State of Flux

I never knew this word existed until it appeared in my dream... flux...

26 Jul 09 " I had a strange dream. I dreamt being at the seaside and there was a change happening over the horizon. Right above the water, the air looked curved and bended in "S" shape like motion, something like how gas fuel would look like.

People who saw that change moved indoor, those who did not remained at the sea. I don't know what happened to them, but all were amazed, some or all of us just stood and watch.

I remember someone in the dream mentioned the word "flux" and it was a natural phenomenon. Now, I think that was the first time me hearing that word......"

" I woke up this morning remembering it. I thought it was a very strange dream. And I remembered the word "flux", thinking it might be real, thinking it might be fiction.

Lo and behold, it is a real word found in the dictionary!

Flux - continuous succession of changes ; flowing ; inflow of tide

I wonder what does it mean? What is the significance of it? What is the change? What is the inflow? What is the tide? What is the meaning of the dream? Or if there is any meaning to it?"

These were snippets penned down on my journal. (yes, i do write.... in my journal) It was a very vivid dream and I can still remember the details of it.

I'm not sure if I've come to the end of this discovery and revelation, but I have come to recognize the meaning and significance of the dream. I did not know it then, but I did suspected. And now I confirm. It was God preparing me for changes that were coming my way then. By the way, someone did prayed with me saying there were changes coming my way. Then.

The past one and half year, I see it happening in my life. Changes. (I won't list down the details, least I might bore you). Before the dream, I used to "resent" changes. Not that I can't take it, its just something I find troublesome, upsetting and frustrating. Well.... major renovation He did! And I'm glad He did it.

This morning, at work, at a training, there it appears again the word, "flux"

State of flux - a state of uncertainty about what should be done (usually following some important event) preceding the establishment of a new direction of action.

So that was what it was all about........ I'm in awe at how God works in my life.

Thank You

I am taking this space to say "THANK YOU!".
Thank you for your kind generosity.
It is a blessing and a prayer answered.

Why I love the Care...

Family camp

No matter what background you came from, the good the bad, the messed-up and the blessed-up, you are accepted and embraced into the family. And I love that.

No matter how good or how bad you think you are, whether you are the best or the worst, you still get cheers just because you are my brothers and sisters. And I love that.

No matter what you do in the organization, significant or behind the scene, grassroot or top level, you are all really just a bunch of fun-loving people. And I love that.

I love the fact that it is filled with laughter.
I love the fact that it is genuine.

I love the very fact we were at the golden sands.
I love the very fact that I love that very place so much ^_^

Oh, and I just noticed...
My three favourite organizations, the ones that I believe in and supports,
They are all in orange~
Mm-mmm~ Juicy~~ ;P

I do

I smile when I see blue sky with white clouds,
I smile in awe at the sight of rainbow.

I delight in playing with cute little puppies,
I delight in cute little baby smiles.

I laugh when I think something is funny,
I laugh when I know I was being silly.

I frown at little children's tantrums,
I frown and laugh when adults get emo.

I learn from mistakes,
I learn to allow others to learn; from their experiences

I cry when it hurts,
I cry when I am overwhelmed.

I love it when ol' school songs play on radio,
I love it when God's hands moved.

I ask when I don't know,
I ask when I am curious.

I choose the things that I like, and sometimes,
I choose the things that are right.

I like mangos and coconuts,
I like waterfalls and parks.

I enjoy the sight of flowers,
I enjoy the sight of many, many, many trees.

I ponder sometimes where technologies bring us to,
I ponder sometimes if life could be simpler.

I have nothing more to say or could think of,
I shall head off to bed. =P

21 Days

Job 23:10 "He knows the way that I take, when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.

"I told God I don't want to be gold, why would I want to be gold? I thought I was already at gold. Well..... apparently to Him, I'm not yet...."

The past 21 days have been erm.... A time of remoulding and re-refining. How I dread the process.....

The past few weeks there have been an accumulations of a lot of things that were bothering me. Things that causes anxieties, stress, dullness, tiredness, feeling at lost, doubting again if it was all worth it...

You know, how sometimes you question if the choices you made were right? If doing all that you are doing now matters? If dying to self was worth it? Where am I now in life? Where am I heading? Did I miss out in some stuffs? ooooo.... There were lots of questions.

So what did I learn?

Though I hate the process of remoulding and re-refining, it is something that I cannot escape, or run away from. In fact, I had no choice but to turn back to God. I've got a feeling these will keep on happening and its gonna be a life long journey. And process.

Just keep on walking~*

It Is Different, This Time Around.

I was at an interview photoshoot today. It was for Cleo Magazine Young Achiever's Award. My story from AYA Awards caught their attention and therefore, the magazine nominated me for the award. The story will only come out in the May '10 issue.

While I was there doing the photoshoot, it felt different. And I like it.

This time around, it felt more meaningful.

I remember the previous photoshots, that I did for various reasons, there was a certain pressure to perform and to please. They were somewhat cold and fake, nobody really cared about how you feel. You put on a smile and you freeze there, waiting for the camera to click.

You know, I was just reflecting. This time around, I don't need to be an eager beaver, ready to please people. This time around I can just be me. And its nice!

It was nice being able to share with them a bit of what I do. It was nice that they were fussing around making sure that I'll look nice. It was nice that the cameraman was kind and friendly, making sure the lighting and angles were right. It was nice being complimented. It was nice that they allowed me to be just who I am. In short, it was nice being "valued".

No pretends, no mask, beauty flaws seen, it was refreshing!

Cost of Lebanon Trip

And so it is confirmed. The trip to Lebanon is on!

The tentative dates are 7-11 June 2010.

Here's the breakdown of the cost given by World Vision:-

Airfare RM 3700 - 4000
Meals RM 420
Room RM 680
Local Transport RM 300
Travel Insurance RM 53
Gift for children RM 50
Contingency RM 241
Staff Cost RM 550 - 580
TOTAL RM 6000 - 6500

So far, with the funds that I've raised I am able to cover all the expenses, except the airfare. That cost a bomb! I wonder if any kind souls out there could help sponsor?

Oh yea, and the staff cost? Its kinda sucky that the child sponsors would have to pay for the staff too. Worst is, somebody who is needing sponsor, having to pay for their staff to go on the trip.

Smart moves on their part, but not very nice feelings on the child sponsors.

PS:- I have been sponsoring a child from Lebanon the past 5 years. This year is the first time World Vision Malaysia is organizing a trip there. And yes, this trip means a lot to me. You would understand it, if you sponsor a child from Lebanon too.