Dear 20 years old me,
You will be turning 30 in a few months time. You'd think it'd be nice to
write yourself a letter to the younger you, to let you know what or how
you have grown or went through the 10 years. At this point in time,
you'll be reflecting "Wow, 10 years have passed me by. That was how I
lived my 20's"
I want to let you know you will live an exciting 20's live. You will
enjoy life to the fullest, and you will actually realize your dreams
sooner than you think! I would like you to dream even more, dream even
greater and bigger dreams. Knowing you, your heart will still say the
same thing, to work with the underprivileged. You will get there girl.
At 20, you are one year till you finish uni. It is your goal to graduate
by 21 years old. To you, it is a respectable age to graduate. Like any
other normal account students, your thoughts were "Okay, after I
graduate, I will work in one of those Big Four firm", "Put on my
corporate clothes, go into the city, work". Little did you know the
short one month internship will change your mind forever, and you are
glad that you did it. Good short experience, and you know that is not
what you want to do in life.
As you were about to turn 20, you are also making one of the best decision in your life. You will decide to believe in Jesus. You know
you've always wanted to since young, but you have a preconceived mind
that prolly you'd be a Christian when you are a grandma, maybe when you
are older, when your children are all grown up and you are just about
ready to spend your last few days being a Christian. You know, at 20,
that decision you made was really good, and I am proud of you! (You and
granny became Chrstian!)
You belong to a young church called Acts. You'll meet many many many fun
nice people, and now as you reflect, you'll realize that you've been
doing life together with them for 10 years!!! Oh my...
Through the 10 years, you'll see how the church have grown from 50 to
about a thousand. Through the 10 years, you'll see the faithful ones
still going strong, and also the whimsical ones falling away. Oh, I've
got to warn you early, you suck at changes! Especially the unexpected
and unwelcome ones in church. But I must applaud you for trying to
accept and follow along, then you'll come to realization after a loooong
time, who are you kidding? Just admit it, you suck at changes, and
please be happy and accept that; that is how you are made. Don't worry
too much about it, you'll learn to accept that part of you and others
will learn that too. Please be happy at how God made you, don't change
for the sake of pleasing people. You want to please God, change only
because you are convicted it is good for you. Trust me it takes you a
long time to realize that. Silly you!
Fresh out of uni at 21, while in transition, you tried short term jobs
working in few places, cafe, gym.... Those were fun, met some fun
colleagues, checked out cute guys, chit chat ourselves silly with the
girls. You will even got a shouting from one of the member, but soon
he'll realize it was his ego that was so inflated and you two made
peace. I am so proud of you that you are always so calm. So very
calm.....
Your so called serious job came as a accounts assistant. You won't
believe this, but you actually dread going to work. You will think that
your are gong crazy!!! It is the most mundane, boring, life wasting time
of a job! Be prepared for it! I am glad you quit after a month. After
10 year, I believe the wood is still burried in the ground of the garden
patch. I doubt you want to dig it up.
Dad will pass away when you are 22. Year or months leading to it were
one of the challenging and turbulent times. Hmmm.... I don't know how
shall I put it. Maybe I won't write it, but yea, let's just say you cope
well in the time of loss. You don't know then, but your faithfulness
counts. Whole heartedly. You do not have any regrets as you know you
have treat him well. Amen!
At dad's wake, you will be caught by surprise, almost all of Acts will
show up. You will feel kinda weird because almost all of them never meet
him before. Hmmm... But I must say, girl, at that point, is when you
experience church is a family, your extended family. Great news is that
your own family will believe in Jesus, and yes, all of us my dear will
be attending Acts.
You will still miss him once in a while. You will also wonder how things
will be if he were still alive. Hmmm... Let's move on ya, and trust
that God holds our life in His hands, and He knows best.
At 23, your ambition came true. Hahah.... Nobody knew about it, or more
like, you wouldn't share it with anybody. Yup, that's the one. Whoa!!
Hahaha... You get to meet the people in the industry, politicians and
celebrities. You get a feel how that kind of life is like. It's a once
in a lifetime experience, yea, it is a good experience and it will be
kept that way. Hey, don't get too depressed when you don't win the title
k. That kind of life is not for you or it's just not you. You called to
something else and trust me, it is going to be a better story. So yea,
be glad you realized your dream so fast! :)
At the event, you will have your first encounter with a little girl with
autism. Autism? Yea, I know you have no idea what it is now. But don't
worry, your heart and curiosity will help you discover so much more.
.??!? Yup, you heard me right! Hehehe....
At 22-23 you will be working, helping out with accounts and cafe. It
will be a good time of moulding characters, learning to relate to people
and communicate. You will also be seeing some people 7days a week. At
first you would think "How boring...", but it is quite the opposite. You
will enjoy your days there. Hmmm... You will be meeting some
interesting people. One whom will also be your closest buddy whom you
can talk to.
Oh, I've got to let you know, you were really silly for not taking care
of a cough. A cough? Yup, no more ice cream, ice blended and cool iced
drinks when coughing ok? You will have pneumonia gal!! What?!! Yea, all
the drama. But I must say, that will be a good ten days experience too.
You'll get the much needed rest for your body, some good friends and
family will come to visit. You will feel much loved.
One month after discharged, mom will bring you along on a holiday tour
to Europe. It will the first time both of you going on holiday together.
Just try to enjoy the places ok? Coz you never knew you would be there
at such young age, at such early part of your life. Some people take a
lifetime of saving to get there. You'll enjoy your one month there.
At 24, you will be searching and looking for your life's calling. Good
thing you keep your journals, you will search your heart, you will
search God. You don't know it then, but the puzzle pieces will come in
bits a pieces, it will take a couple of years to see it. Let me warn
you!! Mom won't be happy with your decision. Yes! In fact she will be
furious at you.
She will think that you are mad!! Disobedient, senseless, wasting your
time and youth away. Listen to me... Nah, you'll be strong anyway,
because you ARE stubborn. Hahah. Don't worry, you will survive mom's
wrath, but let me warn you. You will be crying a lot and a lot and a
lot.... What the...? Will you keep going on? Let's just say God has made
you with tenacity and perseverance to carry on.
Oh yea, you did doubted during those difficult times. The fiery fury
furnace at home, the relentless journey to and back from work, the
hopeless transport system, the haze, the storm, the fire, the life, the
people at work... Will you give up? Yea, you will think of it so many
times in giving up, throwing in the towel, just quit. And.... you just
will not. Hate to tell you this, but yes you ARE a stubborn girl. And it
is THIS stubbornness for the things you know deep down in your heart,
the things that God had called for you to do, you stubbornly stuck on to
it. You know very well, and very well you will know, these are what you
are called to do. Just trust God ok?
Okay, all the drama aside, at 25 you will be settling into this new
work. Never in your wildest dream will you know that you'll be teaching
young children, (babies too!!) with special needs. Oh my, those lil
kids!! You'll have so many stories to tell about them, you will
reminisce the things they do, you will love them dearly, you will walk
with them through life, oh yea, they are precious to you. You will blog
so many times about them. You will also slowly see God's puzzle pieces
coming into place. It's a much nicer picture than what you have in mind.
Nope you don't have a boyfriend. You think by now you would have because
it's a natural progression of life. Lots of people will be surprised
that you are still not attached, erm.... don't be surprised even at 29
you are still single? Hahah... Yes, don't worry!! You do like guys. Its
just that he has not to come along, (or at least you think). The one
that God has prepared for us. Or maybe he will come along, just that you
missed him. Or maybe he is just there... Yea, that's what your thoughts
will be playing about. What can I tell you....?
Well.... You do get anxious and stuff, that's the normal part being a
girl. Hmmm..... Okay, maybe just a little advice. If I could go back in
time to tell you, just be bold and speak what's on your mind in that
ride k? Coz now you'll still be wondering about it. But yea, girls...
You are a typical girl, girl.
Okay boys aside, at 26 life still carry on. Things got a little mundane,
not much of a highlight here. But maybe you'll get to know people who
are going through difficulties in life. As taboo as it sounds, mental
health is a much neglected area in society. Just read up and be well
informed, maybe change mindsets too. Don't be scared or worry about it
ya, nah, you won't. You've got a soft heart, and that heart will get
tougher.
At 27, you'll get an opportunity to develop a inclusive preschool
programme. What's that?? Hmm... Lots of technicalities here, you'll be
glad to be given this opportunity. You will mature and learn to let or
handover this little baby project on to your colleague to work on the
next phase. I am proud that you did not held it on to tightly. Trust
that you've learn to let go.
Oh! I'll let you know a friend nominated you for an award. Huh?? An
award?! You'll hear about it in a few years time, and yea you will also
be in the running for it. My advice would be, just enjoy it. Don't get
too stress up by the attentions, coz you will be!! Hahaha.... Anyways,
you will get to share about your calling. Mom will finally have
something to be glad about you. Okay, let me break it to you, you'll be
appearing a few times on tv, radio, magazines, newspapers. Don't worry,
none of it will go to your head! Hahahah.... But yea, please just enjoy
the moment. Try not to run and hide so much. And yea, you still don't
have time to make a scrap book out of it.
At about this time, mom will start to get a little weird. In fact, let
me warn you, she will get very nasty with you. You will know there is
something wrong, but just don't know what. You will prolly think that
she is still angry with your choice of work, oh... You will get so
stressed up. At home, at work, at church. I don't know how you will
survived it. Maybe your heart will grow a little harder, maybe you will
build up a wall, walls, maybe you will toughen up. Hmmm.... Try not too
take some people's words or 'advice' too seriously. You will realize
they too have issues in life, so yea, my advice will be, be with people
who see you as how you are made and accept you for who you are. Stop
trying to meet up to people's expectations coz it just won't work. It'll
eat you up. You will grow really cold at times.
You will also find out mom has breast cancer. Gasps!! You say? Don't
worry, mom is one of a kind. She is the new breed, she will breeze
through the surgery, treatment and all. In fact she will even give
counseling, awareness talks, bowling and only she knows what else she
can get involved with. Can you tell her that she will be living her life
to full purposes and potential?
At 28, you will get a chance to meet your "son"! Hehehe.... Yup, that
precious boy. It's will be like a dream come true and it is a dream came
true. You will go Lebanon, you will experience just a tiny bit of
Jesus's time landscape, you will understand a bit clearer the mountain
Jesus climbed on. About this "son", it will be a relationship that will
enrich your life. Meeting him and the family was surreal. You will be so
honored, I'll just let you experience the fullness of it when the time
comes.
You will also be spending a few weeks in Australia, for holiday and for
work. And yes, you will love your time there. In fact, you will be
missing it! Hahaha....
At 29, I don't know how it happened, but yea get ready for a change.
They gonna switch you to working with young adults with special needs.
Don't worry it's also part of your own plan and desire to grow in the
work. It is quite tough in the beginning, but you'll grow to love them.
One tip, see them as school children, remember to keep your sense of
humor. You seemed to have lost it when you first started working with
them. But like the children, you will love them dearly.
Okay, one last bit before you turn 30, you will be visiting India! It
probably never crossed your mind that you'll be staying in Mathini's
house, meeting her children and husband. Quite a different change from
her visiting Malaysia.
So there, I'm gonna end it here. Happy Birthday~! ^_^
Luv~
