He has the mischevious twinkle in his eyes.

This handsome boy came in with little speech and i remember he was a bundle of energy. Everywhere he went was run, run, run. Hehehe... like a bolt of lightning. He also had a wriggly butt which couldn't sit still and has to be on the move. =P Despite his hyperactivity, he learns very fast. He can do problem solving mathematics now. And mid this year, he was the top of his class at kindy!!! How cool is that for a child with special needs?!

Its funny when i think of it. The things that we celebrate and are so happy about are the simplest littlest thing, but a great feat for our children.

We make a big deal to praise them when they could go toilet by themselve. We make a big deal to praise them when they could drink using a cup. We make a big deal to praise them when they could walk. We make a big deal to praise them when they could read, write and count. We make a big deal to praise them when they could request for play. We make a big deal to praise them when they could sit and wait. We make a big deal to praise and encourage them doing the right stuffs. It is an academy award at every small little success!

With so much time and energy invested into teaching these little ones, my prayer is to see them being accepted as part of a community.

You Are Special - Max Lucado

I stumbled upon this children story book by Max Lucado at my workplace. I love what i read. It is a simple heart warming story and little reminder to me of God's love. "Because you're mine. That's why you matter to me."

You Are Special – Max Lucado

The Wemmicks were small wooden people. Each of the wooden people was carved by a woodworker named Eli. His workshop sat on a hill overlooking their village. Every Wemmick was different. Some had big noses, others had large eyes. Some were tall and others were short. Some wore hats, others wore coats. But all were made by the same carver and all lived in the village. And all day, every day, the Wemmicks did the same thing: They gave each other stickers. Each Wemmick had a box of golden star stickers and a box of gray dot stickers. Up and down the streets all over the city, people could be seen sticking stars or dots on one another.

The pretty ones, those with smooth wood and fine paint, always got stars. But if the wood was rough or the paint chipped, the Wemmicks gave dots. The talented ones got stars too. Some could lift big sticks high above their heads or jump over tall boxes. Still others knew big words or could sing very pretty songs. Everyone gave them stars.

Some Wemmicks had stars all over them! Every time they got a star it made them feel so good that they did something else and got another star. Others, though, could do little. They got dots.

Punchinello was one of these. He tried to jump high like the others, but he always fell. And when he fell, the others would gather around and give him dots.

Sometimes when he fell, it would scar his wood, so the people would give him more dots. He would try to explain why he fell and say something silly, and the Wemmicks would give him more dots. After a while he had so many dots that he didn't want to go outside. He was afraid he would do something dumb such as forget his hat or step in the water, and then people would give him another dot. In fact, he had so many gray dots that some people would come up and give him one without reason. "He deserves lots of dots," the wooden people would agree with one another. "He's not a good wooden person."

After a while Punchinello believed them. "I'm not a good Wemmick," he would say. The few times he went outside, he hung around other Wemmicks who had a lot of dots. He felt better around them.

One day he met a Wemmick who was unlike any he'd ever met. She had no dots or stars. She was just wooden. Her name was Lucia. It wasn't that people didn't try to give her stickers; it's just that the stickers didn't stick. Some admired Lucia for having no dots, so they would run up and give her a star. But it would fall off. Some would look down on her for having no stars, so they would give her a dot. But it wouldn't stay either. 'That's the way I want to be,'thought Punchinello. 'I don't want anyone's marks.' So he asked the stickerless Wemmick how she did it. "It's easy," Lucia replied. "every day I go see Eli."

"Eli?" "Yes, Eli. The woodcarver. I sit in the workshop with him." "Why?" "Why don't you find out for yourself? Go up the hill. He's there."

And with that the Wemmick with no marks turned and skipped away. "But he won't want to see me!" Punchinello cried out. Lucia didn't hear. So Punchinello went home. He sat near a window and watched the wooden people as they scurried around giving each other stars and dots. "It's not right," he muttered to himself. And he resolved to go see Eli. He walked up the narrow path to the top of the hill and stepped into the big shop. His wooden eyes widened at the size of everything. The stool was as tall as he was. He had to stretch on his tiptoes to see the top of the workbench. A hammer was as long as his arm. Punchinello swallowed hard. "I'm not staying here!" and he turned to leave. Then he heard his name.

"Punchinello?" The voice was deep and strong. Punchinello stopped. "Punchinello! How good to see you. Come and let me have a look at you." Punchinello turned slowly and looked at the large bearded craftsman. "You know my name?" the little Wemmick asked.

"Of course I do. I made you." Eli stooped down and picked him up and set him on the bench. "Hmm," the maker spoke thoughtfully as he inspected the gray circles. "Looks like you've been given some bad marks." "I didn't mean to, Eli. I really tried hard." "Oh, you don't have to defend yourself to me, child. I don't care what the other Wemmicks think." "You don't?"

No, and you shouldn't either. Who are they to give stars or dots?
They're Wemmicks just like you. What they think doesn't matter, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special."
Punchinello laughed. "Me, special? Why? I can't walk fast. I can't jump. My paint is peeling. Why do I matter to you?"

Eli looked at Punchinello, put his hands on those small wooden shoulders, and spoke very slowly. "Because you're mine. That's why you matter to me."
Punchinello had never had anyone look at him like this--much less his maker. He didn't know what to say.

"Every day I've been hoping you'd come," Eli explained.
"I came because I met someone who had no marks."
"I know. She told me about you."
"Why don't the stickers stay on her?"
"Because she has decided that what I think is more important than what they think. The stickers only stick if you let them."

"What?"
"The stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust my love, the less you care about the stickers."
"I'm not sure I understand."

"You will, but it will take time. You've got a lot of marks. For now, just come to see me every day and let me remind you how much I care." Eli lifted Punchinello off the bench and set him on the ground. "Remember," Eli said as the Wemmick walked out the door. "You are special because I made you. And I don't make mistakes."

Punchinello didn't stop, but in his heart he thought, "I think he really means it."
And when he did, a dot fell to the ground.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Scj3A1cLVzY

Love at work

Over the weekend, i had a chance to spend time with my colleagues just resting and being away from everyday's busyness. It was nice having the free time and just doing things that we like or enjoy doing. It was nice being taken care of and not having to worry about what's next on the agenda. It was nice having that break out of routine. It was refreshing.

In that break, i also saw a glimpse of love.

I noticed this guy. Instantly i knew he was different. His father was with him and i tried not to stare. Then i met his mother. She turns out to be the volunteer who live in the home while the caretaker have her Saturday off. From the short conversation with her, i think she's a nice lady. Giving up your weekend to volunteer taking care of a home is sure something nice somebody nice would do.

I asked how old is her son. She said 29. I did not asked much about him then. I think it would have been awkward.

In the afternoon, I saw the father guiding his son at the porch of the house. I don't know what were they doing, prolly having a walk. It was funny tho to see his arm being straight binded. =)

Anyway, night time came. While my collegues and i were busy eating and barbecuing, i saw love at work.

For that brief moment, it was a touching sight to behold. It reminds me of an unconditional love. A love that does not matter what happens or happened.

I saw the father feeding his child of 29 years........just for that brief moment..... i saw love at work.

I try to think what is it like, having to take care of the basic needs of your own child. I know of a four year old who could dressed herself. And of course, the other four year old who could eat his own biscuit. This 29 year old guy, he had to be even prompted and assisted to hold his own cup. So, can you imagine? Caring for the basic need of your child for 29 years? Feeding? Clothing? Toileting? How do they do it?

I'm guessing it is the unconditional love, a love that does not matter what happens or happened, it will always be there to love.

I saw love at work. A father's love to his child.

Alex's Party

I am blessed! I am so blessed by the joy that a child can give. By the joy of seeing prayers answered. By the joy of seeing dreams coming into fulfillment. I am so blessed by seeing God's will being fulfilled in His own time. I am so blessed.

It is a joy of knowing that you are in His will and calling, and seeing the promises and purposes coming to pass before your very eyes. I am blessed!

This child came to the party today. And I praise God! I am overjoyed! It is really something that I am so happy about that I doubt any of the other teachers could understand. It was heartwarming seeing him blend into the crowd of children. It was heartwarming seeing his peers helping him. It was heartwarming seeing how people reacted to his 'different' funny antics. It was heartwarming just seeing him being whom God has created Him to be.

People who may not know me, I work fulltime with children. They are the only motivation that make me travel 3 crazy hours a day to work, even though I hate being packed up like sardines in the trains. I must say, my rewards really comes from the satisfaction of serving these children and seeing their life being transformed. It is trully amazing to see God in these little ones.

It is coming to two years now. I remember I used to wonder, why God did You created them? Which part of You is in them Lord?

Recently I just realized these verses....

Jesus heals a man born blind.

John 9:2 “Teacher”, his disciples asked Him. “why was this man born blind?” was it a result of his own sins or those of his parents?”

John 9:3 “It was not because of his sins or his parent's sins” Jesus answered “He was born blind so the power of God could be seen in him”

So that the power of God could be seen in him.......

I realized that these people really need God, and that His power really could be seen in them. Really, really, really....... so the power of God could be seen in them...... the power of God in the 'weak'.... it is awesome.

There are a few people whom i am inspired by and really their life do reflect what is written in the scriptures.

1 Corinth 1:27 “Instead, God deliberately chose things the world consider foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose those who are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important, so that no one can boast in the presence of God.”

1 Corinth 1:31 “The person who wishes to boast, should boast only of what the Lord has done. “

Who would have thought that someone who is quadriplegic in a wheelchair, unable to use her hands could be used by God to travel so many parts of the world to share her life stories, to preach and to advocate. Who would have thought that someone born without hands and legs could be used by God to inspire and to motivate school children, touching and changing their lives. Who would have thought that someone who is made disabled by a sickness could be used by God to start social works to serve the poor and needy. Who would have thought?

These 3 life are of real people. Real people whom I am inspired by and sometimes in awe and in wonder of the mysteries of God. God can use anyone, just about anyone who is willing.

I believe the children whom i serve, God can use them. So many times their life have touched and blessed me to see the wonders and goodness of God. I have read and hear of so many testimonies and stories of parents whom if they have an option, they would still choose to have their child with special needs in their life. They can't think of how life could be any better without their special needs child.

I am blessed. I can't think of how my life would have been any better without having to meet and serve these children. Trully i am blessed!

http://www.joniandfriends.org

http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org

http://www.wongkimkong.com

Caged and Bound

Caged and bound.

Is this how life is going to be? All that he knows?

The headlines of a local Malay Daily caught my eyes today, it brought me to a stop from the morning madness. It has a picture of a boy and the title reads “Sebelas tahun kena kurung” - “Eleven years being caged”.

I looked at it, I felt the urge to shout the importance to create awareness of people with special needs and how much more important it is to help the families involved.

Reading the boy's story, i know things can change for better. It can change for better when people do not fear. It can change for better when people are aware and knowledgeable about it. It can change for better when people take an interest and have the know hows. It can change for better when people can see the hope and potential to the things they can do. It can change for better, i know it can change for better.

Reading story like this, it always brings me back to the visit of a welfare home in a distant small town. I was very very new in this work then, it shocked me to see people in cages. I couldn't believe that such thing exist in Malaysia. There were cluster of people in different confined area with grilled gates, in another room three young men were in their individual 'cells'. It wasn't really big, prolly four feet wide, and six feet long. I remember thinking a rotteweiler or bull mastiffs would fit nicely into the cage. That was when i realized, i forgot the faces i was looking at were human. Human.

Another shelther home that i visited was none the less depressing. Not only did i saw children tied to chairs, but also pillars within its compound. I remember giving a child a hug, he was tied to the pillar upright, eyes bright, hands which held mine tight, beneath the 'look' i knew he craved to be loved. I wished I could do more, I knew there has to be a better way.

You know how sometimes you hear sermons of making a change for better? How sometimes you are challenged to change for better be it in your own life or another person's life? Being the blessing, knowing that what you give can never be returned? Want to make a change? Come be a direct change agent for children with special needs. How much you sow in today not only influence the child for better, but also the parents, siblings, relatives, neighbours, friends, and the whole community. Best of all, it changes you.

Where i work, i realized it is important to encourage, educate, empower and put in the right tools for parents to care for their children with special need. A home is where these children belong to, with their parents. They deserve every right to be loved and cared for by their parents. It always encourages me when i see parents working diligently with their children, and the success stories of how their children are learning and making progress from strength to strength.

Back to the welfare homes, those children were in that conditions because their care-takers did not know how to handle them. They only knew that the children were too dangerous to be let loose, for fear that they might hurt themselve or other people. They may bite, hit, scratch, kick or stranggle. The boy's parent too have the same fears.

Now for a short moment..... just try to imagine...... i open my eyes.... i see the bars..... its right in front of my face again. I try to move, something stoped me at my waist, at my wrist. I look out. I paced around in my confined area. I look out, i shout just so somebody could hear me to give me some response. I try banging the cage, maybe it'll come loose. I gnawed at the clothe at my waist and my wrist, its giving me itches and i hate it turning red. I try screaming maybe somebody will hear me. I paced around again..... i lay down. I look out again, i shout again just so somebody could hear me and give me some response. I try banging the cage again, maybe it'll come loose. I gnawed again at the clothe at my waist and my wrist, its giving me itches again and i hate it turning redder. I try screaming again maybe somebody will hear me.I paced around again and again..... i lay down again. I look out again and again, i shout again and again just so somebody could hear me and give me some response. I try banging the cage again and again, maybe it'll come loose. I gnawed again and again at the clothe at my waist and my wrist, its giving me itches again and again and i hate it turning redder again and again. I try screaming again and again maybe somebody will hear me....... day in, day out, sun rise sun set, day in day out, sun rise, sun set, day in day out, sun rise sun set, day in day out sun rise sun set, day in say out sun rise sun set........364 days, and many more years to come.....i open my eyes.... i see the bars..... its right in front of my face again. I try to move, something stoped me at my waist, at my wrist. I look out. I paced around in my confined area. I look out, i shout just so somebody could hear me to give me some response. I try banging the cage, maybe it'll come loose. I gnawed at the clothe at my waist and my wrist, its giving me itches and i hate it turning red. I try screaming maybe somebody will hear me. I paced around again..... i lay down.

Can you imagine?..... how did it feel like? Wanna break free? I was just trying to imagine what could it been like being in the boy's shoe. What i wrote was just a fiction.

To the boy's story, here's what the dad say “Jika dia keluar rumah, dia akan lari jika lihat kami mahu mendapatkannya”. Now imagine you are the boy. Wouldn't you wanna break free?

I believe there is a better way. I believe when people are educated about special needs, living in cages will be things of the past. Parents play an extremely important role in caring and upbringing of their children with special need. They are however not to be alone in this important task, we the member of society ought to encourage and cheer them on. With the right heart, the right mind set, the right attitude, and the right tools, all things are possible. There is no mountain too high to climb. The climb may be hard and tough, but once you reach the peak and enjoying the scenery, you know all of the challenges were worth every bit.

I believe caged and bound will be changed to free and living to the fullest!

http://www.hmetro.com.my/Thursday/BeritaUtama/20080417092455/Article

http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/4/17/nation/20977266&

The Street

I was at the bank last night wanting to withdraw some money. There i saw a man, sleeping on the five-foot way, faced down to the floor. Packets of tissue were in front of him, little plastic bag of belongings beside him, prosthetic leg stood at the side, crutches proped to the wall, and packet of rice at the side. I looked at him.....

Have you ever wonder why are there people living in the streets?

When i was younger, once in a while, i would drop some coins or notes into a begger's cup. Be it old, crippled, blind, mother and child and so on.... that was out of sympathy that i did it. Sympathy.

Then came a time, where i had empathy. Trying to think what it'd be like to be in their shoes.

Few years ago i joined some friends to street feeding programme in the city. The people that i saw there were of varied kinds. Some were like my grandma's age, some middle age, and some young ones, prolly around my age. They would come every saturday for the free food given out, medical care and the fellowship. As i helped to hand out the food, i remember feeling sad. I was sad at the young people that i saw. I was thinking what in the world were the young people living in street?! Don't they feel ashamed that i had to hand out food to them?! They have hands and feets which could work!

Few years ago, the media started covering stories on 'beggers' living in the streets. One reporter even went undercover, pretended to be a begger. If i remembered correctly, he collected quite a sum of money from begging generous Malaysians. Then there were stories where they were controlled by syndicates who forced them into begging. There were also real stories where these people are drug addicts.

Few years ago, i would have easily sympathize and empathize. Yesterday, i was angry.....i was angry seeing a man sleeping in the streets of Subang!

While withdrawing money, i was thinking and asking God what should i do. I could have harden my heart and think that that guy sleeping in the street prolly earned more than me milking money out of generous Malaysians. I got into the car, still asking God if i should do anything. I really wanted to have driven home.

Jesus said when you do unto the least of these, you are doing unto me. Sometimes its hard to wrestle with convictions so i made a turn back to the man.

I went to him. He was asleep, i had to wake him up. He jumped and sat up straight when i said i wanted to buy tissue. I asked him why was he sleeping in the street. I asked him to go home. I asked him if he has eaten. I asked him to go home. I asked him to get help from welfare department. I asked him to go home. I asked him not to sleep on the five-foot way. I asked him to go home.

He told me he hasn't been home in 10 years. Used to stay in Sunway, brother kicked him out of house. Have been living in the street for 10 years. People shoos him away and scolds him. He has eaten dinner. He hasn't been home for 10 years.

Throughout that few minutes, i dunno what went through his head. I told him i've seen him before few years ealier sleeping on the street. Never had the guts then to confront, yesterday i was just angry to see him still sleeping in the street. I told him to go home. I told him to go home. I just told him to go home. Sigh! He had alcohol breathe.

I find it really ironic, Subang a highly developed residential and commercial area, also an education hub. People here are mostly educated, living in the middle income bracket. And yet, there are still people living in the street!

When he realized that i wasn't sympathizing with his sob story, and that i was serious about him going back home, he wanted to give me change for the purchase of the tissue paper. I told him to go home.

As i was driving home, i was just thinking and asking what would Jesus do?

Adulthood

When do you start to realize that you are an adult? A grown up?

Late last year i was reminising my school days a lot. I miss those carefree Convent days a lot. I had pangs of nostalgia, i had wanted to live in those moments again. The days of going to tuitions with friends, staying back at school, doing different projects, having different parties and going for inter school events. Those days were fun! We'd chatted, giggled, poked fun, talked about future, checking out guys. Sometimes we fought, cried, get petty.... i miss those days!

You know how when you are in school, some adults will tell you that it is the best day of your life? I had one uncle telling me that, even the Lat's comic says so! But when you are at school, you'd think they must be joking when they say “student days” are the best. Who would ever says being a student, having exams and test and homeworks are the best days of their life? I thought it was a joke at that time. These grown ups don't know what they are talking about.

Anyway, coming to the present time... next year will be the 10^th year i've graduated from high school. I never really realized i'll come to this day, coming to reflect the milestone of it.

Journey out of high school was not easy, in fact it was really challeging. Lots of things changed. I'm no longer in Muar, my friends are all scattered living and pursuing their own lifes. College days, tho i had good times with my college buddies, movies and hanging out, there were also culture shocks and depressing moments. But even then, those were the days when i found JESUS, my GOD. (made me wished i'd known HIM earlier)

After four years of higher education, its off to the working world. The real world..... this is life itself.... wat you choose it to be.

Trying to calculate, i think i've prolly worked four years? And its only FOUR years!!! Imagine the many more ahead.... gosh! Its daunting! It's gonna be the rest of my life till i retire at 70 maybe? =)

Anyway, what i wanna say is, its true. Its true what they said. “Student days” are the best days of life. I find that so very true, very very true. I am even starting to tell my student friends. Being an aunty now... -_-” working friends, i don't think i need to elaborate.

So, when did i realized i'm a grown up? =) it dawned unto me when i could just go ahead with last minute planned road trips. Having the independence, knowing i'm capable to making the right decisions in life, knowing that i am acocuntable, knowing that i could be trusted, knowing that i could take care of myself. It suddenly made me realize i don't need my mommy to do what i need to do. You know?

So yeah, being a 25 year old now, i've finally come to accept that i am an adult. Its not too early, its not too late. =D

Knowing

You can hammer both your feet to the cross, you can hammer your left hand to the cross..... who hammer your remaining hand to the cross?

As i grow older in age, i learn more about myself and the different people around me. Have you ever noticed how people are sometimes so different from you? Gosh!..... I hate it when people tell me that not everyone is like me.....(trust me, I do. I have far too many people telling me that.) Kinda thank God also that not everyone is like me, imagine, the thousands of Jecys around, and the Raysons scream! heheheh.... making people do work, getting things in order, efficiency is the rule, claw up some people, save the children, go rock climbing! Actually..... it wouldn't be such a bad idea after all..... ;)

Anyway, i've been wondering, do people learn about themselve more than they try to make people to be like them? You know how sometimes you wish some people would change, and yet each time you try to make them change, it's still the same? Kinda frustrating.....

Only in the past year i began to discover and realize the different personalities that exist. Not that i never noticed before, but it just didn't dawned unto me till then, that it is important to realize the different personalities that exist and respect it. You better do! So you'll stop wondering why you keep knocking into walls.

Drawing to my colourful working life, out of comfort of things familiar to me, I began noticing the different personalities. There opened my life to another world, a world of learning human behaviour and respecting it. From there, I learn about the people around me. The people that I know, the people that I spend time with, the people that I hang out with, the people that I chat with....they are all different from me one way or another. Its kinda interesting when you take time and think about it. God makes us all unique, and yet each one us are made in His image.

Yesterday I took a personality test in Facebook. Here's what it says about my personality.......

“The determined realist likes to bear responsibility and welcomes challenges. She is a stable, reliable person. External contacts are very important to her; she mixes well and is very active. She is an excellent organiser and is very happy when things are done correctly and punctually; she can quickly react impatiently if others are not as conscientious, orderly and dutiful as she is. She prefers structured work which produces visible results quickly to abstract, long-drawn-out processes. She has no problem with routine as long as it serves efficiency. However, she very much dislikes unexpected and unpredictable occurrences which mess up her careful plans. Once she has committed herself to a cause she does this with dedication and is willing to make considerable sacrifices for it.

The determined realist does not avoid conflicts and criticism but faces up to them and looks for solutions. As she has a keen eye for the errors and shortcomings of others and is often quick at expressing criticism, she sometimes rubs people up the wrong way especially when she loses her temper and jumps to conclusions. Due to her marked sense of justice she is quickly willing to correct herself and never takes offence if someone speaks to her frankly. You do not have to seek hidden motives with her; you always know where you are. The determined realist is often found in executive positions as she combines commitment, competence and the ability to assert herself. In her spare time, she often also accepts responsibility in clubs and other institutions.

Traditions rate highly with the determined realist. She attends every family event and never forgets a birthday or wedding anniversary. Family and friends are very important to her. With her open, communicative manner, she finds it easy to get to know people and has a large circle of friends and acquaintances. She is never superficial, but a reliable and loyal friend who is always there when she is needed. The determined realist takes her relationships very seriously - she dreams of finding a partner for life. In a relationship, she seeks above all stability and loyalty and here, too, she is willing to invest a lot in a harmonious togetherness. She masters crises or difficult phases with composure; she would never think of breaking a promise given. As a partner, one can always rely on her support “

I find it almost 90% true of what I read about my personality. I tested it out with some people i know and i began to see why i just somehow couldn't reach certain people.... my guess is that we're just different. Positives and positives ends of magnets just won't stick. That kinda gave me conclusion to some things.

Anyways, yay! =) so yea, anybody out there reading this page, please realize that i am different from you. Please have some grace on me, when i seem to be difficult or hard sometimes. =D Slackers be warned!

Trying to conclude this entry, what does my personality have to do with the cross beginning?

Well.... i found out dying to self is easy for me sometimes. I mean, I'll just have work at giving up on certain things in life. I'll just have to deal with my own being and may God's grace help me. Hammering the last hand onto the cross.... it is not you who hammer your own hand. You pass it on to someone else to do the last work. Make sense?

Such joy

I never knew they could bring me such joy.

They are back in the centre after a month long holiday break. Almost all of them settled back into routine rather well. It is so good having them around again. I found out that if it wasn't for them, i wouldn't have travel such a distance, not even for any money paying job.

Having been with them about a year and half now, i've grown accustom to their behaviours and known them for who they are. They are a funny bunch of kids, and i love them for that! At the end of each day, i'll have a smile of contentment that they made my day. Reflecting on the funny moments at the centre, of how the child reacted or behaved, their antics and 'silliness', their cuteness and funniness, hehehe... their “it is so them” moments.

I especially love the schooling kids. They are the older group ranging from 7 to 11 years. Each of the children have their own unique personality. Remember how i was almost traumatised my the two 'screamin-at-the-top-of-their-lungs' tantrum throwing kids at my first week of work? They have the most powerful high pitched scream which could raise any dead person.... Lazarus.....or at least my bulu roma.

Anyway, those two are just funny once you know why they behave such a way. You could almost predict and see certain things coming from them, given a set of conditions. Not that i'm already expert of them, but i've come to know their personalities. Just last tues i had to put up with a boy whining pitch high at my ears. He just refused to get his work done and kept trying to get off task. Would you believe in the 45 minutes of study time, i've only managed to get him write his name. And that's all?!! He's quite smart in a sense trying to manipulate the adults with his threats of deafening cries thinking we would give in to his whimps and fancies. Even got into self injuring behaviour, of which i had two stinging tight slaps from, on my hand. Ouch! Tough battle, but lets see who will win. We've got our ear plugs ready~! Hehehe.....

And today, i was trying not to laugh as a girl unwillingly does her couting activities. I dunno why, but she suddenly burst out crying when she saw the counting worksheet. Prolly she 'misses' them, coz she hasn't been doing the worksheet in a long time or she was just complaining while crying 'why in the world am i doing this again?' It was a funny sight looking at her, coz she doesn't know how to verbally complain that she don't wanna do it, but she had to cry it out with tears and all. A friend of hers was so cute, he got a tissue box to her table and tell her 'no crying'. I never knew he could be so sensitive and so aware of his social cues.

I love the fact that i now know the children better and that i'm more confident in handling them. I remember how i used to be scared and not knowing what to do. But yea, they turn out to be children after all. They could be cheeky, naughty, rebellious, loving, innocent, blur, fun and all.

I like to see how the children progress on their academic development, from not knowing how to write their name to writing new words now. From not knowing how to handle scissors to doing cutting and paste activities. From counting to doing addition. It gives me a sense of satisfaction. =)

I also like the behaviour management. From making whinny irritating sound to knowing how to say “i want rest”. From being a whirlwind of tornado as soon as he steps into the centre to a boy who could sit down and read and greets you “hi” as soon as he steps into the centre. From a shy 'hide-my-face-in-the-pillow' to telling me about her Sabah holiday. It is a joy of knowing you are at the right place. =)

I would love to be a friend to these children. Playing and join in their little games. But i also have to remember that i am a teacher, to be the role model, to teach the right stuffs and to be of sound mind!

Many people, when i tell them what i do, they think i must have lots of patience and love. Well, i guess having those help, and i think i do have what it takes. But what i always tell them is, “Having a good sense of humour helps a lot. You must know how to laugh”.

Learning how to laugh has help me cope with my work. Many times i tell people if i don't laugh, i would have quit long time ago! (Joking! That's not the deciding factor, God leads me.) Anyway, it's good to laugh things off, even when the kids drives you up the wall or when you just feel like flushing him down the toilet, or mince him into the blender and make 'char-siew pau' or tie him to the ceiling fan and sping him round and round. Sadistic? Yea, very!

See, why i say you have to have a good sense of humour? If you don't you might just really wanna commit those acts that i mentioned. Last year i had such horrid thoughts in my head, that i couldn't believe i could have thought those thoughts. It was then i realised how real child abuse could happen to these children. They really do test your patience, some purposefully, some just being who they are.

Patience, love and all are my part to work on. What these children are rubbing into me, hopefully make me better person. I think they rub on more to me than i on them. I realized after a while of working with them my communications skills had gone down the drain. Sentence structure and intelligent talk are out of the window. For a moment i just talking in two or three words sentence. Anyways, people who do come and talk to me, please have something intelligent to talk about. Current affairs, general knowledge, bible......

Many of times i use to wonder and still wonder why such children exist. I ask God “So which part of You are in them Lord?” for He made all of us in His own image. I wonder..... i dunno which part of Him are in them. Humour maybe? 'coz i find them funny. =) i don't have the answer, but i have the faith that i'll see them in heaven. I guess these are God's special children. He knew them before they were even form in their mother's womb, He knows each one by name and the number of hairs on their head. God made them, he made them special just like you and me.